The One Where Rachel Meddles
by Oldreruns
Summary: A Mondler A/U Friends story from season one. Rachel moves in with Monica after running out on her wedding, and in search of a new purpose in life, and a distraction from her own impulsive actions, decides to play matchmaker when she sees a spark that no one else does. This will be a mix of canon that changes with every new choice made. Heart/Humor. As always, thanks for reading.
1. The Runaway Bride's Spying Eye

**The Runaway Bride's Spying Eye**

Rachel Green bunched her dress up in her arms as she ran across the street and tried to dodge the fat, hot, odorous, late summer raindrops that only seemed to exist in New York City. She said a silent prayer as she hoped that she would not trip over herself in the middle of the road on her way to the coffee shop. If she were not in such a state of panic, she would have laughed at the imagery that played out briefly in her head; a runaway bride, sprawled out on the concrete, her dress a ruffled, muddy mess as taxi cabs and bike messengers swerved to avoid hitting her. It would be the latest catastrophe and the cherry on top of what had become the worst day of her life. Falling down in the street would be a fitting, final humiliation that she would suffer thanks to her impulsive actions that led her here to Greenwich Village.

Earlier today, everything was going according to plan. She was getting married and upon one last inspection, she was satisfied that her dress looked impeccable. Her bridesmaids were still sober, though for how long after the ceremony, she could not say. Her entire family was in attendance; uncles, aunts, cousins, all swelling with pride. Her father was ready to walk her down the aisle while her sisters died of envy as they watched her, knowing that she was marrying a doctor. She could already hear the music from the string quartet through the walls, a magical backdrop to her impending nuptials. It was all so perfect, until it was not.

She remembered how her downward spiral had started. The photographer signaled to her that he was finished taking his pre-ceremony photos and she found herself with a few minutes alone. It was then that Rachel decided that rather than go back upstairs to be with her bridesmaids before they all had to walk down the aisle, she would sneak off to the reception hall and take a quick peek at all the gifts that her and Barry's guests had dropped off.

Once she entered the room, she spun around. It was quiet, grand and elegant all at once; aided by the low light and empty seats that were to be filled soon with well-wishers, loud music and congratulatory cheers. She marveled at it all as she ran her fingers along the gift-boxes and smiled. Rachel loved getting presents, and since she did the registry all by herself, there would be no need to return anything. Best of all, she knew exactly how much people spent on each one.

She held a medium sized box in her hands and convinced herself that there would be no harm in taking a peek at just one present. It would be like opening one gift up on Christmas eve. A taste of what was to come. It was not one of the big presents anyway and she was certain no one would notice if it went missing. She excitedly ripped off the wrapping paper and ribbon as she dug into the box, pulling out a gorgeous, ornate gravy boat. She took quick, exhilarated breaths as she held it tightly in her hands. It was beautiful. She knew it would be beautiful. She picked it out.

It filled her with such excitement to hold that gravy boat in her hands. The rush of knowing that everything here was exactly what she wanted sent tingles up and down her legs. Suddenly, she became very aware that she seemed more excited about the gravy boat than she did about the wedding. That the tingling sensation she felt over this stupid, gorgeous gravy boat is what she should have felt for her soon-to-be husband. Suddenly, a thought popped in her head; did she want the gravy boat and everything that went along with getting married more than she wanted Barry?

She slumped back against the wall and felt dizzy. Before she could even process what she was thinking, a voice inside her head told her she was making a terrible mistake. It told her that everything she had done since high school has been one mistake after another, and it all led her here. The room felt as if it was getting hot and she could not breathe. She was then overcome with this overpowering desire to get outside as fast as she could.

If someone were to ask her, she would not be able to say, with specificity, exactly what it was that compelled her to flee. Maybe it was the gravy boat that she tossed aside as she ran to the bathroom, climbed out of the window and dropped down to the alley behind the catering hall. Before she could even process what she was doing, she was several blocks away running towards freedom, and for the first time in years, she finally felt like she could breathe again.

She ran down a few more blocks and then stopped and looked around. She held her side as she felt a dull cramp start to form, and while she tried to catch her breath, she could not help but allow a slight smile to spread across her lips. It seemed, the farther away from the hall she got, the better she felt. Her smile faded quickly when she realized, she had nowhere to go. Everyone she knew in the entire world was back in that very building she was running away from. None of them would look at her without a judgmental eye. None of them would understand the panic that compelled her to run. None of them would offer valuable counsel or sanctuary. Instead, they would try to convince her to go through with the wedding. They would explain to her that she was just experiencing some pre-wedding jitters. Cold feet. That it was normal. But she knew that wasn't true. Rachel knew it the moment she held that gravy boat in her hand; she was not in love with Barry anymore. Maybe, she never was.

She looked around at the other people bustling through the city sidewalks. None of them gave her a second glance. She found that to be so strange; it was late afternoon as she stood there, wearing a wedding gown, in mid-town Manhattan. She wondered if this kind of chaos was common for the average New Yorker or if they were simply so cold and cynical, that they could not even see her. It was the perfect metaphor for her life. Over these last few years, no one she knew has been able to see her. Not the real her. She couldn't even see herself. She turned around in a circle, unsure of where she was going. There was no one she could turn to. No one who could offer her shelter from the storm she had brought into her life. No one to help her find out who she was supposed to be.

Then, she remembered being in the city one night, over a year ago, when she saw Monica Geller in some seedy bar. Monica was here, living in Manhattan, and she was not at the wedding. It felt like fate. She would help her. She had to. There was no one else who could. Rachel was confidant that no matter how much time had passed since they last saw each other, Monica would be there for her. It's what she did. She helped people. She befriended the friendless. She would be Rachel's safety net. She would be her savior.

Before she knew it, she found herself running through Greenwich Village. She had talked to some man with a big hammer at Monica's apartment building, and he directed her to the coffee house across the street. And now, here she was, running across the street, soaked from the rain, and praying that an old friend would be there to save her. A far cry from where she was just a few short hours ago.

She reached the coffee house and burst into the door like a desperate cannonball of white lace. She heard voices overlapping and was overcome by the smell of fresh brewed coffee and baked goods as she frantically started to look around the lobby.

"Rachel?"

Never before had the sound of someone's voice left her so relieved.

"Oh God! Monica! Hi!"

Monica had come over to her, grabbed her gently by the arm, and led her to the group of people she was with. Rachel was not paying attention as she was introduced to everyone, and she was not sure what she was going to say. All that she knew, was that she was safe. At least, for now.

* * *

"…and now I don't know what to do." Rachel finished her decaf coffee and put the cup down on the table in front of her. Five pairs of eyes were fixated on her and she could feel their gaze burning through her. It took all of her self-restraint not to snap at them to back off; commanding them to give her space and a moments respite, but she knew that she was in no place to make demands. In a way, these were the only five people in the world that she could trust right now.

She looked over at Monica for some sort of guidance as to what she should do next. Monica, in turn, looked past her as she seemed to be looking at someone else who must have been standing right over Rachel's shoulder. Monica twisted her face in apprehension and shrugged. Rachel turned and saw Chandler behind her, but his focus was on Monica. He appeared to be answering her back with a lift of his eyebrows and a nod. It was as if they were having an entire conversation without saying a word to each other.

Monica cleared her throat and took Rachel's hand in hers as she fixated her sympathetic eyes on Rachel. "I think you better call someone. Your mom and dad must be worried sick about you."

Ross nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's a good idea. There's a payphone back by the bathrooms here. Does anybody have any quarters?"

Chandler winced at Ross's idea and then gestured towards Monica. "Hey, why don't you take her back to your place. Might be more private. Joey and I will take care of everything here."

Joey looked over at Chandler and spoke in a low, embarrassed tone. "Oh, uh, actually, I don't really have any…"

Before Joey could finish, Chandler cut him off as he pulled out his wallet. "Or, I guess, I can take care of everything here."

Monica chuckled and got up, grabbing her purse. "Come on Rach. You can use my phone." She walked over to Chandler and put her hand on his arm. "Thanks. I owe you one."

"More than one. But who's keeping count?"

"You apparently."

Rachel observed them and was bemused as Monica allowed her hand to linger on Chandler's arm. The two of them quietly laughed and she saw Monica squeeze at the fabric of his shirt. He smiled at her with this soft, almost understated confidence in his eyes, and then, as quickly as it began, they separated and the moment was over.

Rachel shook her head and looked around the room at the others, but no one else seemed to notice, or care at what appeared to be a public display of intimacy between the two of them. She could not help but wonder to herself if maybe Monica and Chandler were some kind of item, but quickly dismissed the idea as there was no kiss goodbye or term of endearment shared between them. Briefly, she felt the overpowering urge to find out more, and squeeze the juicy gossip out of the entire group, one-by-one. She quickly gave up that thought and resigned herself to the idea that she was seeing things that were not there. Her mind was still no doubt clouded from the euphoria and melancholia she experienced today and it was playing tricks on her.

Monica turned and grabbed Rachel by the hand, which snapped her from her reverie. "Come on Rach." Monica then turned her attention to the rest of the group. "I'll see you guys over there."

Rachel smiled and she looked over her shoulder at the others as Monica pulled her through the lobby and out of the coffee house.

* * *

When Rachel got off the phone with her father, she started to feel like the room was spinning and sat down at the kitchen table to steady herself. "What do I do?" She looked over at the others who were all seated in the living room and they stared back at her with blank faces. "I'm seriously asking you guys! What do I do?"

Monica got up from the chair and rushed into the kitchen. "Calm down. You'll be fine. You can stay here. It'll be okay. We will all help you figure this out. Won't we guys?"

The rest of the group quietly groused, but then quickly nodded and affirmed Monica's presumption with a chorus of "Yeah" and "Of course" once she shot each of them a commanding glare.

Rachel buried her face in her hands. "What if I made a huge mistake?"

Ross stepped closer to Rachel and placed his drink down beside her. "Well, if it was a mistake, and you end up going back to Barry, it'll make for a great story for your grandkids."

Monica and Rachel both looked up at him and scowled. Rachel then grabbed at Monica's arm for support. "I'm so scared and tired and I feel like I can't breathe, and I'm kind of hungry and I think I need a shower."

Joey pointed at her. "Hungry! Finally, she said something I understand."

Chandler smirked as he looked down and then walked into the kitchen. He placed his hand around the small of Monica's back to get her attention and leaned in over her shoulder as he spoke softly to her. "Hey, Joey and I just bought some cold cuts and bread and stuff. It was mostly for Joe, so, you know that means we have enough for everyone. How about I bring it over and we can make some sandwiches?"

Monica put her hand on his chest and nodded. "That'd be a great idea. We could all probably use something eat."

Rachel looked up and watched them again. This time, to try and get more clarity on what exactly was going on between them. Monica's hand lingered much too long on Chandler's chest for what happened in the coffee house to be some misconception on Rachel's part. Monica and Chandler then looked around at the rest of the group for approval, as if they themselves were unaware at how close they were to each other. She narrowed her eyes as she noticed that he still had his hand on her back and hers was still on his chest, playing with a button on his shirt. It was as if they were all oblivious to this series of gentle touches they shared. Somehow, only Rachel was privy to this familiar nature that seemed to flow between the two of them.

"Hey! Are you two giving away my pastrami?" Joey hopped up from the couch and stomped over to the kitchen, his abrasive tone broke the quiet in the room and Monica and Chandler separated again.

Chandler shook his head and started towards the door. "Relax Joe. It's for a good cause."

Joey followed him as the two of them prepared to leave the apartment. "What cause?"

Monica turned to face Joey and glared at him with a stern pair of eyes. "It's for the 'if you don't do it, I'll never make another lasagna for Joey ever again' foundation."

Joey paused at the door and looked down as he reluctantly nodded. "That is actually a very good cause."

Before the two men could exit the apartment, Rachel raised her fists up in excitement as an expression of clarity shined upon her face. "Chandler!"

Chandler stood in the doorway and looked back at her, confused. "Uh, yeah?"

"You're Chandler!" Chandler looked at Joey and Joey shrugged his shoulders in response. Rachel clapped her hands together and smiled triumphantly. "Now I know where I know you from. You were Ross's friend from college."

"Yes, I was. I'm glad I made such a strong impression that it only took you four hours to remember that."

"I knew I recognized you. Wow. It's been years since we last saw each other."

"Actually, I saw you at the bar that night too. You know, when you ran into Monica."

"What? No. I'd remember."

Chandler held his head crooked and spoke in a monotone voice. "No. Please. Stop. You're inflating my ego too much. I won't be able to fit my head out of this door."

Monica chuckled and shook her head. "Rach, he was there that night. Remember? His hair was shorter and he had a goatee. We were playing pool."

Rachel turned to look at Monica. "Really? I thought that was a boyfriend of yours or something." She then turned to look at Chandler. "Jeez, how many different hairstyles have you had?"

Joey chortled and slapped Chandler on the back while Ross and Phoebe snickered.

Chandler pointed at Joey. "Ow." He then pointed at Rachel. "And, ow to that!" Chandler then gestured towards everyone in the room. "Ow to all of you."

Monica laughed and pointed towards the open door. "Just go get the food."

Rachel looked around the room one more time and then her face went white. "Oh God. I think I'm going to throw up."

Monica jumped up from her chair in a panic. "Get her a bag!"

* * *

Rachel's mind became a haze of muddled thoughts and muffled voices. She had a hard time concentrating on anything anyone else was talking about. She settled back into the chair and placed the paper bag she was breathing into on the table. She was unsure of what to do next. She had no clothes, no money, and no idea if her family was ever going to talk to her again. It made it very difficult to have the energy to listen as everyone talked about Spanish soap operas or for her to care that Joey and Monica argued about how long after her wedding day, he could hit on her. The only noise that brought her back into reality was the incessant buzzing of the intercom.

Chandler pressed the button and leaned into the box. "Please don't do that again. It's a horrible sound." He seemed to echo her exact thoughts at that very moment.

"Uh, It's Paul."

Monica jumped up. "Oh my god! Its 6:30? Buzz him in!"

Rachel looked up, puzzled at why everyone was saying the name Paul so much. She tried to listen, but she still had a hard time focusing on everything else that was going on around her. She was too lost inside her own troubled mind.

Monica caught Rachel's eye as she began to speak to her. "Rach, wait, I can cancel…"

Before she knew what she was saying, Rachel shook her head. "Please. No. Go." She had no idea what she was agreeing to, until the door opened and a tall, handsome man stepped inside the apartment. Everyone made quite a commotion about it, and she smiled when she thought it was appropriate, but soon enough, Rachel stopped paying attention and disappeared back inside her own head.

* * *

Before she knew it, everyone had left the apartment. Monica was out on her date with Paul and the guys were on their way to help Ross assemble some furniture. Phoebe was the only one to stay behind. Rachel was not sure if that was a good thing, because Phoebe did not seem to be all there. Rachel smiled nervously at her. "I guess, maybe I'll take a shower."

"Oh! If you want, I can help you find some clothes in Monica's room. I even know where she keeps the good stuff, not just sweats and pajama tops."

"Thanks. I suppose I'll have to go home to get some of my things at some point. Oh my God. What am I doing? I'm basically homeless."

"If staying in this nice apartment is what is considered homeless now, then I'd hate to know what you would call living out on the street like I did when I was younger."

Rachel exhaled a chuckle and nodded, but then stopped as she allowed a bemused look to cross her face. "What?"

Phoebe then bounced excitedly in her seat. "Oh! Let's try on some of Monica's jeans and shoes!"

* * *

Rachel studied Phoebe as she prepared to leave for the night. There was nothing about this woman that Rachel would typically find endearing. She said strange things. She wore more rings than any person she ever knew. She had no fashion sense. She plucked invisible objects from the air. She was flaky and had trouble concentrating on one story at a time. She was odd and off-putting and Rachel was sure that she might be on drugs. Yet, despite herself, Rachel could not help but find Phoebe so refreshing and enjoyable to be around. She was everything Rachel wanted to be. She was free to be herself and had no trace of self-consciousness about it. She looked like she did not care about what anyone else thought about her. Rachel wanted to be that confident in who she was. She wanted that sense of self that Phoebe seemed to exude out of every pore. Of course, Rachel knew, that in order to be like that, she had to find out exactly who she was first.

Phoebe pulled a bag over her shoulder and stepped towards the kitchen. "Okay, well, I'm going to go unless you need me to stay."

"No, I'll be fine. I'm really tired and out of it, I'll probably just fall asleep."

"Okay, well if you need me, just follow the singing you hear coming from underground."

"What?"

"Oh, well, sometimes I like to sing in the subway for the people getting on and off the trains."

"Oh, for tips."

"Well, yeah, but mostly for their well-being. Sort of a good karma, bad karma thing."

"Right."

Phoebe moved her guitar case from the living room into the kitchen by the door and then walked back to retrieve her jacket.

Rachel bit at her thumbnail, but then sat up. "Phoebe? What, uh, well, what is the deal with everyone?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, like Joey and Chandler."

"Oh, they aren't lovers if that is what you were thinking."

"What?"

"I mean, Chandler might be okay with it, but Joey, well, he is all man."

"Uh, okay. That wasn't exactly what I meant. Is anybody here dating anyone else?"

"What?"

Rachel pulled at her shirt and waved her arms as she laughed. "I don't know. I'm probably just seeing things. I guess, for a minute, I thought maybe Monica and Chandler were…" she let her voice trail off and Phoebe started to snicker.

"Monica and Chandler? Oh, no. They have totally different chakras."

"Right. No, I know that. Well, not the thing about the chakras. I have no idea what those are. I'm sure I'm still messed up from today. Don't mind me."

Phoebe shrugged and waved goodbye as she walked out the door. Rachel sat there and settled back into the big comfy chair. She thought about today and everything she had seen. Monica had this rich, menagerie of friends. Rachel thought of her own friends for a comparison, and could only frown in disdain. They were not real friends. She had no connection with any of them, save that they all wanted to marry a doctor. It was not what it seemed like Monica had with her circle of friends. She definitely did not have someone she felt as comfortable around as it seemed Monica was with Chandler.

She laughed as she started to remember everything about Monica and Chandler's past that she did know. Rachel smacked her head lightly as she realized that Monica hated him when they were younger. And how could she have forgotten the entire toe cutting incident. Of course, they were not dating. No one could get over all of that. Yet she wondered, how did they get so close? They looked to have their own secret language, and were much too comfortable invading each other's space to be just friends.

She let her mind go back to that night when she saw Monica at the bar. She was certain that the man she was with back then was her boyfriend. They stood close together and grabbed at each other playfully. Their hands made contact in soft, familiar ways, without actually linking them together. But then, Rachel remembered that, no, he was not her boyfriend. Rachel distinctly asked Monica if she was seeing anyone, which seemed to agitate her a bit. Their entire, brief conversation about dating appeared to put Monica on edge.

How could she not remember that it was Chandler there that night? Even then, through the fog of a few drinks, Rachel should have realized who he was. She wondered, have they been this close all this time? Are they always huddled up together, laughing and seeming to be closer than Rachel had been with anyone else in a long time? They were certainly closer than she was to Barry.

She realized, that this kind of close friendship must be what she had been missing all these years. Then, it dawned on her. The last time she had someone that she could confide in and be herself around, was when she was still friends with Monica. It all made sense now. Of course, they were not interested in each other. That was just how Monica could make someone feel when she was their friend. She pulled that level of friendship out of other people. Rachel missed that. The feeling of being totally comfortable with a friend. Now that she was here, she was determined not to lose that ever again.

* * *

Rachel felt frightened, which was an odd sensation to have after cutting a piece of plastic in two. These credit cards represented more than the department stores and the bottomless cash reserves she has been used to. They were more than boots, designer jeans, and jewelry. They were her safety net. Now, she was going to be walking a tightrope with no one to catch her. Or at least, that is what she thought until Monica hugged her tightly.

After all she had done to her; drifting away, not returning phone calls, forgetting to invite her to her wedding, Monica was still there for her. Ready to support her in any way she could. Monica was amazing. She was the best friend anyone could ask for. Unwavering, loyal and so kind. Rachel knew that Monica did not deserve to be used by a guy like Paul. Monica deserved to find someone who would take care of her just as well as she took care of them.

The rest of the evening was quiet. They all watched some bad shows on television, which seemed to provide this group with endless amusement. They snacked on chips and drank beer. They squabbled and told jokes and would pair up as they shared stories from the last few years. Rachel was immediately falling in love with these people. They were so warm and accepting. They treated her as if she was always there. As if she was already an established member of the group. They were funny and ridiculous and childish in a way that was infectious and not contrite. Above all else, it was amazing to see five people so close. Rachel wanted to be a part of that.

As the night went on, she observed that no one in the group seemed to be as close as Monica and Chandler were. There was never a moment where they didn't make sure to look at each other when they made a joke. Almost like they were searching for each other's approval, or that the joke they made was really only for each other, even though they said them to the rest of the group. They stole small touches when they walked past each other. They shared a beer and refilled each other's glass when one of them went into the kitchen. At one point in the night, they even shared the big comfy chair, their legs draped over each other as their bodies seemed to fuse together. Monica laid her head on his shoulder and nodded off and Chandler appeared to stay so stiff and rigid in his seat as if he was determined not to disturb her, to the point that he seemed sore after she woke up and he stretched as he walked around the apartment. How did two people who clearly did not like each other all those years ago get this close?

She obsessed over the friendship of these two and it was a welcome distraction from thinking about her own problems. She still had to disentangle her life from Barry, face her relatives, figure out what to do for money, and, worst of all, return the gifts. Yet, even with all of that looming over her, she felt a sense of relief. It was as if Monica and Chandler's friendship gave her hope. If these two can make it here from where they started, then surely, Rachel could get there too and find something that authentic with someone. It was the first time Rachel let herself think that she may have made the right decision when she ran out on her wedding.

* * *

Rachel's first day of work at Central Perk was almost complete. She knew she was not very good at it, but she did not care. It was a job, her job. No one could take that feeling of accomplishment away from her, even if she was fired today, she would always remember her first real job.

She had a bounce in her step as she darted around the lobby, and it was not because she refilled coffees and took orders for muffins and scones. It was because she had these five new friends. These people were kind to her and supportive and there was no exchange required for any of it, which she was used to with her sisters. A quid pro quo between siblings as they conspired behind their parents' backs. This was nothing like that. This was pure friendship. There was no need to reciprocate. No need to promise anything in return. It felt refreshing and wonderful to be surrounded by this group of people who were letting her discover who she was going to be on her own schedule.

She owed it all to Monica. She had no idea how she was going to repay her, but she knew that she would figure it out.

* * *

One by one, everyone left, until only Monica remained. Rachel was suspicious of her new roommate and wondered if she hung around the coffee house all day so that Rachel would have a familiar, friendly face to look at on her first day of work. The last few minutes of her shift ticked away and she was finally able to sit down next to Monica without the admonishing eyes of her boss burrowing through the back of her head.

"How are you?"

"Ugh. You haven't been around these last few years, but this entire Paul fiasco is pretty common for me. I seem to only attract the worst guys who end up not really giving a damn about me or my feelings. I am this magnet for scum."

"I'm sorry sweetie, but you know that's not true. I'm here, and at least you have the rest of the guys."

"Yeah. I guess."

Rachel looked off to the side and tried to lighten the mood. "What were you and Joey arguing about before?"

"When?"

"Earlier today?"

Monica chuckled to herself as she stretched her arm along the back of the couch. "He was mad because I didn't think he had a great butt."

"Joey? Uh, yeah he does. He has this nice, round, bubble of a firm butt. Sometimes I just want to squeeze it."

Monica laughed, but then quickly twisted her face in disgust. "Eww. Rachel. You don't know where that things been."

"You really don't like it?"

"It's fine, I guess it isn't my cup of tea."

"Well, who has a great butt as far as you're concerned?"

"What do you mean?"

"Out of the guys."

"Eww. I'm not going to rate my brother's butt."

Rachel started to look around the coffee shop. "Oh, that's right. Okay, uh…" Rachel pointed at a man standing at the counter. "Okay, sub him in for your brother. Rank the butts."

"Okay." Monica tilted her head to study the man's behind as he faced the opposite direction. "I'd say, this guy comes in third. Joey is number two, and I guess that leaves Chandler as number one."

"Really? Chandler?"

Monica shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess. He has this kind of unassuming quality to him. Like, Joey knows he looks good and it's kind of turns me off, but Chandler has no idea that he is nice to look at too. He just sits there thinking he's invisible or something, but he can be really handsome."

Rachel laughed and Monica slapped her on the arm playfully as she joined in and giggled. It felt like home to Rachel. It was as if they never skipped a beat and were back in high school, gossiping about the boys they knew and talking about who was the best looking. Still, it was a little different today than it was all those years ago. Normally, Rachel would try to go out with whoever they agreed was the hottest one, but that was not her focus today. She still needed to know if the knowing glances, soft touches and secret smiles could turn into something more, and as far as Rachel was concerned, Monica choosing Chandler over Joey was the final push she needed to go forward with her plan.

Rachel owed Monica, and Monica did not deserve to go out and get hurt by all the Pauls of the world, and she definitely did not deserve to settle for one of the Barrys. Monica deserved to be happy and she deserved to be with someone she felt close to, who made her laugh and feel comfortable in her own skin. Someone that she thought was attractive and that she loved to spend time with. And now, Rachel knew exactly how she was going to pay Monica back for all her kindness. She was going to get Monica and Chandler together.

* * *

A/N – This story is born from the last chapter I wrote in my pre-mondler series. The idea that an outsider would see the sparks and the chemistry between Monica and Chandler that the viewers, and especially Mondler fans, see. So, instead of inventing some new character I thought we should go all the way back to the beginning and use what seems like the perfect outsider who was already a part of the group.

Now, I don't write Rachel a lot, only because I am still a bit self-conscious about whether or not I have her "voice". I want to stay true to her character, but this story was growing and growing so fast, I had to start writing it. Now, while Rachel is making it her mission to get Monica and Chandler together, Ross is still out here with his own unrequited love, and I will cover that as well.

I haven't decided if each chapter will be an episode from season one or not, and I will mostly write around canon scenes, yet, as this story goes on, and the character's choices change from the show, things will get jumbled in the way I did for some other AUs like The Butterfly Effect.

I will try to update this at least once every week or so and still keep up with my other ongoing stories. As always, thank you for taking the time to read, and an extra thank you to anyone who leaves a review.


	2. Emotional Support Bing

**Emotional Support Bing**

Rachel grabbed a clean rag from underneath the counter after she placed a half-full coffee pot back onto the warmer. Central Perk had emptied out rather steadily over the last few hours, and there was only one customer left who looked to be preparing to leave as he put some cash on his table to pay the tab and slipped on his coat. She looked up at the clock and noted that she just needed to hold out for thirty more minutes and she could close up and go home. She walked out from behind the counter and smiled as she ran the cloth over a table in the lobby. She has only had this job for a week and she was already able to close up the café all by herself. She felt a swell of pride, even if it may not seem like much compared to a chef, a paleontologist, a masseuse/musician, and actor, and a whatever Chandler did for a living.

She heard the bell ring as the door opened and rolled her eyes in protest at the prospect of a new customer coming in to prolong her night, but she smiled when she saw that it was Monica and Chandler. They were not real customers. She could kick them out. She observed them as they entered and chuckled to herself. It appeared as if Monica was manhandling Chandler as she dragged him by his sleeve into the coffee house. Rachel smiled and nodded at them as a greeting and she watched her shove him down onto the couch. Monica promptly plopped down next to him and let out a loud, exasperated sigh.

"Coffee. Make it a double!"

Chandler laughed and reached his arm over the back of the couch. "A double?"

Monica raised her finger up at him and shook it as she silently scolded him. "Hey! I told you when I grabbed you in the hallway! No jokes at my expense tonight! Not after the dinner I just had with my parents!"

Chandler raised his hands in surrender and looked over his shoulder at Rachel. "I'll just have a regular coffee."

Rachel walked around the counter with a concerned look on her face and brought Monica her mug first. "Oh no. Mon, was it really that terrible?"

"Are you kidding me? If my mom wasn't complaining about the hor's d'oeuvre, then it was the cleanliness or my apartment, or my job, or the dinner, or how I somehow turned Carol into a lesbian!"

Chandler started to nod slowly and he let a lascivious smile spread across his lips. "Nice."

Monica jabbed her index finger into his chest. "What did I tell you in the hall!"

Chandler winced and rubbed his chest where Monica had poked him, exaggerating the pain he felt. "Ow! I can't cheer you up if I'm dead!"

Rachel walked back behind the counter and started to pour a cup of coffee for Chandler. "Is that what this is? A therapy session? Where is everybody else from your group?"

Chandler chuckled quietly and strained his neck to look over his shoulder again at Rachel. "Well, Joey is at an acting class and Phoebe is already on her way over. Ross is still at Monica's cleaning up and I was on my way into my apartment so I could watch that new Knight Rider movie Joey taped for me that aired on Saturday night."

Monica interrupted him as she cleared her throat. She lifted one suspicious eyebrow in his direction. "Chandler."

"Fine. I was going to watch Northern Exposure and…"

Monica sat up straight and playfully shoved his shoulder, knocking him into the corner of the couch. "Chandler!"

Chandler scoffed and shot Monica a stern look. "Is nothing sacred anymore woman! Fine! I wanted to watch this week's 90210!" Monica and Rachel snickered as they shared amused glances with each other. Chandler shook his head and took his coffee from Rachel as he narrowed his eyes at Monica. "The last time I tell you anything."

Rachel sat down in the chair next to the couch and smiled. "So, then what happened."

Monica leaned back and put her feet up on Chandler's legs. "Once they left, I had to get out of the apartment. I went looking for this guy and ran into him in the hallway."

"Why were you looking for him?"

Monica pursed her lips and tilted her head as she pondered Rachel's question. "Well, I don't know. I guess I'm just used to him being around when I need to vent about something."

"Ahh. I see."

Both Monica and Chandler turned to look at Rachel. They almost simultaneously twisted their faces up in confusion. "What?"

"He's your…emotional support. You feel down, he picks you up."

Monica laughed and shook her head. "You know what. I think you're right."

Chandler mocked an exaggerated gasp as if he were insulted and brought his hand to his chest. "What?"

Rachel pointed at Chandler and looked at Monica. "Yeah. I bet he comes to you with all his problems too."

Monica nodded. "You know what. He does."

"I do not. I treat all my problems the old-fashioned way. I swallow them deep down and bury them underneath my repressed memories until they eventually turn into tumors."

The two women laughed again and Monica started to slip off her shoes. "You know what would really make me feel better."

Chandler shook his head. "Nope."

Monica started to jab her foot into his midsection and wiggled her toes against him. "Oh, come on. If you do it, I won't tell Rachel about the time you begged me to go see 'The Bodyguard' with you and how you wanted me to tell everyone we actually went to see 'A Few Good Men' so no one would know."

Chandler's voice became high-pitched as he shouted indignantly. "What?"

Rachel started to laugh into her hand and shook her head. "The Bodyguard?"

Monica snickered. "We even went to Tower Records after the movie and bought the soundtrack."

"Hey! That song was a huge hit! I wasn't the only one who bought it!"

Monica and Rachel shared another knowing look and laughed. Monica began to dig her foot a bit more into his side. "Please?"

"Okay. Fine. But you have to make sure Rachel never tells anyone."

Rachel crossed her heart with her hand and raised three fingers in the air as if she were a scout giving him her solemn oath of silence. "Chandler, I swear that I," she closed her eyes and began to sing with exaggerated vocalization as she let her voice travel up and down the octave scale, off-key. "Willlll alwayyyssss looovvveee yooouuuuu!"

Monica rolled over on her side and started to laugh uncontrollably as Chandler shook his head and took one of her feet in his hand. "I have to tell you Mon, I do not like your new roommate."

Rachel laughed and then stood up as she tried to catch her breath. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist."

Chandler began to work his hands over Monica's feet and she closed her eyes and hummed. "That's nice."

Rachel shook her head and walked back to the coffee station. "I'm just going to clean up a few things." She smirked and stepped behind the counter as she watched Chandler continue to rub at Monica's feet. _"A foot rub? This is going to be so much easier than I thought."_

She started to wipe the rag over the same spot on the counter that she had already cleaned earlier tonight and focused her attention on Monica and Chandler as she tried to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Did Ross tell you what he was going to do about the baby?"

Monica shook her head slightly, but kept her eyes closed. "No. But you know him. He's going to do the right thing."

"He normally does."

"Oh! Right there! That's a good spot. Don't stop."

Chandler laughed and smiled. "You know, I don't hear that very often from women."

Monica peeked through one eye as a smile slowly spread across her face. "I hope you don't hear it that often for men either." Chandler rolled his eyes and squeezed at one of her toes. "Ow! Don't make me go over to your side of the couch and kick your ass!"

Rachel turned around so that the two of them could not see her smile. _"They're just going to lob this one up and I'm going to knock it out of the park!"_

"Try not to take what they think so seriously. You should be more like me."

"You mean, don't talk to my parents at all? How would that help?"

Chandler switched over and began to rub at her other foot. Kneading his knuckles into her arch. "Hey, don't knock it. You don't have to make small talk, or disappoint them with your uninspiring job. They don't embarrass you by having sex with the waiter. Everybody wins in that scenario."

"Sure. That sounds healthy." Monica grabbed a pillow from the couch and placed it behind her head as she closed her eyes again. "No. What I need to do is make them a dinner that is so delicious, in an apartment that is so spotless that they can't help themselves but heap praise on me. You'll see. It'll happen. I'll beat them next time."

Chandler lifted his eyebrows sarcastically. "Sure. That sounds healthy."

Monica playfully kicked at him, knocking his hand off her foot and she whimpered at the lost sensation of his hands on her feet. "No. Don't stop rubbing that one. I think I pulled something in it the other day at work."

"I don't see how you couldn't. You're on them all day at that job of yours. You should have been like me and picked a career where you can sit down and sometimes even nap when no one is looking. And, if you're lucky, you make absolutely no impression of any kind on your coworkers."

Monica pointed her toes at him and pouted. "Just a little bit more. And tell me something nice about me."

Chandler grabbed her foot again and began working on the inside of her arch. "What?"

"Tell me something I do well, you're good at that."

Chandler shook his head. "I could be watching Brandon and Kelly right now."

"Chandler!"

"Fine. Uh, you fluff pillows like nobody else."

"No."

"Okay. You make a great 'engagement ring lasagna'."

"Colder!" Monica kicked him playfully again with her other foot, this time being careful not to hit his arm so that he continued with his massage.

Chandler went quiet for a moment and then nodded to himself. "You're the best friend anyone could ask for."

Monica allowed a satisfied smile to spread across her lips. "That's right. I'm the best."

"And I really like that top you have on tonight."

"Really?"

"Yeah, when you move a little, I can almost see your bra strap underneath it."

Monica frowned and gave him one more playful kick. "You're a pig."

Chandler dropped her foot down and got up from the couch. "All right ladies. I've got to see a man about a horse."

Rachel tried not to make eye contact with Chandler as he walked away, fearing she would give away her thoughts. She looked over as Monica stretched out on the couch. Her eyes were still closed and she had a serene smile on her face. Rachel wondered how they could not see that they were already a couple. That, to her eyes, they were doing all the important things that couples were supposed to do. She tilted her head and bobbed it side-to-side. _"Well, maybe there is one more thing they need to do to make it official."_

Rachel walked over and sat back down on the chair next to Monica. "Feeling better?"

"Yes. It is nice just to be able to relax and not hear my mother say something about my hair or criticize the way I chew. Just being around you guys is making me feel better."

"Oh, well, you're welcome. Although, I guess Chandler deserves most of the credit."

"What?"

"You know, in cheering you up. He did most of the heavy lifting."

"Oh. I guess."

Rachel leaned forward in her seat. "What, uh, do you think his deal is."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I just mean, you two seem really close."

"Sure. I guess, the whole gang is really close."

"I know. But you two seem…like…well…take the foot massage…"

"What?"

Rachel took a deep breath, but before she could continue, the bell connected to the front door of the Perk rang out as Phoebe and Joey entered.

Phoebe bounded around the couch and sat down at Monica's feet. "Hey!"

Monica smiled as she sat up and grabbed her shoes from the floor. "Hey Pheebs. What's up guys?"

"Can you settle a bet."

Rachel pointed at Phoebe and laughed nervously. "Hey, uh, Pheebs, I think Chandler was sitting there."

Phoebe looked around and then grabbed a pillow from the couch and placed it on the high chair next to her. "Well, he can sit here now."

"Oh, because…"

Phoebe turned back to face Monica, who was putting her shoes back on. "Anyway, Joey and I need you to help us settle a bet. What was the name of the that guy who sang that song?"

Monica looked back and forth between Joey and Rachel. "What?"

Joey started to laugh. "Ha, ha, ha! Pay up Pheebs!"

Phoebe reached into her purse and took out a five-dollar bill. "Damn you Tribbiani!"

Rachel looked at Monica, a bemused expression on her face. "What?"

Monica closed her eyes again and shook her head. "I find it's better not to ask."

* * *

Rachel slammed the phone down and turned to look at everyone. "Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now."

Ross chuckled and nodded as everyone kept their gaze on the sonogram playing out on the television. Rachel smiled and looked at Ross and thought of the previous night. It was nice to be able to talk to someone about everything that was going on with her. To share her anxiety about having to see Barry again. It felt even better knowing he had his own thing going on with Carol and Susan. It was as if they were kindred spirits lamenting their dissolved relationships.

Everyone else in the group seemed to have most of their lives under control. Sure, they all seemed to either want to have better luck with dating, or their careers, but for the most part, none of them were dealing with ex-fiancés and pregnant ex-wives. Their problems were more mundane. Rachel and Ross had these distinctly different problems in their lives, but it still felt like they were going through them together. It was almost as if they related to each other on a different level than the rest of the group.

Rachel squinted her eyes as she heard sniffling coming from the kitchen. She looked at Monica who was wiping under her nose with a tissue. "Mon? Are you all right?"

Chandler looked over his shoulder and nodded in Monica's direction. "Oh, well, you know, she met her amorphous blob for the first time." He pointed at the television and then tilted his head as he tried to make out shapes in the black and grey image flickering on the screen. "If you look closely, I think it might be giving us the finger."

Monica shook her head. "Stop it!"

Chandler narrowed his eyes. "Ross, if you squint just right, you can see that the baby has your eyes."

Monica rubbed her hand on Ross's arm. "Don't listen to him. That baby is going to be beautiful."

Ross snapped his head straight up and wrinkled his brow. "What do you mean by that? If he or she had my eyes, then they wouldn't be?"

"No! That isn't what I mean." She then pointed at Chandler. "He's just being stupid!"

Chandler hopped up from the couch and smiled as he walked into the kitchen. "Oh, I'm being stupid?"

Monica walked over to him and nodded. "Yes."

"Oh, okay. Well, I guess I'm just really amazed at the thought of you being an aunt. It's overwhelming."

Monica face twisted as her lip started to quiver. "Why would you say that!" She lifted the tissue back up to her eyes and tried to cover her face as she turned around, overcome with emotions once again at the prospect of being an aunt.

Ross smirked and shared a high-five with Chandler, clearly approving of his antics. Monica looked over her shoulder at them and scowled. "No one likes the two of you when you act like this."

Ross laughed and took a sip from his bottle. "No one; meaning just you."

Chandler walked over and put his arm around her. "Oh, I'm just teasing. Congratulations. You're going to be a wonderful aunt."

Monica grabbed at his shirt and buried her face on his chest. "Stop saying that! And of course, I am going to be a wonderful aunt!"

Rachel shook her head and looked at Monica and Chandler one more time. They were so at ease with each other. They seemed to have this thing between them that she did not understand. She wondered if, like her and Ross, the two of them simply have some unique life experience that they could only share with each other. That none of the other's would truly understand how they felt. Maybe that was all it was. Maybe there were no sparks, and they were just two people enjoying a close friendship and being there for each other as emotional support. She then turned to look at Ross. She wondered if maybe the way she felt so comfortable talking with him that night after closing up the Perk is how something like that starts and you reach that level of closeness.

As she watched the scene before her unfold, there was a brief second where Rachel thought she should abandon her idea of getting Monica and Chandler to go out with each other. But then, she saw it again. As Monica pulled her head away from his chest and he said something that made Monica chuckle and smile. There was a shine in Monica's eyes that solidified Rachel's resolve.

At first, Rachel thought to herself, that maybe that sparkle that danced across Monica's eyes was a result of a few glasses of wine. Perhaps, Monica was still overcome with emotion from seeing the sonogram, and that was what had her face glowing as she looked up at Chandler. There seemed to be countless ways to dismiss what Rachel thought she saw between the two of them. Yet, if there was just a fraction of a chance that the response in Monica's eyes was in fact due to whatever it was that Chandler whispered to her right then and there as they stood in the kitchen with their limbs entwined, then they owed it to each other to see if there was something more going on between them.

Rachel knew, that if the roles were reversed, she would want someone to give her that push. That if there was a man making her look at him, the way Monica seemed to be looking at Chandler, all while both of them were completely oblivious to what they looked like to everyone else, Rachel would want to know. She would want somebody from the outside to tell her that she was in love. That whoever that man may be was also in love with her. Even if they did not know it themselves. That's exactly what she planned on doing with Monica and Chandler. She was going to use her unique vantage point to give them that push that they so desperately needed.


	3. Planting Seeds and Dirty Deeds

**Planting Seeds and Dirty Deeds**

Rachel leaned forward against the orange couch with her mouth agape as she supported her weight with her hands. She was in a state of complete shock at how out of touch with dating and all of the modern-day colloquialisms she actually was as she listened to everyone decode the language of rejection to her.

"You know, how like 'it's not you' means 'it is you'!"

She was beside herself. Had she been out of the loop from the singles scene for that long? Was she so thoroughly stunted in her growth as a young, vibrant woman in her twenties because of how long she had laid dormant in her relationship with Barry? Had she truly let herself become stifled and suffocated under the weight of him and his ambitions that she forgot who she was? It was dizzying to contemplate what damage her years with Barry must have done to that independent spirit she used to have.

She shook her head quickly as if to stifle those thoughts and hooked herself back into the conversation everyone was having as Ross talked about upstate farms and dead dogs. She looked at the group of friends that she now had and smiled, knowing that this was going to be a great place to find herself again.

She turned her focus to Monica and Chandler. There they were, as usual, sitting next to each other on the couch, every now and then sharing a playful tap or a childish nudge. They alternated slight touches that might have gone unnoticed by her before, but now were so obvious that they might as well have had bells and whistles attached to them. Monica would graze across his leg as she reached down to the table to get her cup of coffee. Chandler's hand would lazily stretch across the back of the couch, and when Monica leaned back again, she would rest her head against his forearm, and Rachel could almost swear that a slight hint of a smile spread across her lips when she did.

If there was ever a time for her to start planting the seeds, so that two of her best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives, now was as good as any. She bit her lip as she contemplated exactly what she should say or do. She knew that she had to be subtle. Over the last few weeks observing them she realized that there was no way either one of them would be receptive to her outwardly suggesting they should date. They had to figure it out on their own, they just needed a little push.

She took one more look at the two of them as they both seemed to be making the same, apprehensive face upon Ross's further discovery of his family dog's fate. Both of them with their lips curled down in a sympathetic frown, practically a mirror image of each other. Rachel noted that Monica looked cute in her overalls, but not unapproachably sexy, which would make things easier for Chandler now that she has seen how awkward he can be around women he finds overwhelmingly attractive. For Chandler's part, his hair looked great. She thought that his hair almost looked like a chestnut version of Patrick Swayze's. She knew how perfect that was for Monica, who fawned over the actor profusely while they watched "Ghost" during last week's movie night in the apartment. All she had to do was think of something to say to make them look at each other a little differently.

"Okay, well then, what about all those dating clichés? You know, like opposites attract. That one is obviously true."

The entire group turned their attention to Rachel, all at once, as if they were puppets connected to the same string. They each offered her a grimace and a half-hearted groan.

Rachel stepped back and emphatically waved her hand in the air. "What? That has to be true. There was a song about it!"

Joey nodded and chuckled to himself as he turned back to look at Chandler. "I know. Chandler still has the cassette in our stereo."

Chandler shot Joey a sharp look as the rest of the gang tried to cover up their laughter. Even Rachel had to hold her hand to her mouth to prevent herself from giggling out loud.

Chandler pointed at Joey defiantly. "I told you, that tape came with the apartment."

Monica laughed a bit louder, causing Chandler to playfully elbow her in her thigh. In return, she slapped him on his shoulder as she sniggered at him while they made eye contact. He rubbed his arm and exaggerated outrage at the group. He then pointed at Monica.

"Why are you laughing?"

Monica straightened up and instinctively grabbed at some of the fabric from his sleeve as she rolled it between her fingers. She flashed him a sympathetic smile as she released his shirt and let it snap back into place. "What? I'm sorry, but no one really believes that."

Chandler then turned his attention to the rest of the group as he shook his head emphatically. "But it's true."

They all looked back at him, each one of them trying to hold back their own amused smile and suspicious eyes. Monica glanced over at Rachel behind his back and gave her a nod. Rachel smirked and then begins to hum to the tune of "Opposites Attract". Joey, Phoebe and Ross immediately took that as their cue and started to sing together. "I take two steps forward…"

Chandler shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. He hung his head in defeat and he quietly spoke the next line to the song. "…I take two steps back."

The five of them erupted in uncontrollable laughter as Chandler grumbled under his breath. Rachel waved her hands at them, motioning for them to quiet down.

"Okay, okay. But seriously, do you think it is true? What do you say Mon? Do opposites attract?"

Monica shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head slightly as a precursor to her noncommittal answer. "I don't know Rach. Maybe? I know that I definitely need someone that I have a lot of things in common with. Someone who is neat and organized. Somebody with some ambition. Someone who likes fine food. Maybe someone who works in the culinary field. Someone who would want a family one day. Someone who wants something serious and not just a fling. I mean, you guys know that there is no way I could be with some lazy slob."

Chandler turned to Rachel and smirked. "Yes. Monica is making sure to eliminate all men in their twenties from her dating pool."

Monica slapped him again as she shot him an aggrieved expression. "What does that mean?"

"C'mon. Mature, organized, wants to get married and have babies? You just eliminated anyone under fifty."

Monica shook her head as Rachel closed her eyes to regain her composure. She then opened them up again and pointed at him.

"What about you, Chandler?"

"Huh? Well I think that depends."

Phoebe and Monica leaned in closer to him to listen as Rachel placed her hands back down onto the arms of the couch.

"On what?"

"On how hot she is."

Rachel, Phoebe and Monica all groaned and alternated shouts of "pig" and "typical". Monica slapped him on the shoulder one more time as she shook her head.

Joey and Ross shared a knowing look with each other and nodded. They then instinctively shielded themselves in an attempt to go undetected and avoid Chandler's fate in drawing scorn and a small amount of physical abuse from Phoebe, Rachel and Monica.

* * *

Monica waved her hands around incessantly as she attempted to dissipate the smoke that was still hanging in the air around her. Her face twisted up in disgust as she looked over her shoulder and back at Chandler. "Ugh! So gross. You know, you stink now."

Chandler gestured with his hands innocently. "What? Me?"

"Yes! Stink! Like smoke."

Chandler laughed and began to exaggerate his speech to mimic the ill-fated Steve once more. "Don't you mean Shhhtink like sshhhhmoke?"

Monica shook her head and suppressed a smile at the impression of her one-time paramour. She turned around to face the exit to the coffee shop. "Ugh, this is why I am not bringing Alan around any of you guys."

Rachel frowned at the mention of his name again. She watched Monica leave Central Perk in a huff. Rachel shook her head at the prospect of yet another one of Monica's dates getting in the way of Rachel's plans for her and Chandler. She then rolled her eyes.

_"For all of Monica's complaints about not being able to meet a guy, she sure does date a lot". _

Rachel felt as if everything was conspiring against her. All her subtle hints over the last week fell on deaf ears and every dinner or movie date with Alan pushed the prospect of convincing Monica that she was desperate enough to try anything, even Chandler, further and further away from reality. Every puff of his cigarette and crass comment made Chandler more unappealing in her eyes. That was when it hit her, that maybe she was going about this the wrong way. Instead of focusing on getting Monica to become more open-minded about the type of guy she should be dating in hopes that she will accept all of the flaws in Chandler, she would transform Chandler into the type of man that Monica would normally go for.

First thing first; if she was going to get Monica to think of Chandler romantically, he was going to have to quit smoking. If Monica abhorred smoke now as much as she did back in high school, he would have no chance to win her over. Rachel slid down on the couch and pushed herself closer to him as she pointed at the pack of cigarettes that were rested on the table next to his cup of coffee.

"Chandler. Are you really going to smoke now?"

"Well, maybe not right now." He looked down, snatched the pack from the table, and deftly popped one cigarette up out of the opening. "What am I saying, now sounds like the perfect time to smoke."

"Ugh. You shouldn't do that."

"Why?"

"How about all the health risks."

Chandler shrugged his shoulders as he looked at the cigarette in his hands. "Meh."

"Okay, what about the cost. Cigarettes are expensive."

"What else do I have to spend my money on."

Rachel rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Oh! This is infuriating!"

Ross smirked and gestured with his head towards Rachel. "You aren't going to win this one Green. Why do you care so much anyway?"

"Because, uh, well, he is our friend and we should all care."

Joey and Ross share a skeptical glance with each other. "Oh, okay."

Rachel clapped her hands. "I got it! The smell. They make you stink!"

Chandler furrowed his brow and shook his head. "Oh come on, it isn't that bad, right? Anyway, who cares, the bottom line is that smoking is cool."

Rachel shook her head and smiled. "Fine. You keep looking cool. Just know this, you will never have sex again as long as you smoke."

Chandler laughed slowly to himself and looked at Ross and Joey. "What? No. That's not…no…"

"Oh yes. Women do not like smoke. You keep putting those things in your mouth, you will never do the dirty deed again."

"That's not what the movies I saw as a kid told me."

"Well, it's true. No woman will want to sleep with you if you smoke all the time. Do you really think we want that smell in our hair? After we spent so much time and money on it at the salon?"

"Really? That can't be true. Pheebs?"

Phoebe looked up at the ceiling and avoided making eye contact with Chandler. "Well, I don't know if I can give you an honest answer, because I am kind of biased."

"Because you're my friend?"

"Oh no. It's just that I see you more as a sexless person, you know. I won't sleep with you no matter what you do."

"Wow. I can't hear that enough. Okay, well say it wasn't me. Say it was someone you did want to sleep with. Say like…"

Phoebe jumped up excitedly and cut him off. "Oh, okay, like James Brolin!"

Chandler sarcastically raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Uh sure. Okay, so you meet James Brolin. You're checking him out, he's making the eyes at you, you slide up real close, and he lights up one of these." Chandler held out his cigarette triumphantly. "Now, doesn't his cool factor go up?"

Phoebe started to wave her hands around and her face screwed up in disgust. "Oh, oh, ewww. Oh Chandler. You ruined James Brolin for me."

"Really? This doesn't look good?" Chandler placed the cigarette between his lips and reached for his lighter.

"Eww! No! Now I'm now running away from him, telling him, 'it's not you'! But we all know it is!"

Chandler looked down at the pack that was on the table in front of him. "Really?"

Rachel nods. "Yes. I told you. If you ever want to have sex again, you have to stop."

"But I like smoking. I need smoking."

Joey wrinkled his brow and leaned forward. "Yeah, but, you need sex. You like sex."

Chandler nodded and looked at the unlit cigarette in his hand. "This is also true."

"I mean, you don't really get any as it is. Do you really want to put more obstacles in your way?"

"Okay Joe. I get it."

"I mean, what if there is just one more woman out there willing to sleep with you, and then you repel her with your stink."

"All right. All right. I'll just have one more. You know, as a goodbye." Chandler put the unlit cigarette back into his mouth and then handed the pack to Joey. "Joe, I don't have the heart to do it. Can you just wait until I'm outside before you, well, you know..."

"Sure, buddy. You know what. This pack will be all right. I'm going to send it up to that farm with Ross's dog and the Marlboro man."

Ross snapped his focus back onto Joey and scowled at him. "Chi-Chi would not have liked that farm!"

* * *

Monica closed the door and smiled to herself as she turned around. She was feeling confident despite the fact that she was bracing herself for the onslaught of criticisms at Alan's expense that her friends were no doubt prepared to hurl her way.

Rachel looked at the rest of the group as they surprisingly heaped praise on Monica's date and she shook her head. She knew everyone loved Alan; he was charming, funny and smart. He was obviously someone Monica could get caught up in if given the chance. Now, with the entire gang getting behind him, it was going to be difficult for Rachel to make a case against him.

"Rach, you haven't said anything." Monica folded her arms and looked over at her while she taped her foot impatiently. "What did you think?"

Rachel looked around the room and shook her head. "Oh, well, I don't know."

Everyone else groaned in protest and started to grumble to each other. Ross looked at her with a nonplussed expression on his face.

"What? Are you serious? Come on."

Joey leaned forward and practically pleaded with his eye for her to come to her senses. "You know Rach, you haven't been here to see all the losers and rejects Mon normally brings home."

Monica glanced at Chandler with bulging eyes that implored him to recognize how insulted she was. "Gee, thanks Joe."

Chandler gestured with his hand for her to calm down. "Mon, I think what Joey means is that you finally lucked into a good one."

Ross chuckled and looked over at Joey. "Yeah out of the thousands of crap-weasels she went out with."

Monica gritted her teeth at Ross and Joey as they sniggered into their hands. "Not helping Ross!" She then turned and looked at Rachel again. "So, what, is there something wrong with him?"

Rachel started to weakly move her hands about as she tried to come up with something negative to say about Alan. "Well, I mean, it's just…I didn't…uh, well…don't you think he kind of looks like a low-rent Frasier Crane?"

Monica twisted her face up in confusion and then held her hand out, as if demanding an explanation.

Rachel looked over at Phoebe, hoping to find an ally. "Come on Pheebs. You saw it right? With the hair and the beard. I kept looking at him, but all I could think about was tossed salads and scrambled eggs."

Phoebe shook her head and looked over at Monica. "Oh no, I thought he was sexy with that crooked smile and his…"

Rachel cut her off abruptly. "Oh what the hell do you know. You want to sleep with James Brolin!"

Phoebe gasped, but then smiled and nodded over at Joey. "Yeah I do!"

Joey smiled and then reached over for the football phone she had on the table in front of her. "Oh, uh, Pheebs, do you think I could have that?"

Chandler slipped down and slumped back into his seat as he stretched his arm across the back of the couch. "Joey, you know it isn't a real football, right. You can't throw it around all day and then make phone calls with it."

"Of course I know that….now."

Ross shook his head and then gestured with his thumb at Rachel while he tried to get Monica's attention.

"I don't know what Rachel is talking about. He's great. As a matter of fact, I think he should be the yardstick on which all of your future boyfriends are measured against."

Rachel stood up and vehemently shook her head at Ross in disagreement. She then turned to Monica.

"You know what else? Did you see that hairline. He'll be wearing plugs in a month." Everyone waved her off and she bristled as they directed more groans at her. She pursed her lips and then shook her head as she started to hum the theme song to "Frasier". She walked towards Monica and started to walk around her as her humming got louder and louder. "I don't know. How do you sleep with that?"

Ross shook his head one more time. "Stop. You're being ridiculous. Anyway, people think Frasier is sexy."

Phoebe looked over at Joey again and nodded. "Yeah I do!"

Monica raised her hand to her mouth as her eyes bulged in horror. "Oh my god. I totally see it now."

Rachel laughed and smugly nodded her head at Ross. "See. It isn't sexy."

"Wait, but Alan is great, what about that David Hasselhoff impression." Chandler stood up and started to mock running in slow motion. "I'm going to do this at parties!"

Joey sat back and laughed. "If you're going to do that, then you might as well start smoking again. Either way you're screwed. Or should I say, you won't be screwed."

Chandler plopped back down on the couch and mocked an inarticulate impression of Joey.

Monica, her hand still covering her mouth, slowly shook her head. "No. All I can see now is Frasier. I can't go out with him knowing all I am going to hear come out of his mouth is that damn theme song."

Rachel raised her hands up in triumph and then sat back down on the chair. She then looked over at Chandler. "Hey Mon, guess who quit smoking today."

Monica looked down at Chandler and smiled. "Really? So soon? That's great!" She leaned over and gave him a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you. Last time you relapsed, it took us six months to get you to quit."

Chandler laughed. "I know. What can I say? Rachel made a pretty convincing argument."

Rachel sat back in the chair, basking in the glow of her success. It was a good couple of days; Alan was sure to be gone now and Chandler quit smoking. She turned to look at Chandler and smiled as she watched him. Monica pulled back from their hug and then entered the kitchen. Chandler's eyes followed her for a moment before he turned back his focus to the rest of the group.

Ross tilted his head and studied Rachel for a moment. He then looked over at Chandler, and then back at Rachel. A look of confusion washed over his face as he tried to figure out if what he thought he was seeing was just his imagination, or if there was something going on between Rachel and Chandler.


	4. Getting It Twisted

**Getting It Twisted**

Rachel had been flying high and feeling good about herself over the last few weeks ever since she started working at Central Perk. She felt as if everything was finally back on track for her, and with Monica's help, she was heading forward and in the right direction. She had successfully moved past obsessing about her ill-fated wedding day and the life she had with Barry that she left behind. A life which she now knows was suffocating her. All of that was now fully in her rearview mirror and was quickly becoming a distant memory. She had a job, she was getting paid, and she had a new group of great, if odd and sometimes inappropriate, friends. She was focused on the future. Nothing was going to bring her down.

Or so she thought.

Without warning, disaster struck in the guise of her old friends from Long Island. At first, Rachel was thrilled at the prospect of her impromptu reunion, despite the fact that she saw Monica and Phoebe poking fun at their exuberance. The two of them were not exactly subtle in their disdain and mockery, but she did not care. She was excited to show her old friends this new and improved version of herself. She was sure that they were going to be impressed. She was no longer Rachel: the girl who rushed into an engagement with the first man she dated that had the word "doctor" attached to his name. Now she was Rachel: the self-sufficient, independent woman of New York City. She was making her own way in the world. She even entertained the idea that she might inspire them to reexamine their own lives. That they too would see that escape from the overbearing shadows of their parents, boyfriends or husbands was achievable. They too could find their own voices.

It did not work out that way.

Instead, seeing her old friends only reminded her of how utterly useless and out of place she felt in Manhattan. Their presence and sympathetic eyes amplified how uncomfortable she really was with sharing the bustling city streets with young professionals who knew what they wanted out of life. They threw a spotlight on how degrading it was to be working as a waitress, especially at her age. Relying on low pay and tips to make ends meet. How could she have thought that she might actually incited her friends to embrace and emulate the new her. If she were still one of them, she would have joined them as they looked down on this barista she had become with very little empathy, like she had done to so many other nameless, faceless servers throughout the last few years.

Throughout the afternoon, they flaunted their careers, engagements and pregnancies which only served to cause Rachel to have a near panic attack at the idea that she was nowhere close to any of those things. That she had hit the reset button on her life; jumped out of the plane without a parachute. She started to worry that she may have ruined her only chance for all of the things that her old friends now took for granted.

She wondered to herself all day if this was going to be her life. She would simply be struggling to make ends meet. Living alone. No boyfriend. No engagement. No chance at having a child of her own. Even worse, she would never have any time to go shopping! Not bargain hunting at the low-end department stores, like she does with Monica, but real, bonafide shopping. Without the carefully prepared lists and the budgets and concerns about credit card balances. No more pushing mislabeled blouses, pants and skirts around on a rack in a never-ending quest to find something adequate to wear. She longed for the days when she would have a dedicated salesperson there waiting on her and bringing out clothes for her to try on. Maybe even with a mimosa on hand to sip at while she looked at herself in the three-way full-length mirrors instead of balancing her bag on a hook while she tried clothes on in a tight changing room filled with plastic hangers. What she wouldn't give for a chance to go shopping one more time like a civilized woman.

Sadly, for Rachel, those days of avarice were over. She had no man, no career prospects, no money, no charge cards in her father's name with his perfect credit rating and bottomless accounts. Now she was just a typical schlub buying off the rack. Saving money in an empty coffee can in hopes that maybe she could afford last year's shoes, as long as they were on sale and had a slight imperfection so that the price was marked down even further.

Seeing her friends from home also reminded her how cut off from that world she had become. Spending all her time with Monica and her friends, she had not made contact with anyone besides her parents since the day she ran out on her wedding. These friends who she was once so inseparable from, never bothered to check in on her to see how she was doing. Her two sisters never called to find out where she was living. The only people from her past life who seemed to be concerned, were the outsourced customer service agent from Visa and Mastercard, wondering if she was okay and why she was not spending any money.

She had been in a funk all day since she saw those vapid women that she once thought were her closest friends. They were more like The Furies, seemingly come to punish her and torment her as if she broke some oath to live the rest of her days as a mindless, shallow Stepford Wife. Yet, once evening fell, and she returned home to the apartment she shared with Monica, all Rachel could think was, thank god for her girls. Monica and Phoebe commiserating with her was precisely the salve she needed to help heal the scars that opened back up thanks to the visiting Long Island Harpies. She was also thankful for whatever this devil's elixir was that Monica had whipped up, because it was oh-so strong, and the alcohol numbed her in the most pleasant of ways. She was now prepared to gorge herself on pizza and forget that the world outside existed.

As the night went on, she would have been content to lie there on the floor, or on the couch, drinking until she passed out, but the universe was not done with her yet. It graciously offered her yet another pleasant distraction, which showed up in the guise of George Stephanopoulos' wrongly delivered pizza. She liked George. She liked him even more because of the booze. That little preppie Greek nerd was just her type, and he was going to be the final savior of the night. One glimpse was all she wanted. It didn't matter how pathetic it seemed; she was going to see that man without his towel if her life depended on it. The fact that Monica and Phoebe were of the same mind let her know that she had finally found her kind of people. They were fast becoming true friends. Not like the plastic creatures that had plagued her all afternoon. These were two women who truly shared her specific brand of pathetic, and did not judge her for it. Instead, Monica and Phoebe embraced her for it. She knew that a true bond of solidarity was being forged this night. A bond unlike anything she had with those women she thought were her friends.

A warm feeling of contentment washed over her, that may, or may not, have been a side effect from the alcohol. She propped up one of the couch cushions against the wall of the balcony, grabbed her drink, and prepared herself for an unconventional evening of the three Gs; girl's talk, gossip, and George. Rachel looked at Monica and Phoebe and frowned a bit. The drink made her less lucid, but it also slowed the world down, and it helped her see things a bit clearer. She knew her tirade earlier had brought the girls down as they reflected on their own lives. She worried that perhaps they did not get over it as quickly as she had.

"Hey. I hope I didn't make tonight sad. Did I make tonight sad?"

Monica waved her off with her hand. "What? Oh, no. We're having fun."

"You bummed me out." Phoebe shrugged her shoulders and leaned over to put the straw from her drink into her mouth.

Monica turned to look at Phoebe and let out an audible "tsk". She looked back at Rachel and shook her head. "No. We're fine. We all go through those moments where we aren't sure if we are where we thought we would be."

Rachel wrinkled her brow. "Really?"

Monica laughed and emphatically gestured with her hand. "Yeah. Do you know where I thought I'd be by now? I'm twenty-five! I'm supposed to be a head chef, engaged, and picking out paint colors for the nursery."

Phoebe wrinkled her brow as she looked up. "Shotgun wedding?"

Monica rolled her eyes. "No! My fiancé and I just want to start a family as soon as possible so we would make sure that the house we buy already has a nursery."

Phoebe sat up and smiled excitedly. "Oh. He sounds nice. Who is he?"

Monica glared at Phoebe as she shook her head. "That's what I'm trying to say. None of these things have happened for me yet. I was supposed to have completed my second culinary degree by now."

Rachel brought her hand to her chin and rubbed it. "Well, uh, what is this guy like?"

Monica nodded her head towards the building across the street. "He's like George. Preppie. Only, maybe a little taller. Okay, a lot taller. He has to be taller than me. And maybe not such dark hair. I like a lighter color."

Phoebe let out an audible "tsk", giving back to Monica the same discerning look she had received from her just a few moments ago. "Oh, you shouldn't discriminate against short guys with dark hair."

"I know, I know. It makes me a little shallow, but I just want to be able to wear heels and not have to bend down to kiss my boyfriend."

Rachel giggled and smiled. "Our guys are kind of preppie. They're all tall too."

Monica laughed. "Preppie? Oh Rach, did you not see the three of them before they left for the game?"

"Oh, I know, but Chandler is always wearing slacks and a tie."

Monica snorted under her breath dismissively. "Yeah, to work. Then he's all backwards baseball caps and gross, old jeans that he refuses to replace."

Rachel laughed and shook her head. "He wears a suit out too. I'm just saying that he dresses nice. Maybe he could use some more color, but don't you think he looks good in a suit?"

Monica and Phoebe shared a quick, suspicious glance with each other.

Phoebe took a sip from her drink and then shook her head incredulously at Rachel. "Chandler? Really?"

"What?" Rachel gestured towards Monica with her hand. "Are you telling me you don't see it Monica?"

"I guess. When he is all dressed up, he can look nice."

Rachel slumped back against the couch cushion and began to try and catch her straw to take a drink. "I think Chandler is a lot more sophisticated than you give him credit for."

Phoebe shook her head. "I don't know. I think he is like one of those repressed guys that you have to seduce."

Monica snapped her head back to look at her. "Phoebe!"

"What? Don't you?"

Monica shrugs. "I don't know. I don't think about him like that."

Rachel nudged her. "Oh, come on. You haven't thought about what the guys would be like in bed? I mean, Joey is probably like one of those kiddie-rides that you see out in front of the supermarket. You know? You just have to put the quarter in and it just goes."

Phoebe shook her head. "I think he might surprise…"

Rachel waved her hand as she cut Phoebe off mid-sentence. "I would say, out of the guys, I bet Chandler is where it is at. Plus, he's probably just happy to be there with a woman who wants to sleep with him that he would sort of be an overachiever."

Monica tilted her head as she pondered Rachel's words and shrugged her shoulders as she nodded. "I guess."

Phoebe looked back at Rachel and squinted her eyes as if she were trying to see deep inside her head.

* * *

Rachel was happy that the apartment was filled with people again after the boys returned from their hockey game, and their trip to the hospital. Having all six of them together made it loud and boisterous, but for her, it was the perfect way to end the night. Her visit with her old friends from Long Island was already wiped clean from her mind. She was no longer worried about her paycheck, FICA, Barry, her parents, or anything else. Instead, she saw an opportunity to focus her attention back on Monica and Chandler. She was sure she laid enough ground work earlier to make Monica see him a little differently, now she just needed to figure out a way to get them a bit more physically intimate. Monica seemed to be the right amount of drunk and still on her high from seeing George drop his towel that maybe just having their bodies close together might help light the spark that she sees between them.

Rachel clapped her hands together excitedly and then grabbed one of the games that Phoebe had brought over from the coffee table. "I know! Let's play Twister!"

Monica and Phoebe groaned slightly.

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun."

Joey stepped over behind her and began to nod as a salacious smile spread across his lips. "Yeah. Three girls playing Twister. I like that. Ooo! Let me play!"

Rachel looked past Joey at Chandler who was standing in the kitchen. "Oh, uh, actually, why not let Chandler play."

Joey chuckled and then gently brushed his hand up Rachel's arm. "Rach, you're still new here. I'm normally the one who rolls around on the floor with three hot chicks. Chandler's the one who makes jokes about it."

Rachel rolled her eyes and shook her head as she pushed Joey aside. "Come on Chandler. Let's play." She then turned back to Joey. "Why don't you go downstairs and find the cushion I dropped off the balcony."

Monica turned around as her eyes opened wide with a mix of anger and horror. "You what!"

"I was going to clean it."

* * *

Ross spun the plastic arrow on the game-piece and nodded his head when it stopped. "Okay Pheebs, right hand blue."

Phoebe bent over Rachel and placed her hand on the mat. Monica was next to them, facing up as she had her hands and feet on different colored circles as she tried to hold herself up. Chandler was bent over her with one hand down that was supporting his weight. Joey raised his hands in protest, feeling as if the opportunity to see the girls bent over was being wasted on Chandler. Joey contemplated walking over to join the game, but the phone rang and he instinctively picked it up.

"Hello? Oh sure. Hey Rach, it's the Visa card people."

"Okay. I'm coming!" Rachel began to slide out from under Phoebe and stopped herself as she glanced at Monica and Chandler, who were twisted like pretzels as they tried to avoid touching each other and the ground. She let a quick, devilish smile flash across her face and then swung her leg wide so she could catch Phoebe's foot, causing her to fall down.

Ross pointed at her and shook his head. "Oh, Pheebs. You fell. You're out."

"What! But Rachel made me fall by moving!"

"Yeah, you're both out."

"But she was just going to talk on the phone. That doesn't count."

Ross started to become defensive as he held up the small sheet of paper that had the instructions for the game printed on it. "Look. The rules clearly state that if you fall or touch the mat with an elbow or a knee, you're eliminated."

Phoebe stood up and huffed loudly. "Well, we shouldn't play by those rules. They're stupid."

Monica turned her head as best she could to look at Phoebe. "Don't blame the rules. The rules are how we have fun! I mean, what are we going to do, just play all willy-nilly with no rules. You have to have rules or you don't have a winner! If there's no winner then we're just a bunch of losers wasting our time!"

Chandler looked over at Ross and nodded. "Monica would have made a great catholic school nun don't you think?"

Ross smirked and spun the arrow again. Rachel watched as he instructed Monica to move her foot to a red circle. Unable to do it in one move, she knocked Chandler's legs out from under him, causing the two of them to crash down on top of each other. The two began to laugh and poked at each other as they tried to playfully blame each other for their current state. Rachel could not help but smile and nod proudly as she took the phone from Joey's hands.

* * *

Monica stepped out onto the balcony and greeted Chandler with a nod. He was sipping at a drink as he looked out towards the building across the street.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Monica squinted her eyes as she looked around the balcony. "You're not smoking out here? Are you?"

Chandler shot her a puzzled look. "What? No. I'm just getting some air." He looked back at Monica. "What are you doing out here?"

"Oh, uh, I'm just getting some air too."

Chandler looked around at the discarded cups and blankets strewn about the balcony. "You came out here to clean up, didn't you?"

Monica shrugged her shoulders in defeat as she bent down to start picking up some of the trash that was left behind.

"What are you looking at? Please don't tell me George Stephanopoulos."

Chandler furrowed his brow and shook his head. "What? No. Sometimes I come out here so I can look at that." He pointed at a lacy pair of women's underwear that hung from the telephone pole across the alley.

Monica jumped up and grabbed his hand, knocking it down as she glanced behind her to make sure no one was looking. "Shh!"

Chandler laughed and lowered his hand, absentmindedly linking his fingers between hers. "I mean, they're nice. Maybe a little full coverage though."

Monica squeezed his fingers as she shot him a glare. "Are you saying they're granny panties."

"Ow!" Chandler wrestled his hand free and began to shake and rub it.

Monica giggled and looked up again at the pair of underwear. "I guess they aren't my best pair."

Chandler's cheeks became flush and his eyes went wide as he turned to look at her. Monica could only offer him a laugh and she smiled, content that she was able to embarrass him and make him uncomfortable. Successfully turning the conversation around and thwarting his efforts to humiliate her. She derived pleasure in eliciting this reaction from him, which normally rendered him speechless. She returned to her task of cleaning up and couldn't resist throwing one more jab at him to finish him off and send him away flustered and muttering to himself.

"Oh yeah. I have much better stuff than that, at least, when I wear them at all."

* * *

Rachel smiled as she stared out towards the balcony. She watched Monica and Chandler and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that they were flirting. She could see it all over their faces, even if they were still blind to it. The way they laughed and teased each other. The intimate touches they shared. The way their cheeks turned red when one of them said just the right thing.

She knew this was going to work.

Rachel hummed to herself as she walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water.

"Okay, well, I am off to bed guys. Try to keep it down? I have an early shift tomorrow."

Ross watched Rachel as she walked into her room and sighed as he shook his head. "Yeah, uh, I guess I am going to get going too. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Say bye to Mon and Chandler for me."

He exited the apartment quickly, leaving Phoebe and Joey alone at the kitchen table. Phoebe watched as Joey fidgeted in his chair and pouted.

"You aren't still mad about not being able to play Twister, are you?"

Joey let out an exasperated sigh and gestured towards the living room. "I always get to play inappropriate games with hot girls. I'm the one who is supposed to see the three of you all bent over and stretching."

Phoebe narrowed her eyes and sternly pointed at Joey. "First off, I am officially offended. Second, thanks for calling me hot."

Joey slumped back into his chair. "Anyway, what was the big deal? Why did she want Chandler to play?"

Phoebe shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. She was talking about him a lot tonight. At first, I didn't think anything about it, but it is strange." Suddenly, her eyes went wide as she looked back towards Rachel's bedroom before returning her attention to Joey. "Oh my god! I bet they're doing it."


	5. Breaking It Up

**Breaking It Up**

"Wait!" You have a girlfriend?"

Chandler stepped back, slightly caught off-guard by Rachel's surprisingly loud and aggressive tone as she jabbed at him with her pen. Ross looked over and wrinkled his brow in frustrated confusion as he let out a mock laugh to release the tension that he felt rising inside him.

"Why are you so shocked? Am I not boyfriend material or something?"

Rachel approached Chandler, her eyes wide with shock. "How come I've never seen her? Why have you never mentioned her? Why is this the first I'm hearing about this girlfriend?"

Joey chuckled and looked across the room at the others. "Uh, well, I wouldn't so much call her a girlfriend. She's more like a girl he went on a date with and couldn't bring himself to tell her that he wasn't interested in seeing her anymore."

Monica smirked and nodded. "Yeah. Don't think of it as a relationship, just think of it as one long, bad date."

"Oh, I think Janice is nice." Phoebe folded her arms and pouted a bit, as if she were the aggrieved party instead of Janice. She then pointed at Chandler. "Besides, you know, she might be your only shot at a girlfriend."

Chandler whipped around to face her and glared at Phoebe indignantly. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you aren't really that good with women."

Chandler brought his hand to his chin and nodded contemplatively. "That is true."

Rachel waved her arms dismissively in the air. "What? I'm sure there's other girls out there for you Chandler."

"Really? Like who? Do you girls have a club or something where you all talk about this kind of stuff?"

Rachel couldn't help but quickly glance over at Monica. She turned back to Chandler and stammered a bit on her words, and before she could gather her thoughts, Ross interrupted her by when he cleared his throat.

"Rach. Do you have a problem with Chandler having a girlfriend?" He glanced over at Phoebe and Monica and let out another strained chuckle that he hoped masked his discomfort. He raised a suspicious eyebrow at her as he waited for her to respond.

Rachel shrunk down a bit into her shoulders and shook her head. "No. I just want my friends to be happy. And if Chandler isn't happy with this, uh, Janice person, then, shouldn't he move on?"

Chandler let out an anguished sigh as he covered his face with his hands and collapsed down onto the couch. "It doesn't matter. They're right. I'm terrible at break-ups. They're so hard."

"I'll do it for you."

Everyone turned to look at Rachel, each one looking more confused than the other.

"What?"

"I mean, you know, I'll help out. As moral support. Keep you from losing your nerve."

Monica huffed and shook her head. "We're supposed to do laundry tonight, Rach."

Phoebe's eyes lit up as she sat forward. "No, wait! Chandler, I'll do it with you!"

Joey laughed and elbowed Chandler playfully in his side. "Did you hear that? She said she'll do it with you."

Chandler slowly shook his head in response to Joey's clumsy entendre and then turned back to look at Phoebe. Before he could speak, he snapped his head around to the front of the coffee house when he saw a familiar, busty blonde briskly walk past the couch in a tight dress. He elbowed Joey in the ribs and gestured at her with his head.

She looked at the two men out of the corner of her eye as she tried to appear disinterested in them. All she offered was a curt, "Joey" as she sashayed over towards the counter.

Joey's eye went wide and he could barely keep his tongue in his mouth; practically panting at her like a dog in heat. "My god! Angela?"

Rachel fixed her eyes on Chandler as Monica and Joey began to talk about yet another one of the guy's mystery girlfriends that she had no idea existed. Rachel had become so comfortable with everyone over the last two months, and although it felt as if she had known them for years, there was still so much about their lives during the time before she showed up that she was not privy to. Add to that how hard it was to get Monica to gossip about their friends, and it was no wonder why Rachel sometimes felt like she was kept in the dark about the more personal details of everyone in the group.

The idea that Chandler and Joey had girlfriends or exes never even crossed her mind. Although she reassured herself that it was not because she was self-absorbed and focused on her own problems. How could she have known when neither one of them had ever mentioned a Janice or an Angela. She took a moment to realize how silly it was to assume they were both single. Joey and Chandler were young, attractive, charming men in their twenties; or at least charming to people who didn't see them every day, and who weren't privy to their worst tendencies and characteristics.

"So, you break up with Janice, and I'll break up with Tony."

Rachel shook her head and turned to look at Phoebe, her mouth opened wide with surprise once again. "You're dating someone too? Does everyone have a girlfriend or boyfriend besides me?"

Monica raised her hand and chuckled. "This is why you and I have a hot date at the Laundorama." She then shook her head as she turned her attention to Joey who was at the counter with Angela. "Look at him. You know, this is the problem with men. You never want what you have until its gone, then, you go chasing after it, trying to get it back when you should have appreciated it in the first place." She stuck an admonishing finger in Chandler's direction. "You're going to do the same thing with Janice. The minute you break up with her you are going to go crawling back."

Chandler gestured at Joey with his thumb. "He's the one chatting up his ex and I'm the one getting yelled at."

"I'm telling you; you two will be back together by Christmas."

Chandler let out a loud chuckle and scoffed. "Oh-ho-no! I predict that tonight will be the last time I ever see that woman. I'm going to break up with her and she will be out of my life forever."

"Yeah right." Monica laughed dismissively at him and quickly glanced at everyone else for approval.

Rachel slumped into her shoulders. "I don't know. I think that you have to find what you're looking for, and sometimes what you're looking for can be right there in front of you and you're too close to it to see it." She looked at Chandler who was reaching for his mug. "You know, maybe one day, it is just sitting there, drinking coffee."

Chandler looked up, only half-listening. "What's that now?"

"Nothing." Rachel huffed as she pulled on the dish towel she had in her hands and walked over to wipe down a table towards the back of the coffee house.

Ross looked over at Chandler and then back to Rachel. He stood up and muttered to himself. "She's right".

Monica looked up at him with a puzzled look on her face. "What?"

Ross ignored her and walked up to Rachel. He had no idea where this crush of hers is coming from, but he was determined not to miss out on his chance with her before she made a move on Chandler.

* * *

On her way up the stairs to the apartment, Rachel could not shake how different Ross seemed today at the coffee house when insisted on joining her at the laundromat. He was usually reserved and came across awkward and timid at times, but today he was almost forceful. It was as if he were another man. Confident, strong, and purposeful. She wondered if perhaps his was changing because of his divorce, or if it was a result from him learning he was going to become a father.

As she opened to door to apartment twenty, she could hear Joey practically whining as he pleaded with Monica.

"I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please?"

Monica stared at him with hard eyes that slowly softened until her entire body conveyed her sympathy for him. "Fine. But this guy better be good looking."

"He is! I mean, you saw the ass on Angela. Right?"

Monica's smile turned into a disapproving frown as she shook her head. "Pig." She stormed off into her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

Joey waved a triumphant fist in the air as he spun around and bounced out of the apartment with joyful exuberance.

Rachel looked back and forth between Monica's bedroom door and the front door as she dropped her purse on the kitchen table. "What the hell just happened?"

She charged out of the apartment and grabbed Joey by the arm before he could reach his own door.

"What the hell did you just do Tribbiani? Did you set Monica up on a date?"

Joey pulled back and almost fell against his door to evade Rachel as she came up close to him, waving her finger at him. "Huh? Uh, yeah, sort of."

"Well…you shouldn't do that! I know Monica best. I should be the one to set her up."

"Haven't you not seen her for like five years?"

Rachel groaned as she spun around. "That's not the point! Why are you even doing this?"

"If I can get Monica to hit it off with Bob, then I can get back with Angela!"

Rachel seethed as she glared at him. "Didn't you break up with this girl? Don't you know you're ruining everything? And who the hell is Bob?"

"What?"

Rachel brought her hand to her mouth as if it would hold back the words that were threatening to escape her lips. She looked around the hallway and then squinted as she returned her gaze to Joey, who was still pinned up against his door.

"Is Chandler home?"

"No."

Before he knew what was going on, Rachel grabbed Joey as she covered his mouth. She shushed him and forced him inside his apartment. She kept pushing him further away from the door, past the kitchen until he finally stumbled backwards, causing both of them to crash down onto the couch.

As Rachel laid on top of him, he allowed a salacious smile to spread across his lips. "Oh. Is this what that was all about? Rach, all you had to do was ask."

Joey reached down to pull his shirt off and Rachel quickly sat up in protest. She shot daggers at him with her eyes as she smacked him on the chest.

"Ugh! No Joey! This isn't about me and you, this is about Monica and Chandler!"

Joey eyes went wide as he quickly spun his head between Chandler's bedroom door and the front door to the apartment.

"Him! And Her? How? When?"

Rachel screwed up her face and then quickly shook her head. "No! They aren't together right now. I'm trying to set them up?"

"What?"

"Oh come on Joey. Don't you see how they are with each other?"

"No."

"You're telling me you never noticed how much they touch each other, or sit on top of each other half the time?"

"No."

"Are you telling me that you don't see them when they share a little private joke with each other when they think no one else is watching?"

"No."

"Ugh! You don't know anything do you."

"I know one thing."

"What?"

"Chandler and Janice did it on the couch there." He pointed to where she was sitting and she stood up quickly, twisting her face in disgust.

Joey laughed and rubbed his chin. "Wow. Chandler and Monica? This is a big deal. We have to tell somebody."

"What? No! You can't!"

Joey stated to fidget and huff nervously. "I can't keep this a secret! It'll be too hard."

"Look! I just need a few more weeks to figure out how to do this." Rachel turned away for a moment and then looked back at Joey. "Wait a minute. You can help me! Yes! I'll work on Monica and you work on Chandler!"

"I don't know Rach. I don't think I'm comfortable doing that. Plus, what do I do about Angela?"

"Oh forget about Angela! Look, you do this for me and I'll do something for you."

Joey nodded and smiled lasciviously again as he started to pull his shirt off. "Now you're talking."

Rachel reached out and grabbed his hands, holding his arms steady. "Not that Joe!"

Joey pouted and then fixed his shirt.

"You know that girl Michele at my job."

"Yeah! I've been trying to get a date with her for weeks!"

"Okay, you do this for me, and I'll get you that date."

"Well, uh, what do you want me to do? Cancel dinner with Angela and Bob?"

Rachel's eyes lit up and she allowed a devious smile to spread across her lips. "No. You go on that date, but you make sure that Monica has a terrible time. Like, I want her to swear off all men when she comes home. Can you do that?"

Joey rubbed his chin and looked down as he nodded in agreement. "All right. I'll help, and I'll keep quiet. But you do it with me once."

"Joey!"

"Didn't think so."

* * *

Ross hung up the phone and looked over at Chandler, who was still playing with his dinosaur model. "Come on man, last time somebody messed with those, they broke one."

"That was Joey! I'm not as clumsy as he is." Suddenly, the model slipped out of Chandler's hands. He started to panic as he slapped it side to side until he finally caught it between his fingertips, just before it crashed to the ground.

He handed it back to Ross with a sheepish look on his face. "Yeah, maybe I should stop playing with this."

Ross shook his head and then gestured towards the phone. "That was Monica. She isn't going to be able to meet me and Rachel at the laundromat tonight."

"So, uh, it's just going to be the two of you?"

Ross felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up straight. "Yeah! Why? Is that a problem!"

"That's a date. You're going on a date."

Ross screwed his face up in confusion. "What?"

"Come on, it's Saturday night. It's just you and her. Plus, it's Rachel. We both know you still have a huge crush on her."

Ross chocked out a laugh of false bravado. "What? As if...I don't...uh..."

Chandler placed a reassuring hand on Ross's shoulder. "It's okay pal. Everybody pretty much knows. Well, Rachel doesn't. Which is why tonight is a date!"

Ross shook his head and became agitated again. "Maybe I'd consider this a date if you weren't always flirting with her!"

"What?"

"Oh, come on. It is so obvious."

CHandler stepped back incredulously. "I am not flirting with her."

"Oh no? Then what's with all the 'Rachel, please help me break up with Janice, blah-blah-blah'!"

"First off, that impression; uncanny. Second, I am not flirting with Rachel. Third, she asked me!"

Ross stormed around his bedroom as he picked up articles of dirty clothes and threw them in his hamper. "You know, this is a girl that I really like, and you have to get all flirty around her with all your jokes. What happened to our pact? I thought I could count on you!"

Chandler shoved his hands in his pockets and shot Ross and incredulous look. "What happened to the pact? You want to know what happened to our pact? Adrienne Turner! That's what happened!"

"What? I didn't do anything with Adrienne Turner!"

"Oh please, you know how much I liked her."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

Chandler huffed as he threw his hands in the air out of frustration. "Really? I saw you two making out near the vending machines that night of the party when Monica and Rachel came to visit."

"What? You saw that!"

"Yeah!"

Ross sat down on his bed and looked over at Chandler. "Why, uh, why didn't you say anything?"

"Well, because you were my best friend, and I know you probably felt bad about it, so I decided to be the bigger man and let it go."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Chandler winced and then closed his eyes. "And, I may have made out with Rachel that night to get back at you."

Ross shot up and his nostrils flared. "What!"

"Hey! You had your tongue down Adrienne Turner's throat! What was I supposed to do?"

Ross took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair as he calmed himself. "Okay, fine. We both broke the pact back in college. We're even."

"Yeah. And, uh, I also kind of made out with Missy Goldberg."

"What!"

Chandler lifted his hands up in surrender and gave Ross a weak smile. "Hey! We don't need to talk about that, we should be talking about you and Rachel tonight."

Ross eyed him suspiciously, but then allowed his anger to subside as he adopted a giddy expression. "Oh don't you worry about that my friend. I am about to turn on the charm-o-Ross."

"You're going to flirt with her?"

"That's right my friend. She won't stand a change."

Chandler eyebrows went up and down in disbelief and then he shrugged his shoulder. "Well, good luck with that."

* * *

Ross helped Rachel carry her laundry into her room and she shared a smile with him before he deposited her basket on her bed. He walked out to give her some privacy and gently closed the door behind him. Rachel waited until she heard the click of the deadbolt and then fell backwards on her bed. She has not felt this good about herself in a very long time. She finally did something on her own, even if all her whites were now pink. She realized how having Ross there to help her really gave her the incentive to push herself out of her comfort zone. She wondered if it would be the same with Joey. She had felt like her attempts to get Monica and Chandler together were beginning to hit a wall. Every time she thought she had a window of opportunity, she was met with secret girlfriends, double dates, terrible intuition and impossibly horrendous timing. But like her laundry, maybe trying to do this all on her own is why it feels like she is failing. Perhaps, with a little help, she can actually accomplish the task she set out before her, even if maybe some of it comes out pink.

She played with her lips for a moment as she looked down. She reflected on how sweet Ross was tonight. How important it was for her to have someone there with her making her feel better as she felt on the verge of a meltdown over something as stupid as laundry. He made her feel like she belonged. And other than Monica, no one else has done that as well as he had tonight. Her smile quickly faded into a bemused look as she wondered why, when their laundry was on the spin cycle, Ross kept talking about how toilets don't actually flush the opposite way in the southern hemisphere. How it was a myth. It was an oddly off-putting and fairly disgusting anecdote.

* * *

Ross stepped out into Monica's living room just as she and Joey walked in the front door. He could hear her yelling at him and she said something about swearing off men forever before she stormed into her bedroom. He wanted to hear what they were saying, but he couldn't focus on that. All he could think about was that when he had a perfect opportunity to flirt with Rachel, and inexplicably, just after she kissed him, all he could talk about were toilet bowls.


	6. The Two Guys

**The Two Guys**

Three hours ago, Rachel could not understand why everybody was being so skeptical about Joey's play. When she listened to them make jokes and tease him all day before the performance, she couldn't help but feel bad for him. None of them had seen it yet. None of them even knew what it was about. The only clue they had was the cartoonish font used to display the title "Freud!" on the cover of the makeshift playbill that they were handed on their way to their seats. She hated how they appeared to discourage Joey right before his opening night. She did take a moment to privately acknowledged that there was a chance she felt more sympathetic towards him ever since she roped him into helping her with Monica and Chandler. She realized that it could be why she was acting like a protective mother all day; admonishing everyone before they left the apartment and shushing them when the play was about to start. She was so excited for her friend. The lead in a play in New York City. He was on his way to living out his dream.

That was three hours ago. That was before her brain turned into a tapioca pudding as a result of watching the inane idiocy that was presented on stage. The songs were bad. The music was. The singing was bad. The dancing was bad. The acting was bad. Even the lighting and the costumes were bad. At one point during the second act, a Chinese food delivery man showed up to drop off the director's dinner. It was, without a doubt, the worst thing she had ever seen. Halfway through the final act, she surmised that it was probably going to be the worst thing that she would ever see, in this life or the next. She was so despondent over how terrible it was, that when Ross leaned over to whisper to her that this was probably one of Joey's better plays, she almost fell out of her chair in shock.

When the play ended, Rachel took a moment to reflect on how, over these last two weeks, Ross has been around a lot. It seemed ever since the night the two of them had done their laundry together, he was a constant fixture in her life. It was becoming second nature for Rachel to expect him to be hanging around the apartment after she got off of work or have him over and sharing meals with her and Monica on the weekends. His presence in her home had become a welcome and calming sight. She was especially grateful to have him here tonight during this atrocious play. His jokes and funny observations throughout the performance made tonight almost bearable. Almost.

She decided that she liked having Ross around, and warmed to him very quickly. He would ask her how her day was or make her laugh. He would give her practical advice about her finances and tell her where to find some of the best deals in the city. She also appreciated that he was actually listening to her when she talked. She could sense his investment in their conversations. It was a rewarding surprise that she found a friend that she could feel comfortable with, who wasn't going to make her feel bad about who she was. He provided a sense of normalcy in her life when, at times, the world still felt upside-down.

As she looked over at Ross and smiled, she realized that she did not know why he had been coming over so much lately. She wondered perhaps if he was just seeking counsel from his sister about all the changes in his life. It was crazy to think that he was going to be a father. She could not imagine having a baby with an ex. The thought of being tied to someone you dated, or in his case, someone you were married to, for the rest of your life because of one, drunken night of passion after the relationship ended, made her dizzy. What if she were pregnant right now and that it was her and Barry going through this? She shuddered at the idea. Rachel made sure to make a mental note to herself; never have drunken sex with an ex without protection.

"Well, go over there. She's not with anyone."

Monica's forceful, yet nurturing tone shook Rachel from her introspective state. She looked around the now empty room where the play had been performed. The audience had no doubt run out of the building as fast as they could once the doors were finally opened.

"What's going on?"

Ross leaned over and let out a gentle chuckle. "There's this beautiful woman over there, and Chandler is trying to figure out the best way to strike out with her."

"Can you blame me? I mean, look at her." Chandler gestured at her in surrender. "Could she be any more out of my league."

Rachel looked over to where everyone's attention was. Ross was right. The woman was gorgeous. She was perfectly tanned and had a glow about her. She wore a provocative skirt that exposed her toned legs with a slit and her curly hair seemed to have a life of its own as it bounced around her face in just the right way to accentuate her cheekbones. Rachel already hated her.

"She looks like she came to the play all by herself." Rachel looked down at the playbill with disgust. "This play. That's a red flag. She is probably not all there."

Chandler glanced at Rachel and gave her a crooked smile. "That actually makes me feel a little better. She has a flaw. I can use that."

Phoebe gave Chandler a slight push. "Just go. You know how you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys? You could be one of those guys!"

"Really?"

Monica gave him one more shove towards the mystery woman across the room. "You can totally do that."

"Okay, here goes nothing."

Rachel shook her head as she watched him walk away. She then glanced over at Monica. seeing everything unfold just now hit Rachel hard, and it felt like the cold water of reality splashed her in the face. Monica encouraging Chandler to go hit on a beautiful woman was not a good sign. No woman, even if only slightly interested in a man, would send him into the arms of someone like that. It was obvious now, that even on a subconscious level, Monica simply does not view Chandler in a romantic way. Rachel wondered if everything she thought she saw between them must not have been real.

She felt as if the floor was moving underneath her feet and repositioned her to see things differently. Her vantage point on so many other things has shown her how wrong she has been about everything else. She was wrong about Barry. Wrong about getting married. Wrong about how easy it would be to live on her own. Wrong about Joey's stupid play. Maybe she was wrong about these two as well. She started to think that there was a chance she might have been projecting her own romantic naiveté on Monica and Chandler as a way to stall the work she still needs to do in order to transform herself from the girl she was to the woman she wanted to be. Rachel thought that perhaps it was time to put away these silly high school games and face the truth. Life isn't some movie where the unlikely lovers have a moment of clarity and live happily ever after. The spoiled rich girl doesn't become the independent success story overnight. The struggling actor never gets his big break. Marriage doesn't last. Best friends do not become lovers. They were not romantic figures of fiction, they were just people, trying to do what they can to survive. Rachel wondered if that was what she needed to do as well.

* * *

"I can't believe you are going to go through with this!" Monica kept looking at everyone else with a pair of incredulous eyes. She could not understand why no one was agreeing with her.

Joey raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Leave him alone. Let him have his cake and eat it too."

"She's the one having the cake. Chandler's only getting a small slice that's already been licked by two other guys."

Joey scoffed. "That's never stopped him from eating food at our place."

Chandler shot Joey an incensed look. "What?"

"Nothing. I don't lick the food at our place to get the taste of it and then put in back in the fridge when I'm trying to lose weight for a role."

Chandler shuddered and then snapped his fingers around his head, as if trying to will the memory of what Joey just said from his brain. He then turned to Monica.

"This is exactly what I want! No responsibility, no commitment, no nagging; just amazing sex. Sex that, by the way, she thinks I am pretty good at."

Monica sat back and folded her arms. "I couldn't do that. Just be with someone for the sex."

"Are you kidding me? Do you think I don't know anything about your dating history over the last three year?"

Ross held his stomach and made a face as if he were becoming ill. "Ugh. I don't know anything about my little sister's sex life. And I'd appreciate it if that continued to be the status quo."

Monica rolled her eyes. "Sure, fine. I've had some casual sex. But not like this. Not when I know it is only going to be just sex and nothing more. I couldn't keep being with someone if I didn't think there was a future."

Rachel watched as the conversation unfolded before her. She felt like a fool. These two could not be any less compatible even if they tried. Chandler was too superficial. His disdain for relationships and commitment put him at complete odds with Monica. She was ready to meet someone and date seriously. She was ready to fall in love. How could she have ever thought that she could trick Monica into liking Chandler for who he was, or even more unlikely, change Chandler enough that he started to resemble the kind of man Monica was looking for. They were just in two completely different places in their lives, and she knew that this would never work.

Rachel walked over to Joey, who was slumped back in his chair as he joined everyone else in listening to Monica and Chandler bicker about commitment, sex, love, monogamy and the future. She tapped him on the shoulder and leaned in so she could speak softly into his ear.

"Hey, that stuff I was saying the other day about Monica and Chandler. Forget it. I think I was just suffering from temporary insanity."

"Are you serious?"

Rachel nodded in response as her lips twisted up in a frown.

"Oh, thank God. You don't know how happy this makes me."

* * *

Rachel chuckled as it seemed Chandler finally broke Monica out of her pretense of being "cool" and "easy" when he brought up the condensation inching it's way to the surface of the table. The picture he painted was too vivid for Monica, and she practically leapt from her chair and looked as if she were about to choke him.

Ross laughed and then looked at Chandler as he gestured to get his attention.

"Remember when Monica spent a weekend trying to figure out the best way to organize her canned good."

Chandler nodded. "The fight between the name of the soup vs the main ingredient in the soup was legendary. Right up there with Ali-Frazier."

Monica mocked a laugh. "Ha, ha guys. I wasn't that bad."

Ross scoffed. "Not that bad? You called mom and asked her if she thought Beef Barley soup was more beef or more barley."

"Okay, quit it."

Chandler laughed. "Or how about the time she drove Treager crazy when she told him the twenty on her door was crooked. He must have moved that around for days until she finally just bought her own tools and did it herself."

Joey laughed. "Or how about when we changed the number on her door and it took her a week to figure out we did it!"

Chandler's eyes went wide as he gestured for Joey to stop talking. "She never figured that out Joe."

Monica shot up straight and charged over to Chandler. "What! You guys put that five on my door?"

Chandler leaned back and stuttered on his words. "Well, it wasn't so much as the two of us as it was the three of us, because Ross helped. And he's your brother. You should be angrier with him than me. You know, cause he's family. That's a betrayal you never recover from."

Joey nodded in agreement. "Of course Ross helped. Where do you think we got the five."

Ross shot Joey a stern look. "What do you mean by that?"

"We took it from Carol's door. And we grabbed the four from her neighbor across the hall."

Monica stomped her foot as she shook her head in disbelief. "Joey!"

Joey looked around the room nervously. "And Chandler."

Chandler started to stammer a bit as he gestured towards Ross. "And Ross. Always remember that. And Ross."

Monica slapped Chandler on the arm and huffed. "Wait. You guys put that four on your own door? Why would you do that?"

Joey nodded as he took a potato chip and popped it into his mouth. "Well, this way you wouldn't think it was us. We could blame a gang of vandals. That was Chandler's idea."

Chandler shot Joey a wide-eyed look of disbelief. "Thanks for that."

Monica's eyes lit up with indignation. "Wait! You knuckleheads actually had tools to fix our doors, and you had our original apartment numbers? You let me call Treager to replace them and made me buy my own tools."

Joey and Chandler looked at each other with panic in their eyes. Joey stood up and pointed at Ross. "He was there too."

"You guys are dead meat."

Rachel laughed and shook her head. This is one of those moments where she would have felt a spark between Monica and Chandler. Watching them as they playfully teased each other and displayed to everyone their rich history of friendship. But he's with Aurora and Monica is on the prowl for someone more mature. It's better this way. They'll be happier with the type of people they want.

* * *

Rachel stepped out of her bedroom, slightly annoyed by all the noise that woke her up. She looked across the room and saw Chandler and Monica standing there in their robes. She couldn't help but laugh. They may be the only two people under the age of thirty who actually put on robes in the morning. Hugh Hefner, Middle-aged parents, people on TV shows, and these two were the only ones keeping the robe industry alive.

She watched them for a few moments after she voiced her displeasure with the racket that Chandler was making. As much as she had moved on, and told herself that these little signs were meaningless, she still could not shake the image of the two of them together out of her head. They looked right, standing there next to each other. The two of them could be confused for a couple if he were not on his way back to his apartment to see another woman that he had just spent the night with.

She observed them standing in the kitchen in their robes, juggling breakfast food, talking about cleaning the cookware. They spoke to each other with the familiarity of an old married couple and they moved around the apartment with the vitality of a couple of newlyweds. Anyone who did not know them would assume they were together.

It was even on their faces. His eyes seemed bluer when they were talking to each other as if they were the only two in the room. Even as Monica fretted about ensuring that Chandler knew exactly how to clean her pan, they were smiling and focused on each other. Rachel pouted as she lamented the fact that they were nowhere close to being capable of seeing how good they could be together. How the timing for these two was tragically off, and as Chandler whisked away to be back in his own blissfully irresponsible world of sex and polygamy, Rachel wondered if their timing would ever sync up.

* * *

"Hey. I have Monica's pan."

Rachel looked over her shoulder from her seat at the kitchen table as Chandler walked into the apartment.

"I guess tonight isn't your night with Aurora?"

"Well, now, technically, no night is my night with Aurora. We broke up."

Rachel stood up as Chandler placed the pan on top of the oven. "Can you break-up with someone you aren't really dating?"

"Ha, ha. Very funny."

Rachel walked into the living room and stood in front of the mirror to check her hair. She heard the water in the shower turn off and smirked. "Monica will probably be out of the bathroom soon. If that pot isn't cleaned to her specifications, you should probably get out of here."

"I'm such an idiot."

"Did you not use a plastic brush?"

"No. The pans fine. I've been borrowing and cleaning Monica's stuff for a while now. I know the five steps to a clean pan."

"Five steps?"

"She may have made me a sheet when I first moved in."

Rachel nodded and laughed. "So then, why are you an idiot?"

"Aurora. I ended it, and I just waved goodbye to the best sex I've ever had."

Rachel screwed up her face in confusion. "You broke up with her?"

"Kind of, sort of; I don't know. I told her I needed more than what we were doing."

Rachel did not know why, and if pressed on it later, she could not explain her impulse, but she stepped over to the bathroom door and quietly opened. Leaving it slightly ajar.

"You broke up with Aurora?"

"I thought we established that."

Rachel glanced at the bathroom and then turned her attention back to Chandler. "I don't understand."

"Part of me wanted it to go on like it was forever. We were having fun, and she's so beautiful and interesting and it was everything I thought I wanted."

Rachel folded her arms. "And it wasn't?"

Chandler shook his head. "I ever tell you about the two guys?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. I guess there was just this other part of me that wanted it to be more than just sex. I wanted it to just be the two of us."

"Wait? Are you telling me that Chandler Bing wants to be in a relationship?"

Chandler sighed. "One guy does. He wants more." Chandler gets up from his chair and slowly walks over to the apartment door with a dejected look on his face.

Rachel offered him a sympathetic smile. "You're allowed to want more. That's why I'm here and not living on Long Island with Barry. I wanted more."

Chandler nodded as he opened the door to leave. "Well, I don't think the other guy thinks I deserve more." He flashed Rachel a crooked smile in an attempt to sell his last words as some kind of joke and closed the door behind him.

Rachel turned her head as she heard a creak from the floorboards behind her. Monica looked at her wide-eyed.

"Wow."

Rachel nodded. "Did you hear that?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't know he was thinking about things like that. I mean, he just broke up with that Janice girl. I just figured he was not ready to make a commitment. You know, it is almost like what he wants and what he needs are two different things."

Monica looked down at her feet and nodded. "I mean, it sounds that way."

"What do you think he meant by the two guys?"

Monica walked over to her bedroom and turned to look at Rachel. "I don't know. Maybe, he just means there are these two Chandlers. There's the one who makes stupid jokes and acts like he is a twelve-year-old and can annoy you to no end. He can drive you insane!"

"What about the other one?"

Monica looked off out the window and she let a smile temporarily stretch across her lips. "The other one has that cocky, sexy smile and can be charming and witty. He's smart, and kind, and you can tell he just wants to make you happy."

"Who?"

Monica shrugged. "What?"

"You said he wants to make you happy?"

Monica's brow wrinkled as she shook her head. "What? Oh, no. When I say you, I mean, uh, society. Not me."

Rachel looked down for a minute and then smiled. "But he does make you happy, right?"

Monica closed her eyes for a moment and smiled again. "He has his moments." She then turned around and walked into her bedroom.

Rachel's head spun around as she heard the front door to the apartment open up again as Joey briskly entered.

"Hey, you guys have any more of that moisturizer?"

"What?"

"You know, for my…" Joey gestured towards his backside and Rachel grunted as she rolled her eyes.

"I thought you got fired from that job?"

"I did. I just like how it made me look."

"Joey! I am not letting you into our bathroom so you can moisturize your butt."

"Fine!" Joey turned around and indignantly stomped towards the apartment door. "I'll buy my own moisturizer and do it in my own bathroom!"

Rachel shook her head. "That would be so much better for everyone involved."

Joey turned back to her and adopted a quieter tone. "Now, where did you get the stuff in the little bottle?"

Rachel groaned. "Bloomingdales."

Joey smiled as he flashed her a thumbs up. "Thanks!"

"Oh, and Joe?"

Joey poked his head through the crack of the door to look back at Rachel. "Yeah?"

"We're back on with the Monica and Chandler thing."

Joey's smile quickly twisted into a frown. "Oh crap. I thought you didn't want to do that anymore."

"Well, there's this one part of me that thinks it is crazy and that there's no way they want this."

"Yeah, and?"

"There's this other part of me that knows they need this."


	7. Blocked Out

**Blocked Out**

Chandler heard a click before everything went dark and panicked for a moment until the low dim of the emergency lights lit up the ATM vestibule. He spun around to see if he could open the doors. He shook them violently several times, trying to jerk them apart, but nothing he did worked. He was trapped. He silently cursed his own rotten luck; he knew he was going to be stuck in here for quite a while.

"Great, this is just…"

He turned around and noticed the gorgeous woman who was standing by the ATM machine and he stepped back with a look of shock and awe. He immediately recognized her face from the Victoria's Secret catalog that Joey always had out on the coffee table in their apartment. He called it _"Reading material for guests"_. Chandler looked up and gave a quiet thank you for his roommate's constant state of horniness.

"This is great!"

He turned away and pumped his fist in exuberance at the unlikely, yet welcome position he found himself in. Then he stopped and frowned as he turned away from her.

"_I'm going to screw this up, aren't I?"_

* * *

"Pants and a sweater! Who am I going to meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Can we talk about this later?"

Monica clicked the phone off in a huff and looked across the apartment to make eye contact with anyone who would instantly read her mood, but then realized, no one was looking back at her. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she felt like she was missing something in this moment that was usually so reliable and present for her. Some comforting presence that would have dispelled the aggravation her mother had caused her almost as quickly as it had arisen. Some soothing, familiar face she could rely on.

Rachel eventually turned her head to look at her from the couch as she recognized Monica's tone while she was on the phone. She gave her roommate a half-smile and a nod, letting her know she understood how frustrated she was. When they were younger, Rachel had seen Monica bristle often under her mother's criticism and advice. Now that Monica was older and more independent, it seemed that her mother was able to get her ire up much more frequently, especially when it came to her love life. Judy Geller was one of the reasons that Rachel did not think she could simply bring up the idea of Monica going out with Chandler to her directly. She knew that trying to tell her what to do, specifically what to do about men, would no doubt cause Monica to do the exact opposite.

Rachel looked around the room and smiled. Phoebe and Ross were already here and she had no doubt Joey and Chandler would be over soon enough. Everyone content to hunker down in the apartment for the duration of the blackout. The only problem was, except for the occasional instances of voyeurism to see what Ugly Naked Guy was doing across the street, there wasn't going to be a lot of entertainment this evening to help pass the time.

She noticed the glow of the candles flickering inside the apartment with the rays of moonlight breaking into the livingroom. It was a wonderfully picturesque image set against the darkened Manhattan skyline. Rachel glanced towards the balcony and smirked. This seemed to be the perfect setting for something impulsive and rash. It was perfect for romance. Rachel looked over Monica's outfit and let a twisted frown cross her lips.

"Your mom could be right. Maybe you should change."

Monica rolled her eyes as the door opened and Joey walked into the apartment holding the most ridiculously large menorah Rachel had ever seen. Everyone watched and tried to stifle a laugh as he carefully attempted to walked across the room and precariously balanced it on the entertainment center. The flames licked about as they seemed to threaten to snuff out on him with each step.

"And officiating tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani."

Rachel glanced at Ross as they shared a smile over his joke. She had no idea that he could be this funny. When she was younger, he was always a bit awkward and quiet. They rarely talked back then. Most of the time, when she would be at the Geller home, Ross would disappear to his bedroom. She wondered if he had always been this charming, and if she had missed out on what could have been a special friendship back then. She tilted her head as a ponderous look washed over her face and she wondered if she needed these past few years to grow into the kind of person who could be friends with Ross.

Joey looked at everyone snickering and scoffed as he mocked a laugh. "Well, Chandler's old roommate was Jewish…"

Suddenly, Rachel perked up as she nervously darted her eyes around the room, cutting Joey off mid-sentence.

"Joey? Where is Chandler? Wasn't he with you?"

Joey shrugged his shoulders. "Uh, I don't know. He's not home."

Monica shook her head. "Maybe he got stuck at work."

Rachel turned around quickly. "Monica, you should call him. We should make sure he's all right."

Monica's brow wrinkled in slight confusion. "All right. Calm down. I'll call him." She picked up the phone and stumbled a bit on the number as she was still slightly distracted by Rachel's sense of urgency. She waited a moment and then held her hand over the receiver and shook her head as the phone continued to ring. "I guess he's not in his office."

Rachel stood up and walked over to the kitchen. "We should try to figure out where he could be."

Ross narrowed his eyes and let out a defensive chuckle. "Uh, Rach. He's a grown man. I'm sure he is okay."

Phoebe waved her finger in the air. "I don't know if I would call him a grown man. How about life-sized. He is a life-sized man."

Ross and Joey shared an inquisitive look with each other and then both shook their heads at the same time. The two of them making a silent pact with each other that they would be more content not to dig deeper into what motivated Phoebe's comment.

Rachel blew some air out of her mouth as she became aggravated. Here was a perfect night to try and give a strong push to Monica and Chandler. With everyone stuck in the apartment during the blackout, she imagined goading them into some intimate conversation. Perhaps get Chandler to open up more about his desire to be with someone, which motivated his break-up with Aurora last week. She could open up a bottle of wine to try and loosen them up. Maybe encourage Monica and Chandler to step out on the balcony. Then she could have left them behind and let the aesthetics of the night sway them and watch them kiss there in the dark. And they would have her to thank for it. Yet, instead of orchestrating the perfect romantic evening for two of her friends, she was confronted by another roadblock in her way. If it wasn't Monica's terrible dates or Chandler's secret girlfriends, then it was the entire city of New York conspiring against her.

Suddenly, the phone rang loudly, startling Rachel out of her frustrated reverie. She jumped at the sound that broke the quiet in the room and brought her hand to her chest. Monica shot one more bewildered gaze at her roommate's odd behavior and then picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

She smiled and nodded as she looked over at the rest of the group.

"It's Chandler!"

In that moment, Rachel knew she was being given another sign that she was right. Monica's scowl, that seemed imprinted on her face after her conversation with her mother, washed away the moment she heard Chandler's voice on the phone. Rachel knew that he was the only explanation for why now, the look on her face was one filled with warmth and contentment.

"Are you okay? Chandler, I have no idea what you just said."

Rachel brought her fingers to her lips as she watched Monica's body language change from bliss to annoyance. Another sign as only someone you care for deeply could swing your mood so wildly.

"Fine." Monica put the receiver on her shoulder and then looked across the room. "Joey! He wants to talk to you."

Joey stepped across the room to get the phone from Monica, which afforded Rachel time to move closer. She leaned in to try and hear the other side of the call, but the volume was too low to pick anything up from where she stood.

Suddenly, Joey started to gesticulate excitedly. He put the phone down and pointed at it. "He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre!" Joey returned to his conversation with Chandler and mumbled something Rachel could not understand. She saw him smile and nod as he said "good luck" and hung up.

"Wow. Jill Goodacre. You know, I go to that bank all the time and I never see any models there."

Monica chuckled as she grabbed a bowl of chips and walked past him and out of the kitchen.

"You're at the bank all the time? Joey, you don't have any money."

"I know. I go there for the lollipops."

Ross turned his head to look at Joe. "I think those are for kids."

Joey shook his head. "What are you talking about? Kids don't have bank accounts."

Rachel grabbed Joey by the arm and dragged him towards the sink. "What are you doing? Did you just give Chandler advise on how to pick up that Goodacre girl?"

Joey leaned back to avoid the finger being waved in his face. "Come on Rach. It's Jill Goodacre. She's a supermodel. There has to be an exception for that. Look, it isn't like he has a shot anyway. Consider it practice for, you know, onica-may."

"Who?"

Joey gestured with his head towards the livingroom. "Onica-may!"

Rachel's eyes lit up and she spun around. "We have to go get him!"

Monica looked back at Rachel as her face screwed up in confusion. "Who? Chandler? We can't do that. How are we even going to get him out if there's no power?"

"I don't know, but, uh, Joey said he sounded worried on the phone." Rachel elbowed Joey in the ribs.

Monica looked at him suspiciously. "Really? Even with that Goodacre lady there?"

Joey looked back-and-forth between Rachel and Monica as he rubbed his side. "Uh, yeah, you know how Chandler is. He's, uh, scared of the dark."

Rachel walked over to the door and grabbed her coat off the hook. "Come on Mon. The bank is just around the corner. We can go together."

Monica looked out the window and hesitated. "I don't know. I don't want to walk around the city in a blackout."

"Joey will come."

"I will."

Rachel opened her eyes wide as she exaggeratingly nodded her head. "Yeah. You will."

"Why?"

"Because, uh, Chandler is your roommate. You have to look out for him."

Joey rolled his eyes and then walked over to Rachel. He leaned in as he grabbed his coat. "What are you doing?"

"No! Look, it'll be perfect. We take Monica to see Chandler and get her feeling all protective about him."

"What about Jill Goodacre."

"I don't know. You swoop in."

"I swoop?"

"Yes. You swoop in. You get the model."

"Ooo. I like that."

"Then we get Monica and Chandler together alone on the balcony where she can console him and they make out in a blackout."

"I don't wanna see that!"

Ross craned his neck to look at Rachel and Joey in the kitchen. "Wait? You guys are going to go out there?"

"Yes. And, uh, we need you stay here with Phoebe just in case he gets out before we get there and we miss him. This way someone is here to tell him what is going on."

Phoebe looked around the room. "What is going on?"

"We're going to get Chandler. Come on Monica."

Monica shook her head in defeat and walked over to grab her coat. "All right then. Let's go get Chandler."

* * *

When the three of them reached the street, Monica pulled her coat up around her as she waved her flashlight on the ground. Joey walked behind them as Rachel huddled up next to her and smiled.

"Isn't this exciting? It's like we are going on an adventure."

"What? We're walking down the block."

Rachel waved her off and looked out into the dark night. "You know. I don't think I have ever really had adventure or passion in my life before."

Monica wrinkled her brow. "Passion?"

"Yeah, you know, where you just have to have someone right then and there."

"What is so passionate about walking to the bank?"

Rachel shook her head. "No. Not this, I just mean, well, being impulsive. Not playing it safe. Letting the moment take you where it wants. Barry and I never had anything as exciting as this. We didn't have passion."

"Passion is kind of overrated."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't get me wrong. I love passion. I love those first few weeks of a relationship, where everything is new and exciting and you can't keep your hands off of each other."

Rachel nodded. "Mmm-hmm."

"But, that fades, and, if there isn't anything else, you never get past that part. Where you just enjoy being around that person all the time. Relationships need that kind of closeness just as much as they need passion."

"Maybe that's why Barry and I never worked. We didn't really have either of those things. I guess, maybe the person you're supposed to be with is someone you have built a strong foundation with. Someone who knows the worst things about you, but instead of making you feel bad about those things, they want to be with you anyway."

Monica smiled and nodded. "Yeah. And none of those bad or crazy things about yourself ever come out during those first few weeks. You need that connection on an emotional level for it to last. Although, really great sex doesn't hurt either."

* * *

Phoebe stepped out onto the balcony and looked over at Ross, who seemed to be pouting at the moon.

"Why are you all mopey?"

"What?"

"You look miserable. I haven't seem you this depressed since the night you found out Carol was a lesbian."

Ross put his hand on his stomach as if he were feeling ill. "This feels worse."

"What does?"

Ross turned to look at Phoebe. "Imagine you liked someone. You thought maybe you could be really special with them, but they are clearly obsessed about someone else. And even though that someone else promised not to act on anything, you feel like a jerk standing in the way because you hope maybe you can be the person they're obsessed about."

Phoebe looked at him with confused eyes. "Huh?"

Ross shook his head. "I like someone, but I think they like somebody else."

"Well, are they dating?"

"I don't think so, no."

"Then you have to put yourself out there or else this girl is going to put you in the friendzone."

"What?"

"Ross, after a while. If you don't tell a woman that you want to be more than friends, she eventually puts you in the friendzone and never sees you as a possible lover."

"Lover? What?"

"Like me and you. I mean, I don't think I'll ever find you desirable at all now that we've been friends for so long."

Ross stepped back and leaned against the balcony rail. "Really? I'm not desirable."

"Nope. Although, you do have a very sweet little heinie."

Ross allowed a bashful smile to spread across his lips.

"I mean, never say never. A girl's gotta eat, right?" Phoebe laughed and took a sip of her drink. "So, who is this girl you like?"

"Well, its…"

Phoebe cut him off as she looked over his head. "Oh! Look at that little cat!"

"What?" Ross turned to look, but before he could see anything, the cat jumped from the ledge onto his head and began to dig it's claws into his scalp causing Ross to thrash around the balcony as he tried to get the cat off of him.

"Oh no! Don't hurt him Ross. We should find out who he belongs too."

* * *

Monica paced ahead of Rachel as she stepped back to walk with Joey. She started to become nervous once the bank was in sight.

"Joey. What if he's in there making out with that model? Maybe we should get there first to make sure."

"Rach, you have nothing to worry about. Chandler is not going to go out with Jill Goodacre. I don't even think I can go out with her, and I go out with a lot of very beautiful women."

Monica stopped in her tracks when she got to the door to the ATM vestibule and raised her hand to her mouth in horror.

"Oh my god!"

Rachel shot Joey an icy stare. "No shot, huh. Thanks a lot Joey!" She briskly stepped to where Monica was and turned to look inside. Her eyes went wide when she looked through the window and saw Chandler choking on something. Rachel turned to look at Joey. "On no! He's choking. Joey, break down the door or something!"

"Break the door down? Rach, this is a bank."

Monica leaned forward and started to run her hands along the door. "We have to do something."

The three friends watched helplessly from outside as Chandler brought his hand up around his throat. His body seemed to be convulsing as he tried to take in air. Just then, Jill Goodacre came in view and began to administer the Heimlich Maneuver on him. She practically lifted him off the ground as she thrust her hands into his stomach until a giant, pink piece of gum shot out of his mouth and flew across the room.

Joey shook his head and then leaned down to whisper to Rachel. "I don't think you need to worry about anything. After that, nothing is going to happen between them in there now."

* * *

"Is asking for sugarless gum effeminate?"

Monica turned to look at Chandler. "What?"

"Never mind." Chandler turned around and leaned back against the railing of the balcony. "Thanks for coming to find me. You guys didn't have to do that."

"Oh, well that was…" Monica turned her head to gesture towards Rachel, but she had somehow quietly climbed back into the window and was already walking through the apartment.

Chandler took a sip from his glass and looked up at the moon. "I'm just glad the power came back on so I could get out of there before I impaled myself on one of those bank pens or something."

Monica chuckled and shook her head. "We did miss you here tonight."

"Really?"

"Sure. How could we enjoy a blackout when all six of us aren't together?"

Chandler laughed and then turned to look back inside the apartment. He gestured towards Phoebe who was sharing a passionate kiss with the owner of the cat she and Ross had found earlier in the evening.

"Did you know Phoebe could speak Italian?"

Monica shook her head. "I have a feeling there is a lot we don't know about Phoebe."

Chandler shuddered. "I don't think I want to pull on that thread."

Monica looked inside and sighed. "He is really handsome."

"Who? Antonio Banderas back there?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I guess I can see that, if you like a guy with a chiseled chest and bulging biceps."

"Mmm-hmmm"

Chandler shook his head. "Okay, down girl."

Monica laughed. "Are you jealous?"

"Of Phoebe? No, I'm not interested in dating Paolo. Although, if he offered to pay for dinner and a movie."

Monica flattened her lips and tried to suppress a smile. "No, I just think…well…look at that. Don't you want that with someone?"

"I was working on that before you guys showed up."

"Oh yeah, nothing gets a girl hot like someone choking on gum."

"I also did other stuff."

"Like what?"

"I tried to blow a bubble."

Monica leaned in and rubbed Chandler's arm sympathetically as she chuckled. The two of them stayed huddled close together as Monica slid one of her arms around his back.

"Maybe I should join a gym."

"What?"

"You know, work on my biceps and my chest muscles. Then I won't have to talk either. I'll just walk around with a cat and women will fall at my feet."

"Rachel and I were just talking about that tonight."

"My biceps?"

Monica shook her head. "No. About how you need more than that initial attraction. It's great to feel passionate about someone, but it doesn't last if there isn't anything else going on, you know?"

Chandler nodded. "I guess."

Monica leaned back to look at Chandler and then molded her body back into his. "Besides. You have a pinchable butt. That can take you almost as far as chest muscles can."

"Really?"

"Well, maybe for someone out there. Who doesn't like muscles."

"That sounds like a ringing endorsement."

Monica squeezed Chandler around the waist as a way to apologize for teasing him.

"So, you're saying I have a nice butt."

Monica lifted her head and shrugged her shoulders. "Eh."


	8. Straight Men Don't Wear Burgundy

**Straight Men Don't Wear Burgundy**

Monica hung up the phone and shook her head as she and Ross made eye contact. Ross glanced down at his shoes with a forlorn look on his face. He shook his head slowly as he turned his eyes up to look back at his sister.

"I can't believe it. I just talked to her last week. She didn't sound sick."

Joey put his hand on Ross's shoulder and let loose a sympathetic sigh. "Look man, sometimes these things just happen."

Monica walked across the apartment and wrapped her arm around her brother. "Let me just clean up and we can meet mom and dad at the hospital."

Rachel stood up and started to bring a few empty Chinese take-out containers into the kitchen. "Mon, you should go. I can take care of this mess."

Monica looked over at her with skeptical eyes. Apprehension at the prospect of leaving it up to Rachel to clean the apartment was riddled across her face.

"Monica. I promise to do it just like you do."

Monica put her hand on her hip and frowned as she looked over the mess of half-filled boxes stretched across the coffee table.

"Okay, maybe not exactly like you, but I'll do a good job. I promise. Plus I'll get these guys to help."

Rachel's promise elicited groans from Phoebe and Joey.

Monica reluctantly nodded in submission and then looked over at Ross. "Let me just grab a few things from my room and we can go."

Rachel was mildly taken aback at how quickly everyone's mood shifted. The lighthearted atmosphere that was in the room as they bantered about Chandler's perceived sexuality, was gone; like the air from a punctured balloon. Everyone now sharing concerned glances with each other as Monica left the room. She looked over at Ross for a moment. He appeared to be strongly affected by the news that his grandmother was in the hospital. Ross, who just a moment ago was enjoying watching Chandler squirm a bit while he was on the receiving end of some well-deserved teasing, now sat there with a worried brow and quivering lip. She couldn't help but feel a strong pang of sympathy for him as she watched his shoulders slump. Ever since Rachel had forced her way back into Monica's life, she had observed how sensitive Ross could be. He could get sent on a downward spiral over the smallest of things. She oftentimes thought it was because he had just gone through a divorce or the fact that he was about to become a father. Both weighed heavily on his mind. Lately though, she wondered if being a sad sack was just his normal state. That he always had some kind of dispirited grievance against the world that made it easier for him to succumb to bouts of depression.

Monica on the other hand looked to be holding it together much better than her brother, but she always seemed to need to be the one who held it together. Always making sure she was the shoulder that people could cry on and not have it the other way around. It was as if she couldn't feel comfortable being that vulnerable in front of anyone. Especially in front of her parents. She had to be the one who made the plans and pushed everyone forward, even in a time of crisis. Yet, Rachel knew, that she did have her moments where she faltered. Nights when she would come home after another terrible date, sitting up late and complaining how there was no man out there for her. Wallowing in self-pity in her most private moments.

Suddenly, Rachel's eyes lit up and she stared so intensely at the back of Chandler's head that she feared she might burn a hole through it.

"Chandler, can you bring me a few of those empty boxes."

Chandler's head jerked up in surprise when she called his name.

"Uh, sure."

He got up and collected a few of the take-out containers and strolled into the kitchen.

"Here you go. You want me to put the leftovers in something, or…"

"I think you should go to the hospital with Monica."

Chandler tilted his head back as his eye squinted in confusion. "What?"

"You should go with Monica tonight."

Chandler scoffed. "Oh no. I'm not good in social situations like that."

Rachel turned to look at him and rolled her eyes. "What kind of social situations are you good at?"

Chandler froze for a moment as he tried to think of a reply but settled on shrugging his shoulders, reluctantly agreeing with her instead.

"Why do I have to go? Why don't you go. You're the roommate."

"Because you're the best friend!"

"What? You're not her best friend?"

Rachel looked up and tried to stall as she stammered a bit. "Uh, well, no. See, I'm her oldest friend, but you are...never mind that. You owe her. Whose idea do you think it was to go get you last week during the black out? She was really worried about you."

Chandler looked over at her and then leaned back against the counter. "Really?"

"Yes. She cares about you Chandler. You should show her you care about her too."

"Oh, well, uh, I do. I mean, she knows that, right?" Chandler looked off wistfully at Monica's closed bedroom door and then back at Rachel. "Okay, I'll go. But I must warn you, this is probably going to make me a better person and that is not the man you became friends with."

Rachel chuckled. "Okay."

"Also, you owe me now. Next time Joey gets stuck on the toilet, you have to help him."

"What? How does he…"

"Sometimes he forgets to put the seat down before he sits."

Rachel shuddered at the mental image and walked over to the refrigerator to put some of the leftover Chinese food away.

Ross walked over and looked at Chandler and Rachel suspiciously. "What, uh, what are you two talking about?"

Chandler darted his eyes around the room nervously. "Uh, well…nothing really."

"Chandler's going to go with you and Monica."

Ross gasped a bit and smiled nervously. "What? I don't understand. Why would he come with us? This is kind of a family thing and…"

"I think Monica needs a friend there."

Ross blew out some air as he gave a solitary, nervous laugh. "Oh, well, in that case, shouldn't you come with us?"

"No. I can't. I, uh, hate hospitals."

Ross looked at her with skepticism in his eyes. "Isn't your dad a doctor?"

"Yes. And, I always hated the hospital…for...uh…taking him away from us all the time. It's very painful. I don't want to talk about it."

Ross allowed a bemused expression to fall upon his face as he looked at Rachel. Rachel put her hands on Chandler's back and pushed him towards the door.

"So it's settled. Chandler will go and offer you guys some moral support and you can send him on coffee runs if you have to."

Chandler looked at Rachel and flustered. "What?"

Rachel placed a reassuring hand on Chandler's chest, which caused Ross's eyebrow to arch up. "Chandler, you just go there and you be whatever they need you to be!"

Chandler shook his head and grabbed his coat. "All right. Fine."

Rachel smiled and clapped her hands together. "Okay, I'll go see what's keeping Monica."

As Rachel walked away, Ross turned to look at Chandler. "What the hell was that?"

"What?"

"The flirting!"

Chandler stepped back and gasped in shock. "You have to stop it with this. I was not flirting."

"It was totally flirting! You know this is a girl I really like and you have to swoop in."

"I'm not swooping."

"Yeah right."

Chandler ran his hands through his hair and let out an exasperated groan. "You want to see flirting? I'll show you flirting."

Chandler softly put his hands together, tilted his head, smiled and started to glide towards Ross.

Ross backed away and put his hand up. "You know, this might be why people think your gay."

Chandler stopped moving and his smiled flipped into a frown as he slipped into his coat.

"Hey. Wait a minute. That's not a bad idea."

"What?"

"Let Rachel keep thinking you're gay."

"What? Rachel doesn't think I'm gay."

Ross pointed at Chandler and his eyes widened like a madman. "But she used to. You just have to do whatever it is you did when you first met her. Then, she'll lose interest in you and that's where I come in."

"Ross. I am not going to pretend I am gay."

"Oh man. I wish she liked Joey instead of you. Joey would do it."

"No he wouldn't. Joey would just sleep with her."

Ross nodded. "Yeah, you're right about that. Oh man, I have to tell Joey not to sleep with her!" Ross gave Chandler a pat on his shoulders and then walked into the living room.

* * *

Rachel slipped into Monica's room and paused as she saw her sitting down on the edge of her bed. Monica looked up and quickly wiped under her eye as she forced a smile and stood up.

"Hey Rach. What's up."

"I, uh, just wanted to tell you that Chandler wanted to go with you two to the hospital."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He was very forceful about it."

"Forceful? Are you sure we're talking about the same Chandler?"

"Yes. He said he wanted to be there for you and that he could help get you anything you needed so that you could just focus all your attention on your grandma."

Monica slipped her finger down and awkwardly pulled on the inside of her shirt between two buttons. "That's sweet, but he doesn't have to do that."

"That's what Ross said, but he insisted. You know, he's a really good guy, isn't he?"

Monica smiled. "Yeah. You know, before you and Joey moved in, he was, well, he was kind of my rock. I was in this apartment all alone and he made sure to keep me company and it was really great to have a friend in those early days."

"Well, of course he did. That's the kind of guy Chandler is."

Monica nodded.

"Oh, Mon. You know what you could do, to make it up to him."

"What's that sweetie?"

"Flirt with him."

Monica's brow furrowed and she stepped back, throwing her arms down. "What?"

"Flirt. You know, just to make him feel better about the whole, uh, quality thing."

Monica narrowed her eyes. "Rachel. I am not going to flirt with Chandler. And I am definitely not going to flirt with him while I am at my Nana's deathbed!"

"Oh, you don't have to flirt with him tonight. Maybe over the weekend."

"Rach. Changes are that I will be at Nana's funeral this weekend."

"Yeah, so. Throw him a bone."

Monica shook her head and huffed.

* * *

Ross started to pull off his coat and shot his mother a worried look. "We came as soon as we could. How is she."

Ross and Monica's Aunt Lillian stepped forward and took Ross by the hand. "The doctor says it's a matter of hours."

Monica's head dropped into her shoulders and she looked at her mother. "How are you mom?"

"I'm fine. I'm glad you're here…what's with your hair?"

"What?"

"What's different?"

"Nothing."

"Maybe that's it."

Monica turned around as her eyes bulged just as Chandler caught up to them. "Don't worry, after I paid the fare it was really easy to figure out where you two ran off to. I just had to find the room that had the sick person in it. There aren't too many of those in here."

Monica reached out and placed her hand on his chest. "Oh, I'm so sorry. When the cab pulled up, all I could think about was getting up here as fast as I could. I totally forgot about paying."

Chandler nodded. "That's all right."

Judy Geller folded her arms and shot Chandler a steely glare. "What's he doing here?"

Ross looked over at Chandler and then back at his mother. "Uh, moral support?"

Jack Geller twisted his eyebrows and scowled. "Judy, I think I am going to go check on your mother again."

"I think I'll join you. It suddenly got a little too pungent in here." Judy Geller shot Chandler one more icy stare and followed her husband into her mother's hospital room.

Ross sat down next to his aunt and Monica turned to look away from Chandler.

"What was that all about?"

"What?" Monica continued to look around the room in an attempt to appear distracted from the conversation.

Chandler gestured with his thumb in the direction of the room Jack and Judy Geller disappeared into. "Your mom and dad. They treated me like I was the one who put your grandmother in there."

"Oh, well, uh, that might be because, they kind of don't like you."

"What? Why?"

Monica paced away from Chandler and shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that you're really sarcastic, or that you joke around all the time. Or that you don't take your shoes off before you put your feet on the furniture."

"Is this why they don't like me or why you don't like me?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I totally forgot about this and I guess I should have told you before we got here."

Chandler looked around and nodded. "That's all right. It'll be okay. When they come back out, I'll just be charming and they'll fall in love with me."

"Really? You think that'll work?"

Chandler smiled smugly. "Hey, I charmed you, didn't I? You didn't like me at first, but now we're friends."

"Well, sure, but I was kind of drunk the first night we hung out." Monica looked off to the side and caught her reflection in the glass of a picture hanging on the wall. "My hair doesn't look weird, does it?"

* * *

Chandler watched Monica and her Aunt enter the room where her grandmother was resting. He walked over to the chairs in the hallway and sat down next to Ross.

"Hey, you're parents like me, right?"

Ross shifted in his seat. "Of course they like you!"

Chandler nodded. "Monica just told me that they don't."

Ross nodded and tilted his head. "Yeah, they don't like you."

"Do you know why?"

Ross shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe it's because you're really sarcastic. Or maybe it's cause you uh-"

Chandler stood up and huffed loudly. "Well if people don't know they shouldn't just guess!"

* * *

Rachel shook her head in disbelief of how the events of the day unfolded, leaving her here with a drugged up Ross lying across her body. She felt like she was losing the ability to breathe under his weight. She looked down at him and tried to give him a gentle push in hopes that he would roll off of her, but it did not work. He was like a weighted blanket pushing down on her. She looked across the room and saw Monica talking to her mother, and although she couldn't hear what they were saying, it looked like Monica was smiling; so she knew the conversation could not be all that bad. She let her eyes scan the room and saw a crowd of older men huddled around Joey as they watched the end of the football game he had playing on his portable TV. She then noticed Chandler walking across the room and she allowed her eyes to follow him as he made his way over to Monica.

Judy Geller looked up at Chandler as he approached and arched a single, judgmental eyebrow at him.

"Oh. It's you again."

Chandler flustered a bit as he shook his head quickly from side-to-side. "What?"

Judy turned towards Monica. "I'm going to check on your brother dear." She then turned her icy glare back at Chandler. "It looks like someone must have slipped him something that knocked him out. Maybe there's a drug dealer in the house."

Judy Geller stormed away and Chandler stood there shell-shocked.

"The woman hates me."

"Join the club." Monica pat her hand on the bench, beckoning him to join her.

"I don't get it."

"Join the club."

"You said that already. How many glasses of wine have you had."

"Enough that I find you charming again."

"Charming to tipsy women. I guess that's just my quality."

Monica blurted out a laugh but then put her hand to her mouth to stifle herself. "What? Oh, don't take it so hard. It's not that big of a deal."

"It is to me. Do you realize that all three of you thought I was gay at first, but Joey and Ross didn't. You know what that means? Women think I'm gay when they first meet me. No wonder I can't get a date."

Monica put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle squeeze. "You get plenty of dates."

"No I don't. I've seen exactly one woman so far this year. Two if you count Janice, and no one should count Janice."

Monica laughed. "Stop it." She pulled back and let a smile spread across her lips. "Look at me. My mother can't help but get on my case about my dating habits. All she can do is tell me my hair looks bad and complain that I don't have a boyfriend."

"Well, if you want, I'll pretend to be your boyfriend. She hates me so much, that she won't have time to pick on you."

Monica laughed loudly. "Yeah right."

"What?"

"You made a joke. So I laughed."

"Yeah, a little too hard." Chandler shook his head. "What's the matter? I'm not boyfriend material or something?"

"No. You're Chandler." She punched him on the arm. "You know, Chandler."

"No, I mean, say you didn't know me; what would you say if I walked up to you and asked you on a date." Chandler affected his voice and sat up straight. "Hi, hey. How's it going."

"I'd probably be scared of the guy using a fake voice."

Chandler slumped back down and threw his hands up in defeat. "I can't believe this. First, I'm gay, and then finally, when girls figure out I'm not, they don't think I can be a good boyfriend. I'm doomed."

Monica rubbed his shoulder and shook her head. "Chandler, I…"

"What is it? My hair? Maybe I should do it up like that Paolo guy Phoebe is seeing. How do you get your hair to look all wet and stringy all the time? Gel?"

Monica smiled and then reached her hand up to play with his hair. "Don't do that. I like your hair. It's soft and fluffy."

"What? Fluffy? Like a bunny? That isn't helping."

Monica shook her head. "No, really. You have great hair. I could run my fingers through it all day."

Chandler looked across the room as Monica continued to massage her hands through his hair. "Maybe I should be more like Joey."

Monica frowned and groaned. "No. Do not be more like Joey. The world has enough Joeys. You're loyal and sweet and smart and you have integrity. Those are the qualities women look for in man."

"That means nothing to me."

Monica laughed and brought her hand down to his neck and began to play with his collar. "No, really; women are just used to guys being jerks, but you're so insecure. You don't have the confidence to be a jerk. That makes you a real find."

"Wow. Talking to you is like getting a warm hug."

Monica smirked and shook her head again. She reached her other arm up and leaned in as she interlocked her fingers behind his head. She turned him so that he was facing her and could look her in the eyes.

"Chandler honey, you really shouldn't worry about this stuff so much. You're going to be okay." She stopped and studied his face. "Plus, you have a really great smile, and when you aren't being sarcastic, your eyes can be warm and tender."

"Really?"

Monica nodded slowly at she let her eyes travel down from his eyes to his mouth. She bit her lower lip and took in a deep breath as she let her mind trace along the curve of his lips. Suddenly, she sat up and shook her head.

"You know what? Maybe I did have too much wine. I think I need to walk around for a minute. I'll be right back."

Monica stood up and looked around the room nervously before she turned and walked out. Chandler sat there with a puzzled look on his face as Phoebe plopped down next to him. Phoebe looked at him as he seemed distracted.

"What's with you?"

"I, uh, I don't know. The strangest thing just happened. I think maybe Monica was flirting with me."

Phoebe scoffed. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. She was just sort of staring at me and her eyes got really intense and I swear, I think I saw her lick her lips."

Phoebe shook her head. "That's not possible!"

"Ow!"

"I'm sorry it's just, Monica always thought you were charming in a sexless kind of way."

Chandler smiled sarcastically. "Oh, y'know I-I can't hear that enough."

"I'm sorry, I think that you just misunderstood her."

Chandler stood up defiantly. "I'm telling you, she was staring in my eyes and telling me what a great smile I have."

"Really? Let me see you smile."

Chandler looked around the room as he became self-conscious and tried to smile, but all he could produce was a strained, awkward grimace that sent Phoebe backwards in shock.

"That smile?"

"Well, I'm not really smiling right now, I'm too nervous, but you've seen my real smile. It's good."

"Eh."

* * *

Monica closed the bathroom door behind her, leaned up against the sink and turned on the faucet. She took some cold water and gently splashed at her face as she tried to take a deep breath. She looked up at the mirror and shook her head as she laughed.

"That wasn't anything. That was no food, three glasses of wine and Rachel getting in my head about trying to make Chandler feel better."

She turned off the water and put the seat cover to the toilet down so she could sit. She looked over at the wine glass she had carried into the bathroom with her and shook her head, almost scolding the drink with her eyes.

"That's all it was."


	9. Rooting for the Underdog

**Rooting for the Underdog**

Despite her misgivings about spending a holiday weekend with her family, Rachel was looking forward to this Thanksgiving. She knew it was inevitable that everyone would bring up the wedding. She would have to be prepared to endure her father's grousing, since he was still upset about the money he had spent, and wasted, on a reception that never took place. Her sisters would no doubt tease her about throwing away the lifestyle she had been so accustomed to for an existence of scratching out just enough money to make rent. She was also certain her mother would passively-aggressively lament the abrupt end to her relationship with Barry by tossing out some comment. Possibly musing that if Rachel had just gotten married, she might already be pregnant with the promise of making her a grandmother. It seemed that no matter what Rachel had already said to them to explain her actions, the specter of her decision not to go through with the wedding would hang over every shared meal, every cup of coffee, and every trip on the ski lift. She found it almost funny how it felt like a lifetime ago when she ran out on Barry, but for everyone else involved, it was as if it had just happened. It was almost enough to make her think about skipping Vail this year. Almost, but not quite.

Vail was always a magical place for Rachel, and it has left an indelible impression on her through the years. As a young girl, she was able to bond with her father on the slopes as he taught her how to ski. Her sisters, always more interested in looking good than actually skiing, had no problem leaving the two of them alone. They much preferred to saunter about the resort in their fashionable ski clothes looking for boys anyway. It was the only time growing up, where she could get her father's full and undivided attention. It was as if only the two of them were on the trip, and they were creating memories that they alone would be able to share.

She also had her first kiss at Vail, years ago, behind the concession stand near the bunny hill. He was an adorable blonde rich boy who traveled from California with the cutest smile and the bluest eyes. He bought her a hot chocolate and when she took a sip, some whip cream caught her on the corner of her mouth. He leaned in and kissed it away from her, telling her he wasn't sure what was sweeter; the cream or her lips. She swooned over that line for more than a year, until she returned to the ski resort, hoping to see him again. Still to this day, she would take a second look at any man with blonde hair and blue eyes while at Vail, wondering if they could possibly recognize each other after so many years.

This time around, the trip would be her reward for the months of change she has gone through on her path to becoming more independent. It would be a welcome escape from the reality of her life that now included serving coffee, washing dishes, making her bed, doing laundry and cleaning her own toilet. It would be a respite from worrying about money and paying bills that always seemed to be stamped "past due". The prospect of leaving behind the mundanity of her new life, if even only for a few days, injected her with renewed vigor. Just the thought of hitting the powder and letting everything melt away as she pushed herself, speeding down the slopes, was enough to convince her that it didn't matter what her parents or her sisters said. All that mattered was that she would be going to Vail, and regaining a piece of herself from her previous life that she so desperately wanted to hold onto.

She decided that nothing was going to stand in her way. Nothing, except for the small matter of paying for it herself. All she had to do was earn another one-hundred-dollars in tips over the next couple of days and she would have enough money for a ticket. Well, one-hundred and two after she broke that cup earlier. One-hundred (measly, little, used to be nothing but pocket change, but now was everything and a nearly insurmountable amount of money) dollars. Money. It was always, always, about money. She looked back at Chandler, who was still sitting on the couch. She leaned over and put her hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

"Hey, Chandler, you make good money, right?"

"Uh, I guess."

"Good. How about leaving a great big tip?"

"I haven't even ordered anything yet."

"Don't argue semantics."

"What?"

Monica laughed and then looked over at Chandler. She studied his face for a few moments and then bit her lower lip. She chewed on it as she appeared slightly apprehensive. She shook her head and rolled her eyes dismissively at her own nervousness. She felt foolish to be experiencing this odd sense of trepidation, and she dismissed it from her mind.

"You know, Chandler, why don't you come over on Thanksgiving anyway. It'll just be me, you, Ross and Phoebe. The four of us, like the old days."

Joey looked up and frowned. "The old days?"

"Yeah, before you and Rachel moved in."

Joey started to point around at everyone in the group. "You guys all hung out like this before."

"All the time. It was great."

Chandler started to wave his arms behind Joey's back, gesturing for Monica to stop.

"But, uh, aren't I the glue that holds this little group together? I thought all of us only started hanging out because of how much you guys all liked me."

Monica looked over at Chandler and brushed some hair from her face as she realized what he was trying to tell her. "Uh, yes Joe. That is what happened."

Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, and if you think about it, we never had coffee this much before you. So, because of you, we're all very well caffeinated."

Joey, bearing a satisfied smile, nodded and sat back.

Monica looked over at Chandler and breathed a sigh of relief. "Anyway, what do you say Chandler?"

"I don't know."

"I'll tell you what, since I already have to make mashed potatoes with lumps." She quickly glared over at Ross and then returned her eyes to Chandler. "I can make you a special, non-Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving dinner. No pilgrim food for you."

"Really? You mean it. Like, grilled cheese and Funyuns?"

Monica closed her eyes and took a moment to process his words. "Funyuns? For Thanksgiving?"

"It's the perfect side dish to any meal. Is it a potato chip? Is it an onion? Is it corn meal? No one knows."

Monica held her stomach and made a pained face as if she were going to be ill. "I can't believe I am going to say this, but fine."

"Okay, I'll drop some stuff off tomorrow if you want."

Monica waved him off. "No, I'll get it for you. I'm going to the store anyway."

"You sure?"

"Yes. If you're going to eat garbage, I might as well make sure I get you garbage that I can at least stomach cooking."

"You're not going to use fancy cheese are you."

"Well, I am not using spray cheese. How can you eat that stuff?"

"But, that's the best kind of cheese! This way, you can put a Funyun in your mouth, spray the cheese on your tongue, and you have a four-course meal, right in one bite."

Joey stood up and appeared to practically salivate at the image. "Oh man, now I'm getting hungry!"

Monica looked off to the side. "I think I am going to go throw up."

Chandler brought a finger up to his chin and looked up at the ceiling contemplatively. "Can I have tomato soup too? I should probably eat a vegetable."

Monica folded her arms and tried to suppress a smile. "You're impossible. Fine."

Chandler jumped up and giddily waved his hands in the air. "Okay then. I'll see you guys later."

Joey hopped up and followed Chandler out of the coffee shop. "Hey, do you know if we have any of that spray cheese back home?"

Monica settled back and laughed as she watched them leave. Rachel smirked, seeing an opening to probe at Monica, and sat down on the empty side of the couch.

"What was that all about?"

Monica looked back at Rachel. "What?"

"You're making Chandler a special meal?"

"Special meal? It's grilled cheese and tomato soup. It's about as special as boiling water." Rachel eyed her and Monica shook her head and huffed. "Look, I guess I just figure, if we are going to be home anyway, no sense in him sitting alone in his apartment. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"Why are you?"

Monica gasped as if she were insulted by Rachel's insinuation. "I'm not!"

Monica and Rachel stared at each other for a moment, almost as if they were taking part in a contest of wills. Waiting for the other to break. Ross looked at Rachel and Monica and allowed a dismayed smile to form on his lips.

"Well, as weird as this has been, I have to go."

Monica nodded as he stood up and left. Rachel poked Monica again as they watched Ross leave and then Monica turned sharply towards Rachel.

"What are you getting on about?"

Rachel playfully eyed Monica and let a sly smile spread across her lips. "Nothing. I'm just making observations."

"Well, why don't you go observe yourself making coffee or something."

* * *

Ross stepped out of Carol and Susan's apartment building and looked back at the lobby for a moment before making his was to the subway entrance at the corner of the block. He shook his head and sighed as a forlorn expression fell upon his face. He felt as if he were confronted with a sudden and startling reality; one he was not accustomed to. Yet, the writing had been on the wall all day. He had to accept the reality that no matter what he did, he was always coming in second place. He was being abandoned by all the women in his life.

He lost Carol to Susan, and now it appeared as if Susan was going to form a stronger bond with his unborn child than he could. Rachel was infatuated with Chandler, and any time Ross got her alone to try and ask her out, all she wanted to do was find out who Chandler was dating or if he liked anyone. He had to twist inside over these last few weeks as he watched this girl that he has been obsessed with for years fret about Chandler's clothes, his hair, or his smoking. It was almost as if Rachel was trying to turn Chandler into the type of guy a girl like her would date. Molding him into some kind of boyfriend material. Then, his mother cancelled Thanksgiving, choosing a weekend in Puerto Rico with friends over him. Finally, his own sister, who gave him a hard time about replicating his mother's mashed potatoes, has no problem making an entirely separate dinner for Chandler. With Ross it was steely eyes and a sharp tongue, but Chandler gets a special meal all for himself.

It made no sense. Ross had always been the one to come out on top. In school, with his parents, in his profession. First one to graduate, first one to be in a serious relationship, first one to get married. How did it all get turned upside down? He was simply at a loss. It didn't matter to Rachel that he was a successful scientist. It didn't matter to Monica that he was her brother. It didn't matter to his child that he was the father. It didn't matter to his mother that he was a medical marvel. What was the point of working so hard if none of it mattered?

Ross stepped through the turnstile and out onto the platform to wait for the next train. He was mindful to avoid leaning against the wall and stood very still as the stale air from the tunnel filled his nostrils. It made him chuckle to think that he was probably breathing in second-hand air. The elements themselves were turning their back on him. He looked down to see if the next train was in view and he pulled back from the edge of the platform and wrinkled his brow. Ever since he and Carol split, this was what his life has felt like. Standing uncomfortably, waiting for the next train to take him to the next stop. He never took charge to push himself towards his destiny. He never felt comfortable enough to vault everyone and force himself to the front of the line. To unapologetically take what he wanted. He knew that he couldn't live like that anymore. He nodded to himself as his resolve seemed to strengthen. He wasn't going to come in second place anymore. He was going to make sure that his child heard his voice just as much, if not more, than it heard Susan's. He was going to step up his efforts to win Rachel over and ask her out. He was going to make sure he got lumps in his mashed potatoes, and despite everyone's protest, if he wanted a nickname, then he was going to get a nickname. From now on, the Rossatron was coming in first.

With a renewed sense of purpose, Ross stepped forward, preparing himself for anything as he embarked on this new journey of discovery. Emboldened by his certainty he prepared himself to charge into the future, only to be startled back into reality as the hand of a stranger grabbed his arm and pulled him back sharply, tugging him away from the edge of the platform just as he was about to step off and fall onto the tracks.

"Buddy! Slow down, wait for the train to get here first."

* * *

Rachel jumped for joy and charged towards her bedroom with the envelope full of money. The excitement she felt now that she was finally able to go on her trip to Vail overtook her ability to express her gratitude to her friends. She squealed as she turned once more to face everybody and then hopped her way inside her room and closed the door behind her. Ross looked up at Monica, still confused as to what exactly just happened.

"I'll get you that twenty tomorrow Mon."

His sister nodded as she walked around the table and back to the kitchen counter to unload some groceries. "Sounds good."

Phoebe tilted her head and looked over at Chandler. "I want to say I'll do the same thing, but the way the moon is aligning this month means that money will be tight."

Chandler shot Phoebe an incredulous look, but then shook his head. "That's okay. At least you're pretending to want to pay me back. Joey doesn't even do that."

Ross looked up at Chandler and waved an accusatory finger at him. "Wait? You paid for Joey and Phoebe?"

"I just lent them some money."

Ross turned and pointed indignantly at Monica. "Wait, and you paid for me?"

Monica lifted her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders in confusion. "Yeah."

"So you're telling me that my best friend and my sister put all the money in for Rachel's trip. And I put in nothing. Now I look like some kind of freeloader who can pay twenty bucks!" Ross stood up fast and slid his chair back hard, drawing a stern look from Monica.

Phoebe gasped and gestured at Ross as if his words were an affront to her personally. "Hey! I had to borrow twenty bucks! I'm not some freeloader!"

Ross shook Phoebe off and then jabbed his thumb at both Monica and Chandler. "Nu-uh. No way. If anyone is giving the most money for Rachel's trip, it is going to be me." He finished off by gesturing towards himself and then pulling his checkbook out of his wallet. He opened it, pulled a pen from his coat, and began to write. "Okay, Chandler Bing: sixty dollars."

"Sixty?"

Ross tore the check out and shoved it into Chandler's hand. "Yes. How does that feel?"

"Ross you don't have to do that."

"Oh don't try to play your little games with me mister. I'm on to you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Just take my money."

Chandler smirked and feigned outrage. "Fine. If you want to give me sixty bucks so bad, then I'll let you. But you owe me."

Monica tilted her head and pursed her lips. "Actually Chandler, you now owe me twenty."

"I might have to call my banker and move some funds around." Chandler eyed Ross as he took out his wallet and slipped a twenty from the billfold. He handed it to Monica and then raised a concerned eyebrow at Ross.

Phoebe looked at everyone and her brow wrinkled in confusion. "Okay, wait. Who do I owe now?"

Monica gestured with her head at her brother. "Ross."

"Oh. Well, in that case, Ross. I really want to pay you back, but I am not sure when I can do that. You see, I'm in-between clients right now…"

"That's okay, as long as everybody knows, I gave the most. Nobody gave more than me! How's that for being number one!"

Chandler sat down, lifted the paper up from the table and opened it as he crossed his legs. "You know Ross, my rent is due next week. You want to pay that too and be number one in most rent paid this month?"

* * *

The stench from the burnt food started to dissipate, leaving everyone feeling a little bit better as they stared out the window at Ugly Naked Guy and Ugly Naked Gal. Chandler couldn't explain why, but he was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of belonging. Thanksgiving didn't seem so bad anymore. Granted, all of the pilgrim food had met an untimely demise, and would no longer threaten him with it's vomit-inducing powers, but his aversion to this day was about more than food. It was about fractured family and abandonment and probably a few more psychological scars that he wasn't ready to pick at just yet. Still, all of the memories and emotions he usually experiences on Thanksgiving seemed much further away in this moment than it was even just a few short hours ago. His mind wasn't dwelling on rotten luck or divorce. All he could think about was how happy he was to be here with his friends. He turned to look at Monica, and, in the most welcoming way, she was looking back at him. They smiled at each other, and it felt warm, life affirming, special. Here was this amazing person, and she was willing to go out of her way to make him feel at home. Something she had been doing ever since he moved across the hall. She was taking care of him in a way no one else had before. And she looked happy, and her hair seemed to bounce around her shoulders, and her blue eyes shined like diamonds, and her body looked amazing in that tight green top…

"_What the hell are you doing Bing?"_

They both turned away from each other at the same time. Monica was still smiling as she looked out across the street, but Chandler felt strange. He always thought Monica was hot, and he would be lying if he tried to say he hadn't checked her out from time to time, but this felt different. He wasn't glancing at her and admiring her form as she wore some clingy, black dress. He wasn't giving a quick nod when he saw how good her ass looked in a tight pair of jeans. He was staring at her in a way that he hadn't since another Thanksgiving many years ago.

He shook his head. It was just a lapse. That's what he had to tell himself. Just a moment of weakness brought on by everything that had happened today. The rollercoaster of emotions they had all gone through; dwelling on his parent's divorce, running up to the roof to see Underdog, getting locked out of the apartment as tempers started to flare, burnt food, people yelling at each other, a communal sense of despondence, and finally acceptance of their fate. He realized it was obvious why he had this moment of muddled focus. The entire gang had just gone through the six stages of grief in about an hour.

_"It was just a slip up. Monica isn't some girl you ogle. She's your friend."_

Everyone started to walk away from the large picture window, and they all seemed to be recharged with an appreciation of their current predicament. They had no Thanksgiving dinner, and none of them were with their families, but they had each other. That was enough. As Monica stepped away, he grabbed her by the arm and smiled as he looked down.

"Hey. Do you still have all that stuff you bought for me?"

"The garbage?"

Chandler nodded and rolled his eyes. "Yes. The garbage."

"Yeah, why?"

"I have an idea; how fast can you make about a dozen or so grilled cheese sandwiches?"

* * *

Chandler sat down after his impromptu toast. He surprised himself that he was able to sort of articulate what he was feeling without making too many jokes, even though as he sat down he already thought of three more. As he pushed his chair in, he stopped for a moment and he looked across the table at Monica. She smiled and nodded back at him, almost in approval of him, as she took a sip from her glass. She looked down at the bowl of Funyuns and frowned a bit, and suddenly, his face went white.

"Oh wait! I almost forgot."

He got up and jogged out of the apartment. Everyone looked at each other, confused as to where he ran off to. Before they could say anything, Chandler popped back in and sat down as he handed Monica a bag of chips.

"Hey, uh, I know we didn't ask you how you liked your potatoes, so I hope you prefer them chipped."

Monica looked down and smiled at the single serve bag of chips. She brought her hand to her mouth and then looked back across the table at Chandler.

"This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

Chandler tilted his head and mocked a sympathy with his eyes. "That's really sad. It's just a bag of Lays. You might need to meet more people."

Monica shook her head and mocked as if she were going to throw the bag of chips back at him, but instead, she opened it and took out a chip, crunching it triumphantly between her teeth.

Joey looked over at Chandler with a flash of concern on his face. "Uh, that wasn't our last bag of chips, right?"

* * *

Monica stood out on the balcony and stared out at the city as she wrapped her arms around herself. Rachel looked out at her, and then she glanced over at Chandler and smiled.

"Chandler, could you bring me Monica's coat. I think she forgot it before she went outside."

Chandler nodded and walked away. Rachel turned sharply towards Joey and grabbed his arm. "Tell Chandler to bring her coat out to her, and say something to make him, you know, think about her in a sexy way or something."

"What?"

"You know, say something guys usually say about girls when they don't think we're listening."

"You guys hear all that?"

"Nica rack, good ass. I think that was the first thing you said when I showed up."

Joey looked Rachel up and down and nodded as a salacious smile spread across his lips.

"Joey! Focus!"

"Right, right. Okay."

Rachel sat back down on the couch and leaned back, pretending to be looking out the window, as Chandler approached with Monica's coat.

Joey walked around the couch and stopped Chandler before he could enter the livingroom. "Hey, Chandler."

"Yeah."

"You know who probably doesn't have VD? Monica."

Rachel dropped her head into her hands and Chandler eyes narrowed as he tried to ascertain what Joey was talking about.

"You know, because she's so neat and clean, you figure she's probably clean down…"

"Joe!" Chandler cut him off as he gestured for him to stop talking.

Rachel shook her head and groaned. "Chan, why don't you go bring Monica her coat."

"Yeah." He looked back at Joey. "I'm worried about you Joe. Syphilis, if not treated properly, can cause insanity."

Chandler walked away as Joey snapped his head up, clearly not appreciating his joke. He stepped over to the window and slid it open, escaping out onto the balcony. Joey turned towards Rachel and smiled as he slowly nodded his head.

"What the hell was that? Are you telling me that was your best shot?"

"What? That would have worked on me."

"Oh, I really wish I had told Phoebe about this plan and not you."

* * *

Chandler gestured towards Monica as he extended his hand, offering her coat. "Hey."

"Thanks. It's getting cold out here."

She smiled and snatched it up, shimmying into it and wrapping it around her body. She leaned up against him and he rubbed her shoulder quickly, trying to warm her up.

"Well, it'll do that in November."

Monica mocked a laugh and shook her head. "What are you doing out here? Tell me you aren't thinking about smoking."

"I am always thinking about smoking. But no, I haven't had a cigarette in over a month."

Monica nodded, clearly impressed by his admission. She then gestured back into the apartment.

"That was nice what you said in there."

"Oh, it was nothing. I don't know. I guess I was just feeling...this is going to sound stupid. I guess this was kind of what I thought family gatherings are supposed to be like."

"Awww. Chandler Bing? Are you getting sentimental?"

"No. What? No. I just…this was nice."

"It was nice."

They stood in silence and Monica leaned her head up against him as they both took in the New York skyline. Hundreds of little lights on all the buildings, making it look as if the stars in the sky came down and spread themselves around Manhattan. The two of them seemed to simultaneously take a few deep breaths.

"You know. Its okay to be sentimental. That's not a bad thing."

"I know."

She looked up and picked at a piece of lint on his sleeve. "You're a good man Chandler Bing."

Chandler smiled and looked down at her, he brushed some of her hair away from her eyes, and was struck once more at how they shined the clearest shade of blue as starlight bathed her face. She held her breath for a moment and then allowed herself to smile back at him.

"You're a good woman, Monica Geller."


	10. No More Monkey Business

**No More Monkey Business**

"...that's 'pathet' which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'."

Ross scurried quickly into the livingroom, Marcel still perched nervously on his shoulder, and gingerly sat down on the couch. He had hoped his quick thinking saved him from an awkward confrontation with the others, but when he heard Monica clear her throat, he knew that, at the very least, his sister was not going to let it go quite so easily.

Chandler smirked as he looked over towards Monica and shared a knowing glance with her. "Yes, only children have roommates, but everyone knows living with a monkey is for grown-ups."

Ross huffed as Marcel jumped from his shoulder and onto the coffee table. The monkey hopped around from corner to corner, eyeing every object and magazine that decorated the surface of the table. Monica's eyes widened as Marcel began moving things around, slowly at first, lifting something gingerly up from the table with its tiny paws before putting it back down. She winced at the thought of him touching everything in her apartment; she had already convinced herself he was covered in filth and tried to calculate exactly how many hours it would take to clean up after him. Without warning, Marcel squealed and began to furiously flip everything over and onto the floor.

"Ross! Get it off the furniture! It's making a mess!"

Ross turned over his shoulder and shot his sister an aggrieved look. "It? He has a name Monica."

"Ross! Grab your monkey!" Monica rushed over to the livingroom and waved her arms as she attempted to shoo Marcel back onto Ross's lap. Ross gestured wildly at her as he tried to sit up.

Joey began to snicker and he looked up at Rachel and Chandler with child-like glee. "Did you hear that? Monica wants Ross to grab his monkey!"

Rachel quickly glanced at Chandler and he let out a quiet chuckle as he shook his head.

"Monica! Don't do that! You're going to scare him!"

Chandler leaned over and spoke quietly into Rachel's ear. "Rach, I'm not sure if you remember what it is like to be around these two when they start fighting like this."

Rachel shook her head and picked her hand up, gesturing at Chandler. "No. I remember."

"Ross! That beast is peeing on my coffee table!"

"I told you not to scare him!"

Chandler started to bounce nervously back-and-forth on the balls of his feet. He looked back at Rachel and gestured with his head towards the door.

"Monkey pee on the coffee table? We are going to get roped into cleaning this entire apartment. It's every man for himself!"

Chandler darted past the kitchen table as he made his way to the door. Rachel jogged after him, and the two of them slipped out of the apartment, closing the door behind them.

"Oh no! We forgot Joey and Phoebe!"

Rachel spun around and reached for the door to open it back up. Chandler gave her a light, playful slap on the wrist.

"Are you mad woman? We can't go back in there! Joey and Phoebe made their choice. We have to save ourselves."

Chandler grabbed Rachel by the hand and led her towards the stairs.

"Wait! Where are we going?"

Chandler stopped as they reached the landing and looked back at her as he calmly contemplated her question. "I don't know, uh, you want to go get a cup of coffee?"

Rachel let out an exasperated sigh as she folded her arms. "Central Perk! I just got out of there after working all day. I don't want to go back and spend my evening there too."

"I'll buy."

Rachel loosened up her tightly wound arms and nodded as she walked past Chandler. "Yeah, let's go to Central Perk."

* * *

As she waited for Chandler to bring her a cup of coffee, Rachel smiled at the thought of one of her friends serving her at The Perk. It was a strange feeling to be back on this end of a transaction here, even if he was only grabbing their order from the counter and not actually serving her as an employee. Still, it felt good to have someone bring her coffee for a change.

She took a moment to reflect on the woman she was before she made her way into this tight-knit group. She was not a kind customer. Never satisfied, constantly sending orders back, always finding a reason to passively-aggressively berate a waitress or a barista. Seldom even looking the server in the eye as she let her voice drip with condescension. Her "thank you" always wrapped in sarcasm. How did she let herself get so cold? When did she become so cruel?

She shifted nervously on her side of the couch. Thinking about who she was before she ran out of her wedding made her uncomfortable, and now that she worked in the service industry, she felt remorse and shame at the way she treated people. It motivated her, and even though Rachel recognized that her drive to make it on her own was fueled by the desire to prove everyone back home that they were wrong about her, she realized that what compelled her to try and bring Chandler and Monica together, was her need to repent for her past sins. If she could bring happiness to these two people, then maybe she would deserve some happiness of her own.

Rachel took a moment and gave Chandler a second glance. She did not find him particularly attractive, and she definitely did not think he was sexy. She studied his face and then let her eyes travel up and down his frame. She turned her head on an angle, wondering if maybe, from this new perspective, she might unearth some enticing physical attribute of his that she had not discovered before. Yet, there was nothing there. Not for Rachel. He simply was not her type.

Although, she could understand why someone else might fancy him. He did have some good qualities that even she had to acknowledge. He was at least six feet, which was just tall enough for most women. He had a nice head of hair that bounced as he spoke. It was almost hypnotic in its movements, and when he would run his hand through it, there would be the tiniest glint in his eye that could make a woman weak in the knees. His smile was wonderful, especially when it was sincere and not some self-deprecatory, half-smirk that he seemed to wear most of the time. And although she would never say it out loud to anyone, he looked pretty sharp in a sweater vest. Something about how he wore a clean, pressed, button-down shirt underneath, and how it accentuated his broad shoulders. It made him look mature and successful.

Yes, Rachel could see why some women would initially find Chandler attractive, but of course, that would normally be before he opened his mouth. Once that happened, the obnoxious, annoying Chandler superseded any desirable qualities he might have. He talked all the time, never able to leave a quiet moment alone. He would needlessly puncture the calm, meditative air with a joke or a terrible story that made everything feel thick and oppressive under the awkward weight of his words. Why he thought he was so clever was beyond Rachel. Constantly laughing at his own jokes, looking to the others to join him. Most of the time she didn't even understand why what he was saying was funny, and she would just laugh along with Monica and hope no one would notice the confused look on her face.

Yet, Rachel has seen the other side of him. He was smart, considerate, warm, and kind when he thought no one was paying attention. He was quick to lend a helping hand, and despite all his grumblings when she would call his name from across the hall, she could tell that he truly enjoyed spending time with Monica, even if it were just to help her do some chores around the apartment. There have been countless times in the last few months, when Rachel would come home from work to find him in the apartment, helping Monica fold a blanket, take out trash, or even hold her tools while she hung up a new picture or decoration.

Rachel pursed her lips and bobbed her head side-to-side. No, Chandler was not her type, but if he were a little older and had an accent, he'd practically be the living embodiment of Monica's dream man. The man she had been fantasizing about since the third grade. Her desire to meet someone from a strange land, fall madly in love, and spend the rest of their lives together. It was a story she had shared with Rachel often throughout the years. What Monica may not realize, is that she found that man, and Rachel can think of no one who has been born from a stranger land than Chandler. He was obviously not of this world.

Chandler walked over to the couch and looked down at Rachel, who seemed to be staring at him, almost in a trance. "What?"

"Huh?"

"Do I have something on my shirt?"

Chandler looked down to inspect his clothes and Rachel shook her head, as if she were casting off the stupor her thoughts had lulled her into. She looked down and winced at the scone he had brought over on a plate.

"I wasn't staring at you, I was, uh, staring at your scone. I really like those things."

"Oh, well, here. I can get another one." Chandler placed the pate in front of her, and Rachel eyed it apprehensively as she could already feel her mouth become dry.

"Oh no, I couldn't."

"Go ahead. I didn't really want it anyway."

Rachel lifted the scone up and slowly brought it to her mouth, she took the tiniest bite she could manage, and immediately regretted it as the scone crumbled into a dry, flavorless pile in her mouth. She gritted her teeth and forced a half-smile as a sign of approval. Once she choked it down, she took a napkin to her lips and tried to wipe the crumbs from her face.

"How do you think it is going up there?"

Chandler plopped down next to her and sighed. "I imagine Ross and Monica are yelling while she has her yellow gloves on. She probably took out a bottle of her heavy-duty disinfectant and I wouldn't be surprised if she had Phoebe with a mop and Joey with the vacuum."

Rachel laughed as she pushed the scone away from her. "Good thing we hightailed it out of there."

Chandler looked past her and over Rachel's shoulder as his lips curled into a sly smile. "Wow. Look at her. What a knockout!" He then looked down at Rachel and grimaced in embarrassment. "That's not the conversation I'm supposed to have with you."

Rachel scoffed and then looked over her shoulder. "Her?"

"Shh! She might hear you!"

"And?"

"And…I don't need you screwing this up for me by drawing attention to us. I can screw this up all on my own when I walk over there and try to talk to her."

"With Blondie over there?"

"What part of 'shh' do you not understand."

"Chandler, you're not going to go talk to her."

"Why can't you let me have this, even for a little while. Anyway, how do you know? What if she is the one for me, and now I'm going to lose my chance because of this." Chandler folded his arms tightly and then began to exaggeratedly scoff as he mimicked Rachel's mannerisms.

"I do not sound like that!"

"Uh, you kind of do."

Rachel shook her head and looked back at the attractive blonde sitting at the counter.

"That's….uh…that isn't how you meet the one."

"No?"

Rachel was lying. She believed in serendipitous romance and two people being perfectly matched for each other. She believed in locking eyes with a stranger across a crowded room and immediately feeling that connection that would lead to passion, romance, love, and forever. But those thoughts did not help her now. She didn't need Chandler to believe that, or even think it possible.

"No. You don't fall in love with a stranger that you have no deep connection to. You become their friend, build a foundation. Then you ask them out on a date. You don't hit on random women in a coffee shop."

"Really? I feel like that would take longer."

"Yeah, but when you find it, oh, it is so worth the wait."

"How did you and Barry meet?"

"Uh…in a coffee house, and you see how that one ended."

* * *

"Wait? What about Paolo?" Monica stopped decorating the tree and dropped her hands down to her sides, an incredulous look on her face.

Phoebe shook her head as she strung some garland around the tree. "I know. I know. But I really like David. I just need him to kiss me, you know, so I can compare."

Rachel laughed as she slipped a hook through a golden glass ornament. "I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet."

"I just can't believe you're seeing two different men! I can't even find one guy to go out with!"

Phoebe winced at Monica's confession and then flashed her a sheepish smile. "What am I supposed to do. Paolo is in Rome, and there's just something about David. I'm drawn to him."

Monica looked over as her brow wrinkled in confusion. "More than Paolo? But Paolo has those muscles and that broad chest and he can't speak English, so you can just rip his clothes off."

Ross cleared his throat and groaned. "Uh, maybe before you entertain all of us with your tales of ribaldry, you might want to remember your brother is in the room."

Monica flinched and shrugged her shoulder. "Sorry Ross."

Phoebe smoothed down her pants. "Look, we just have to have our first kiss, right? And if I feel something more than I did with Paolo when we had our first kiss, then I'll know."

Chandler shook his head. "Know what?"

Monica rolled her eyes and then shot Chandler an exasperated look. "Oh come on, we told you guys, everything is in that first kiss."

Rachel let her fingers dance on her chin. "Yes….everything."

Monica nodded. "Oh, but you also want it to be spontaneous. Nothing worse than a kiss with someone for the first time and having it feel forced."

"See, that's why, well, why I invited him to New Year's." Phoebe stepped back ducked her head down into her shoulders.

Ross jumped up and waved an accusatory finger at Phoebe. "What! You broke the pact!"

"Yeah, but just a little bit."

Ross quickly turned to Chandler. "She broke the pact! Are you going to let her get away with that?"

"Well…I kind of invited Janice."

Rachel and Monica both shouted "What!" in unison.

Ross's eyes went wide. "This was your pact!"

"I know, I snapped. It was too much pressure."

"Yeah, but Janice?"

"I didn't say it was a good decision. I said it was too much pressure."

Rachel grumbled and tossed her hands in the air. "You are unbelievable!"

Monica narrowed her eyes at Rachel. "Why are you so mad?"

"Because…he broke the pact. No other reason." Rachel turned around and began to mumble to herself. "Not like I had some grand plan for New Year's, or that I would tell you about it if I did."

* * *

"Wait! So now all of you have dates?" Ross looked around at everyone with shock in his eyes.

Rachel apprehensively raised her hand. "I don't."

"Yeah, but you will. Just give it time. Meanwhile, I'll be dateless and all of you will be frolicking around, kissing your dates at midnight!" Ross then gestured at Phoebe. "And she's going to have two dates."

"No I'm not. When I pick Paolo up at the airport, I am going to gently break it to him that I am with David now."

Monica twisted her lips up. "Really? The science guy?"

"Really, Fun Bobby?"

Monica shook her head in defeat. "Moving on."

Rachel slid down as everyone began to talk over each other. She touched Joey on the shoulder and leaned into him.

"You can't bring a date."

"Why not? Joey has to get lucky on New Year's Eve too you know."

"You can't bring a date because I need you to help me get rid of Janice and Fun Bobby so we can get Monica and Chandler to kiss at midnight."

"What? Are we still on this? It's been three months Rachel. I think you should give this up. It's over."

"What? It isn't over. You're over."

"What?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You take Janice out of the equation and I'll take Fun Bobby."

"No. I am not doing that. I'm not playing interference with Janice. Joey has standard."

Rachel squeezed Joey's side, causing him to yelp in pain.

"Owww!"

Everyone else stopped talking and turned quickly to look at Joey.

"Everything all right Joe?"

"Yeah, uh, I was just, practicing for the countdown."

"With Ow?"

"No. I didn't say Ow. I said Fower. Four. I'm trying a new accent for this part. Fowve, Fower, Threeoww, Twow,..uh...wow."

Chandler placed his hand on Joey's shoulder and flashed a look of concern. "You might want to try harder."

Monica laughed and then looked over at Phoebe. "I still can't believe you are going to go with David over Paolo."

"I know. I can't explain it. There's just something about him. He is this really smart and sweet guy, and I know Paolo has that smouldering passion and all those muscles, but David is what I want."

"Well, I guess you have to go with who makes you happy."

Phoebe looked up and brought her fingers to her chin. "Maybe I should sleep with Paolo one more time. You know, just to be sure."

"Phoebe!"

* * *

Monica hung up the phone and looked over at everyone. "Well, Phoebe is in jail."

"What?"

"Paolo missed his flight , so she never got to break up with him. She went to catch a cab ride home and some big woman tried to steal her taxi, so she punched her right in front of airport security."

Ross let his eyes widen in shock. "She got in a fight!"

"Seems like it. I guess with David going to Minsk and Paolo stuck in Rome, she took all her frustration out on that big lady."

Rachel slowly nodded and laughed quietly. "Wow. Phoebe is a bad ass."

Chandler raised his eyebrows quickly and then looked out at the other people blissfully partying in Monica's apartment. "Look at this."

Joey shrugged his shoulders. "Looked like this no date pact worked out after all."

"Yeah, how did Sandy end up with David's scientist buddy?"

"I know! First Paolo loses Phoebe to David, then I lose Sandy to Max? Those nerds are kicking Italy's butt!"

Rachel sneered out towards the livingroom. "Everybody looks so happy."

"Not everyone." Monica gestured with her head towards Fun Bobby. "Hey Bobby!"

Bobby looked back over his shoulder, waved, and then burst into tears.

Rachel shook her head. "Why did you invite him again?"

"I don't know. Chandler invited Janice."

Rachel took pause. "Were you...you weren't jealous, were you?"

Monica began to fluster her words. "What? No. I mean, sure, I wanted a date too. Why should I be the only one alone at New Year's."

Rachel nodded as she watched Chandler begin to bounce around nervously. She looked back at Monica who was looking at him. Over the din of the party, Dick Clark's voice could be heard.

_"20-19-18.."_

Rachel playfully nudged Monica. "Look at him."

"I know, pathetic."

"You should kiss him."

"What?"

"I mean, why not? It's New Year's, he is dying over there. You should put him out of his misery."

"Really?"

"Look, it's either him or Joey."

Monica grimaced and shook her head. "Ew, yeah."

_"...16-15-14..."_

Joey shared a knowing glance with Rachel and then leaned over into Chandler's shoulder. "You should just kiss Monica at midnight. You know she will do it."

Chandler flashed Joey a skeptical look. "Really? You don't think that would be weird?"

"No, friends kiss all the time."

"What is it with everyone and talking about friends hooking up."

"What?"

"Rachel was saying something to me about being friends first or something. I don't know."

_"...12-11-10..."_

"Monica, just do it. It'll be fine."

Monica nervously looked over at her brother. "What about Ross? I don't think he'd be too keen on it."

"Well, I'll kiss Ross."

"What?"

"Wait, then who will kiss Joey?"

"I'm just one woman Monica. Look, we don't have much time? There's about ten seconds left, just go over there."

_"...9..."_

Joey nudged Chandler, pushing him towards Monica. "Look, she is looking at you, I'm sure it won't be weird. I'll go kiss Rachel or something."

Chandler nervously looked around the room once more. "All right. I guess that makes sense."

_"...8..."_

Monica and Chandler suddenly found themselves standing inches apart. They locked eyes and nervously wet their lips as they shared a pair of apprehensive smiles.

_"...7..."_

Rachel stepped over and tapped Ross on the shoulder. "Hey, Ross, I'm going to kiss you at midnight."

"What?"

"Yeah, got to kiss someone at midnight and it is either me or your sister."

Ross twisted his face up as if he had just taken a bite from a lemon. "Eww. Who is kissing Monica?"

"Chandler."

Ross now doubled down on his disgusted grimace as he looked over at Chandler and Monica. "What? Gross"

_"...6..."_

Rachel put her arms around Ross's shoulders and shook her head playfully. "Who would you rather have kissing Monica, Chandler or Joey."

"Good point."

_"...5..."_

Rachel smirked as she watched Monica and Chandler step closer to each other. She could see the nervousness in their movements. They no longer looked like best friends, but two awkward teenagers, unsure of what they were doing and how they were feeling. She couldn't tell if they were darting their eyes around the room because they wanted to ensure they had a modicum of privacy, or if because they were uncomfortable. Still, she was sure this was the right thing to do. They had to kiss.

_"...4..."_

Ross smiled at Rachel and let loose with a nervous giggle. "Wow, our first kiss. Although I guess it doesn't really count."

Rachel smiled, her eyes still trained on Monica and Chandler. "What?"

"you know, it doesn't really count as a first kiss. I mean, we're only doing it because it is New Year's. It doesn't mean anything."

Rachel, still carefully watching over Ross's shoulder, nodded absentmindedly. "Right."

_"...3..."_

"Yeah, it isn't like it will be a real first kiss. You know, special or anything. It wouldn't be spontaneous or romantic. Right?"

Rachel looked up at Ross and her face went white. "Oh my god. You're right." She wondered how she could be so foolish. She was about to ruin everything by orchestrating this cold, awkward, embarrassing kiss. One they would never recover from. One that would ensure no romance could ever grow. Not like this, not in this apartment, in front of all the others. If anything, she might ruin what they already have.

_"...2..."_

Rachel quickly pushed Ross away from her. She watched as Monica and Chandler slowly brought their bodies closer. She stepped around the table, a look of determination in her eyes, and shoved Joey out of the way with her shoulder.

_"...1..."_

Rachel forcefully grabbed Monica by her arms and pushed her aside. She grabbed Chandler by the collar and pressed her lips hard against his. Kissing him with her eyes wide open. Chandler, taken by surprise, slipped backwards and tumbled a bit by the sudden charge from Rachel. He wrapped his arms around Rachel's waist, more in search of something to anchor him upright than out of passion. The two pulled apart and shared an awkward, uncomfortable gaze as they still appeared for all to see as if they were locked in a post-kiss embrace.

Ross looked at Monica and Joey with incredulous eyes. He started to wildly gesticulate, his mouth agape in awe, shock, horror and betrayal.

"What! The hell! Was that!"


	11. Bing Flings

**Bing Flings**

Rachel dragged Joey across the hall with furious and nervous energy. The two of them leaving everyone else back in apartment twenty in a state of shock as the first few minutes of the new year tick off the clock. Joey kept looking back, wondering if anyone was following them. A confused expression on his face as he tried to gather his thoughts. Once the door to Joey's apartment closed behind them, Rachel started to freak out.

"Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ohmygod!"

"What the hell was that?"

Rachel began to pace back and forth past the Barcaloungers and around the couch. She walked in circles that seemed to get smaller and smaller with each pass. She took her hands and ran them roughly through her hair, digging her fingers into her scalp. Her eyes went wide, and she began to gesticulate wildly.

"Everybody is going to think you want to sleep with Chandler."

"Nooooooo."

Joey tilted his head and raised an eyebrow as he waited for Rachel to say something other than "Oh my god" and "no". She stopped pacing and began to bite on her fingernails and Joey decided to open the refrigerator and take out a carton of milk. Rachel froze as she watched him grab a glass from the cabinet and pour himself a drink. She was beside herself in disbelief. How was he focused on such a mundane task when she felt as if her brain was about to jump out of her head and off the roof of the building.

Her body stiffened up as she angrily pointed at him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm all worked up! Joey needs milk!" Joey brought the drink to his lips and drained half the glass of its contents and then placed it back down on the counter. "Now. I repeat. What the hell was that?"

Rachel started to walk in circles again and brought her hands to her cheeks. "Oh my god! Ohmygod! OHMYGOD!"

"I thought we were supposed to get Monica to kiss Chandler, not you."

"I know. I just realized; we can't force them to kiss like that. It has to come naturally, or they won't feel it. If their first kiss was right there, in front of all of us, it would have ruined everything."

Joey waved his arm and gestured towards Rachel. "Let me get this straight. We're trying to get Monica to kiss Chandler. You kiss Chandler. Nobody kisses Joey. What kind of bizarro world are you making me live in here!"

Rachel waved her hand dismissively at Joey. "I didn't want to kiss him." She brought her hand to her lips. "Although, he is pretty good at it. His lips are kind of soft, but not too soft…."

"Uh, Rach?"

Rachel snapped straight up and dropped her hands. She smiled at Joey as her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment.

* * *

Ross grabbed Chandler by the arm and walked him hastily towards Rachel's bedroom. He pushed him inside and closed the door behind them.

What! The hell! Was that!"

His face seemed red with rage and he practically snorted steam through his nostrils. Suddenly, his features softened as he became aware of his surroundings. He started to look around the room and let a devilish smile spread across his lips.

"Wow. I'm in Rachel Green's bedroom."

Ross blushed as he brought his hand to his chest and longingly stared at Rachel's bed. He bathed the room with an adoring gaze until he met Chandler's befuddled eyes once again and immediately recalled why they were in there to begin with.

"What was that?"

Chandler stepped back and demonstratively shrugged his shoulder, gesturing his complete confusion with his hands "I don't know! Ask Rachel!"

"Why would you kiss Rachel!"

Chandler rolled his eyes and huffed. "I didn't kiss Rachel, she kissed me."

Ross, seemingly disarmed by that revelation, stepped back and looked down for a moment before stretching an accusatory finger in Chandler's direction. "Well. Why did you let her?"

"What was I supposed to do? Tackle her? I don't know what happened. I was supposed to kiss Monica."

Ross's nostrils began to flare up again as he stepped towards Chandler, practically on top of him as he continued to jab his finger into Chandler's chest. "What! You were going to kiss Monica?"

"Oh, uh, that's not the way to make you feel better about all of this."

"You were going to kiss my sister!"

"Yeah, but not like that. It was just for New Year's. It was for luck." Chandler gestured innocently with his hands as he offered up a wrinkled smile.

Ross turned around and faced the door as he ran his hand up through his hair. "I can't believe this. You were going to kiss my sister. You kissed the girl I like. Who do you want to kiss next? Should I call my mom to come over? Maybe my Aunt Marilyn?"

Chandler smirked and tilted his head. "Well that depends. How hot is this aunt?"

"Chandler!"

"Okay, too soon for jokes. Look, I'm sorry. If it is any consolation, it was a terrible kiss. Blech!" Chandler stuck his tongue out and twisted his face in mock disgust.

"Really?"

Chandler shook his head and looked down. "No. No. It was a really good kiss. But I'm sure it didn't mean anything. I bet Monica changed her mind and Rachel was just, doing me a favor."

"A favor is lending you five dollars or, uh, I don't know, picking up your dry cleaning. A favor is not Rachel sticking her tongue down your throat!"

"Well, I mean, there wasn't any tongue."

"That's not the point!" Ross angrily opened the bedroom door and grunted as he started to walk out of the room. "I have to get out of here. I don't know what I need. I need a walk or something."

"Wait, Ross. Come on. This isn't a big deal."

"Yeah, well it is to me."

* * *

Rachel helped Monica fill up some large bowls with microwaved popcorn as they prepared the apartment to host everyone for a special viewing of The Tonight Show. She looked at her watch and then back at the television with a glint of excitement in her eye. She could not believe that she never made the connection between Nora Bing, one of her favorite erotic novelists, with Chandler Bing, her erstwhile New Year's Eve kissing partner. She felt foolish. How many people could there possibly be with the last name Bing.

It had been a little over a week since she kissed Chandler, and for the most part, no one had mentioned it. She found it strange that this thing she had done, which she thought would be so difficult to explain away, had blown over. While there was some lingering tension between her and Chandler, and everyone else had been slightly more subdued for most of the week, no one confronted her or tried to find out what their kiss may have meant. Once the conversation turned to Chandler's mother, everyone fell back into old habits and the gang appeared to have moved on, more inclined to tease him about his mother's occupation than dwell on New Year's Eve. That suited Rachel just fine.

She stopped dumping popcorn into the bowls and watched Monica as she started to pull glasses out of the cabinet. Rachel let her shoulders slump as she sympathetically eyed her friend. If kissing Chandler was awkward and embarrassing, then tending to the needs of a strange man in a coma had to be downright mortifying.

"Mon, what are you doing?"

"Getting glasses. I could use some help."

Rachel folded her arms and shook her head. "Monica, you know what I mean."

Monica stepped down off the stool and sighed heavily. She stared down at the sink, almost afraid to look Rachel in the eye. "I don't know. He doesn't have anyone coming to the hospital to check on him. I'm all he's got!"

"Yeah, but don't you think this is a little pathetic?"

Monica turned around and started to emphatically flip each glass over as she placed them on the kitchen table. "No."

"Mon?"

"Okay, maybe. Oh my god Chandler is going to be merciless with this, isn't he? I'm never going to hear the end of it. He will be yelling 'woo-woo' at me for years."

Rachel nodded. "Probably. Although he has his own problems with his mom being on TV tonight."

"You think?"

"Oh yes honey. He will be much too distracted to tease you."

Monica blew out a breath of relief. "Thank god."

"Me on the other hand, I have nothing but time."

"You're one to talk."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Hello. New Years. You kissed Chandler."

Rachel closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. "I thought that we were done with that."

"What? We never even got to start with it."

Rachel charged into the livingroom and crashed down on the big comfy chair. "Monica! It's not a big deal. I didn't even want to do it."

"Then why did you?"

Rachel began to stutter. She had spent the week preparing for this conversation, and she had rehearsed several different, excellent explanations on why she kissed Chandler, but under the scrutiny of her best friend, she could not recall any of them. "I, uh, I was just trying to make Ross feel better."

"What?"

"Well, you see, he wasn't thrilled about the idea of his best friend and his sister kissing on New Year's, so, I took one for the team."

Monica looked down and laughed. "Oh wow. That bad, huh?"

"What? The kiss? No, it was not bad at all, he has these soft….uh…I mean, he was okay. Probably better than a guy in a coma."

Monica brought a bowl of popcorn over into the livingroom and placed it on the coffee table. "But Rach, you should see him. His jaw looks like it was chiseled out of marble. And he has such a kind face. You just know he is this successful, professional man who does volunteer work on the weekends."

Rachel stared suspiciously at her roommate. "Mon, don't you think maybe you're projecting a little?"

"What do you mean?"

"This guy, you don't know anything about him. It just sounds like you're constructing this dream man that doesn't exist."

"I know! Look, I just need this. Okay?"

"Why?"

Monica shook her head and plopped down on the couch. "Because every guy I've been with over the last few months has been terrible."

Rachel leaned forward and took Monica's hand in hers. "Mon. Do you think maybe you keep looking for the wrong type of guy."

"What do you mean."

"I just mean, ever since high school you had this perfect guy dreamed up in your head. He'd be tall, with dark hair, and maybe from another country, and he would like all the things you like and he'd be perfect in every way."

"What's wrong with having standards?"

"Nothing honey, it's just. What if you miss out on someone real, who could be really good for you, because you keep chasing a fantasy?"

Monica scoffed. "Who am I missing out on?"

Rachel let out a sigh and moved closer to Monica. She let her voice drop low as she took Monica by the hand and looked into her eyes. She wondered, if maybe the time to drop hints and skirt around the issue was over. It felt that perhaps, it was time to try a more direct approach.

"Okay. What if I tell you I think I know a guy that you just might like."

Monica sat up; her eyes widened with excitement. "Really? Who?"

"Okay. Now, don't overreact, but have you ever considered…"

Before Rachel could finish, the front door opened wildly as Joey and Chandler entered the apartment. The two of them were sqabbling and talking over each other, filling the room with noise. Rachel sighed as she looked up.

"…Chandler."

Monica wrinkled her brow. "What?"

Rachel stood up and smoothed out her shirt. "Nothing. I'll tell you later. I have to, uh, use the bathroom."

Rachel scurried across the room and disappeared into the bathroom. Monica followed her with her eyes, but then shook her head dismissively and made her way into the kitchen. Joey walked past her and sat down on the couch, taking handfuls of popcorn and stuffing them into his mouth. Chandler swung the refrigerator door open and took out a bottle of water. He looked up at Monica and flashed her a weak smile.

"Rachel had to run into the bathroom the minute I got here? I know I'm not a great kisser, but I didn't think the sight of me would make her sick."

Monica rolled her eyes and laughed. "You don't feel awkward about it?"

"Yeah, but that's normal for me. Feeling awkward is kind of my default setting. Anyway, it wasn't like we had a real kiss. It was just for New Year's. I'm more worried about Ross. He is really upset."

Monica furrowed her brow. "Why would Ross be upset?"

Chandler closed his eyes and silently admonished himself as a pained expression fell over his face. "Because, uh, well, he uh, he thinks…hmmmpf...uuhhhh...mmmm..."

Monica reached out and grabbed him roughly by his shoulders. "Oh my god. Does Ross still like Rachel?"

"Uh."

Monica leaned into him and flashed him a stern pair of eyes. "Chandler!"

"Okay yes. But don't tell anyone okay."

"Oh my god. It's been ten years of this with him and dealing with his crush on Rachel. Why doesn't he just do something about it."

Chandler shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. He wants to ask her out on his own terms, I guess. Plus, well, he thinks she likes me."

Monica narrowed her eyes and studied Chandler suspiciously. "Really? You?" She let out a laugh. "Why?"

"Okay, first, your tone, ow. Second, did you see us on New Year's?"

"Yeah, but I thought you said that wasn't a big deal."

"Well, apparently, it is to him."

Monica looked down and brought her fingers to her lips as she tried to think of something to say. Before she could gather her thoughts, the door opened, causing both Monica and Chandler to get pulled out of their conversation as they watched Phoebe and Paolo enter the apartment. Phoebe smiled as she kissed Paolo on the cheek and gestured for him to sit down in the livingroom. Paolo turned to Chandler, flashed him two thumbs up and smiled as his eyes opened wide with excitement.

"Nora Bing!"

Chandler mocked his own excitement by giving a thumbs up back to Paolo. "Oh okay, thank you, bye bye now." Chandler rolled his eyes and leaned into Monica as Paolo stepped out of the kitchen. "Great. He can't speak a word of English, but 'Nora Bing' he knows."

Monica placed her hand on his arm and let out a warm laugh. "I think it's great. You can get uncomfortable and embarrassed all over the globe now."

Phoebe stepped over towards Chandler and smirked. "Oh, I can fix this. Hey Chandler! Did Monica tell you about this great guy she met?"

"Oh, she met a guy?" Chandler nervously eyed Monica and then returned his attention to Phoebe.

"Yeah, he's tall, dark, handsome, and, well, unconscious, but you know, when he wakes up, woo, fireworks."

Chandler tried to hold back a chuckle as Monica glared at Phoebe. She then pointed out towards the livingroom. "Phoebe, you're still seeing Paolo? What about all the David stuff?"

"Well, I mean, sure, I love David, but he's in Minsk, and, well, you know, a girl's gotta eat."

* * *

Chandler rolled his glass between his hands as he waited patiently by the bar. He had left work early and thought he might need a drink to muster some courage before his mother showed up, and perhaps he would need three more before his friends arrived and the really uncomfortable festivities began. He thought it fitting they were meeting in a Mexican restaurant, since he was about to become a figurative pinata as they all took their turn taking swipes at him.

He looked around the front lobby and decided to people watch for a moment. He noticed an Asian man sitting alone eating a dish of fajitas while he read a book. There was an older couple in the back corner he could hear complain about a coupon they had not being valid anymore. Lastly, there was a family of four, the mother trying desperately to keep the children focused on their food while the father slowly sipped his beer.

He turned his attention to outside and saw a woman pacing on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. She was slender, athletic and wore a striking red top that only helped to make her seem even more irresistible. She held her coat in her arms and was turned away to face the street. He head was obscured by the large, opaque lettering that spelled out "Don Julio's", but he did not mind as he let his eyes wander south so he could admire her backside. He assumed, with his luck, that she was waiting for her date. Then, she would no doubt be seated at a table next to him so he could be reminded that he could never get a woman who looked like that.

She turned sharply and walked to the entrance, and when she opened the door, his mouth opened in surprise as Monica stepped into the front lobby. She looked around and smiled when she noticed him. He waved her over nervously and then turned to order her a drink.

"Hey. You're early. What are we drinking?"

"Tequila. I figure, when in Rome…."

"Sure."

Chandler tried to regain his composure, still knocked off balance from ogling his best friend's posterior. "You were outside for a while. When did you get here?"

"Not that long ago. I was in the area."

Chandler smirked as he looked out the window towards the street. "Were you visiting your coma guy?"

Monica became flustered as she started to protest emphatically. "No!" Her shoulders slumped as an embarrassed look fell upon her face. "Okay, yes."

"Mon. What are you doing?"

"I don't know. I feel responsible."

"Well, you did go 'woo-woo'. Phoebe said you knitted him a sweater."

Monica shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the glass the bartender brought over. "He looked cold. I know. I know. I'm pathetic."

"You? I was just checking you out and imaging you were some hot girl I was going to pine over all night."

"What?"

Chandler, suddenly aware of how candid he had been, cursed the strong tequila as he started to fluster. "Uh, um, no. What I meant was…."

Monica pointed her finger out towards the window. "Were you checking me out?"

"Look. In my defense, I couldn't see your face, and you're really hot."

Monica laughed and shook her head as she took a sip of her drink. Chandler smiled uncomfortably, but then slicked back a piece of his hair as he leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"And I'm cute too."

Monica laughed loudly and smiled. "And you're cute too."

The two of them began to huddle closer as they chuckled, but before either one could say something, Chandler's shoulders shot up as he heard a familiar voice call out.

"Hello darling."

He rested his head against Monica's and closed his eyes. "Oh great. Now the fun can really start."

Nora Bing walked over to the bar and smiled as she reached out for a hug from her son. "Oh is that anyway to greet your mother?"

Chandler smiled and squeezed his mother tightly and then looked over at Monica. "No, but, Monica has a great idea for your next book. It's called Coma-love."

Nora strained a smile, wanting to understand her son's joke. "What?"

Monica stomped her foot as she lifted her glass from the bar. "Chandler!"

Chandler flashed her a roguish smile and took her coat. He then reached his hand out for his mother to hand him her jacket. "I'll go check our coats. You two can talk all about it while you get us a table."

Nora shook her head as she and Monica walked towards the host. "Hello, I should have a table. Bing, party of seven." She turned to look back at Monica. "What is this about a coma?"

Monica quickly turned her head towards where Chandler disappeared to with the coats and seethed. "I'm going to kill your son." She turned back sheepishly to Nora. "The other day I saw this really handsome guy in the street, and Phoebe convinced me to say something, and I just kind of made a noise and now he's in a coma."

"Oh dear. I couldn't write that. No one would believe it."

Monica rolled her eyes. "With the way my dating life has been going, a guy in a coma is actually a step up."

The two of them followed the host as she led them to a table in the back of the restaurant. Nora watched Monica as she sat and flattened her lips.

"Dear. Why do this to yourself? You are such a beautiful young woman. So vibrant. You could get any man you want."

"Yeah, well, tell that to the all the men in the Tri-State area."

"What about the boys. That Joey sure is handsome."

Monica shuddered and shook her head. "Oh, pass."

"Ross?"

"Eww!"

"Oh right, I'm sorry, he's your brother."

Nora looked past Monica and noticed her son walking through the lobby towards their table.

"My son is handsome."

"What?" Monica turned to look at Chandler and then back at Nora. Her cheeks went red as she became flustered. "Well, yeah, he's sexy in a way, wait, I mean, no. Not Chandler." She looked down at her glass. "How strong is this tequila?"

Nora offered her a sympathetic smile and a shrug of her shoulders.

"No. Look, The guys are great. But they're friends. There's rules to this kind of stuff."

"Not in my books." Nora chuckled at her own joke as she reached across and touched Monica's hand. "Dear, take it from me, I've been married three times, divorced three times. Being with someone who is a friend might not be so bad. You want to like the person you end up with."

* * *

Monica walked out into the front of the restaurant looking for Chandler, who had been gone from their table for almost twenty minutes. She stopped when she saw him leaning up against the bar. He had a sullen look on his face as he took a sip of a colorful drink garnished with fruit and a tiny umbrella. He turned his attention to the television behind the bar which incensed her. Here they all were, entertaining his mother, and he ran to hide and watch TV. Monica was prepared to admonish him for abandoning everyone, but upon seeing him standing there, she took a moment and studied him.

He looked good.

She felt a rush of heat rise through her chest and into her cheeks. She wondered if it was because of how still and serious he looked. He was not trying to puncture the silence with a joke, and his features were not being obscured by his behavior. As she caught a glimpse of the blue in his eyes, she thought that it could just be the tequila or how he had always looked good in a sports coat. Yet, no matter how hard she tried to rationalize her moment of infatuation with his physical appearance, she could not help but agree with Nora. The answer was simple. He was handsome.

She began to worry that her becoming so aware of just how attractive he was might cause some complication between them. She decided to shake it off and focus on why he looked so gloomy, and not on why he looked so sexy.

"What's wrong slugger?"

Chandler raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Slugger?"

"I'm trying it out. What are you doing out here all alone?"

"Well, this is normally the part of the night where my mom tells everyone about the time she used a cucumber to show me how to put on a condom."

Monica tried to suppress a smile. "Well, I think it's good that your mom wanted to teach you about sex. My parents never did that for me."

"I was six!"

"Oh."

"And it was a really huge cucumber. That's a lot of pressure to put on a kid! No one could live up to that!"

Monica couldn't help but cover her mouth and laugh.

Chandler eyed her sternly. "I'm glad someone is enjoying my pain."

"Oh, I'm sorry. But you have to admit, it is kind of funny." Monica reached down and grabbed his hand, she squeezed it in between both of hers and then shook her head in a way that made her hair bounce about her shoulders. "Come back to the table. I promise, I'll protect you."

"Great. Why not destroy every last shred of my masculinity all in one night?"

Monica pointed at the paper umbrella in Chandler's cocktail. "Have you seen your drink?"

"But it's yummy."

"Chandler. You can't hide here all night."

"Fine. I'm coming. I just have to go to the bathroom first."

"Monica nodded. "I'll go with you."

"Mon, I don't know what you are expecting, but I told you that cucumber was impossible to live up to."

Monica raised her eyebrows and let her eyes drop down to Chandler's belt as she smirked. "Well, how big was the cucumber?"

"What?"

"I'm kidding. I have to go to."

* * *

Nora Bing stepped out of the lady's bathroom and saw Ross leaning against the phonebank with a forlorn expression on his face. He looked like a wounded dog or a child who had been punished for something someone else had done.

"Ross. What are you doing out here?"

Ross, barely able to look up, mumbled to himself before replying. "Nothing."

"Oh my dear boy, you have it so bad don't you."

Ross snapped his head up with a puzzled look on his face. "What?"

"This is about that Rachel girl."

"How did you know?"

"They way you were looking at her all night, how do people not know."

"That obvious, huh."

"Why don't you ask her out? I'll never understand you kids who waste so much time wallowing in this illusion of unrequited love. Do you all just want to be miserable? I blame that grunge music you kids listen to for killing romance."

Ross whined and moaned as he threw his hands down. "She likes Chandler."

"What?"

"They're all over each other."

Nora stepped closer and placed her hand on Ross's arm. "Are you sitting at the same table as I am? They barely look at each other. Chandler and Monica stare at each other more than he and Rachel…oh…wait..." Nora looked down as her eyes began to dart around the floor. "It's so obvious."

Ross, lost in his own misery, let out another whimper as he seemed oblivious to Nora's epiphany. "Well, she doesn't look at me."

Nora shook her head and leaned into Ross as she lifted his chin with her hand. "Ross. Sometimes, attraction isn't like that. Look at Phoebe and Paolo. That won't ever last. Paolo isn't the kind of guy you have a deep, meaningful relationship with. He's an exciting distraction."

"I want to be an exciting distraction. How come no one ever looks at me like I'm a Paolo? I could be a Paolo!"

"You don't want to be a Paolo. You want to be a Ross. Ross wins out in the end."

Ross looked up at Nora and met her concerned eyes with his own, skeptical glare. "Please."

"No, really. You're smart, sexy."

"Right."

"Yes you are. And the fact that you don't think you are makes you even sexier. Ahh, kiddo, you're going to be fine. Believe me."

Nora leaned in and placed a tender kiss on Ross's cheek. She let her lips linger there as their eyes met again. Both overcome by the moment, the dim lights, and the tequila, crashed their lips together and shared a deep, passionate kiss. Nora began to run her hands up through Ross's hair, they pulled back from each other for a moment, and before they could continue their ill-advised affair, a familiar voice bellowed throughout the small area outside the bathrooms.

"What! The hell!"

Ross and Nora turned and saw Chandler and Monica, hand-in-hand, staring at them, stunned and shocked by what they were witnessing. As if brought to their senses by his shouting, both Nora and Ross separated quickly and their faces turned red with embarrassment.

"Chandler dear, I can explain."

Chandler fumed as he pointed a shaky finger in Ross's direction, unable to put a voice to his sense of betrayal. "You, you...you." He looked down at Monica and then back at Ross. "You mother kisser!"

Chandler spun around and stormed down the tiny hallway. Monica looked back and shook her head, scolding Ross and Nora with her eyes.

"Ross how could you! And you, young lady, uh I mean, old lady…uh…lady! You know what you did!" Monica, unsure of exactly what she was saying, turned around and charged after Chandler.

"Chandler! Wait!" Ross stepped forward to go after them but stopped when he felt Nora's hand grab him arm.

"Wait. He is not going to want to talk to either one of us now. We've all had too much to drink. Let Monica handle this."

"What?"

"Something tells me she is exactly what he needs right now."

Ross looked back at Nora, his brain swimming in drunken confusion. He stumbled back and felt disoriented as he leaned up against the wall.

"I drank too much tequila. I think I am going to be sick."

* * *

"Chandler! Wait up!'

Chandler shot out of the restaurant and onto the street, He spun around trying to figure out where he was going to go.

"Mon, I really think I need to be alone right now."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'm not going to go throw myself off the Brooklyn Bridge. I just need to walk home and clear my head. I just need to be alone for a little while." Chandler took brisk strides as he began walking down the sidewalk, trying to put as much distance between him and Don Julio's as he could.

Monica wrapped her arms around herself as she followed him. "No you don't!"

"Yes, I do!"

Monica reached out and grabbed his hand, stopping him in his tracks and forcing him to turn around. "Well, I can't be alone. I'm very drunk, cold, and I'm a tiny little woman walking around Manhattan at night."

Chandler looked down at her, she was shivering without her coat and staring up at him. He could see how important it was for her to stay with him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He took off his sports coat and wrapped it around her, rubbing her arms to warm her back up.

"Fine. I'll walk you home. But I don't want to talk about it."

Monica forced out a laugh and feigned ignorance. "Talk about what?"

Chandler shook his head and despite himself let loose with a chuckle. He wrapped his arm around her, and she pulled herself close to his body for warmth as they began to walk home, leaving the restaurant behind.

* * *

After walking in silence for what felt like a lifetime to her, Monica could not hold her tongue any longer.

"You have to talk to them."

"No. I don't."

"Chandler. She's your mom. He's one of your oldest friends. You can't avoid them forever."

"Sure I can. I could move to Yemen. No chance running into either one of them there."

Monica squeezed his fingers in hers and put her head on his arm. "You're going to have to let them explain."

"Explain what? You know, out of everyone, Ross knows what I go through with my mom. I can't believe he'd do that."

"I know. Maybe, he was just drunk. And he's really upset and under a lot of stress. The divorce, Carol's pregnancy, Rachel. He wasn't thinking straight."

Chandler stopped walking, took his arm from around Monica, and began to gesticulate wildly. "I'm drunk. I'm under a lot of stress from seeing my mom kiss my best friend. You don't see me trying to kiss…uh…kiss…"

Chandler started to gesture towards Monica but quickly dropped his hands when he realized what he was doing. He stared down at Monica. Their eyes locked, and for a moment, everything around them went quiet. There were no more cars, no more building, no more passersby. It felt as if they were the only two people there in the entire city. Both of them begin to stare at each other's lips.

Sensing tension rising between them, Chandler looked down. Monica furrowed her brow and tried to find the perfect pin to pop this hot bubble of discomfort between them.

"I'm not your best friend?"

Chandler, looked up at her, surprised by how insulted she sounded. "What?"

"You said Ross was your best friend."

"What? I? But…." Chandler exhaled a sigh and took Monica back in his arms. "Of course you're my best friend."

Monica's lips went wide with a smug and satisfied smile. She let her arms wrap around his waist again as they started to walk once more towards their building.

Chandler looked down and chuckled. "What are you going to do about your coma boyfriend?"

Monica shot him a glare but then settled herself back against him. "Jokes? I thought you were mad."

"Sure, I'm mad. but still, you're dating a guy in a coma."

"I'm not dating him."

"You've seen him every night this week. It actually might be your longest relationship since Kip."

Monica pinched at Chandler's side and he yelped playfully, pretending it hurt more than it had.

"Well, I think that's over. I'll have to end things with him."

"Really? Why?"

"Something your mother said. Maybe I should stop looking for guys that tick off certain boxes and start looking for someone I like spending time with. Someone I can be comfortable with."

"How drunk are you?"

* * *

Monica stepped inside her apartment and slipped Chandler's sports coat on a hook by the door. She looked into the livingroom and saw Rachel sitting in the comfy chair, furiously writing in a pad.

"How'd you get home so fast?"

"Nora got us a car service. We left right after you guys. Where were you?"

Monica walked around the couch and sat down as she pulled her legs under her. "I walked Chandler home. He was pretty upset and I didn't want him to be alone." She looked at Rachel who was still writing notes. "What are you doing?"

"Writing a book."

Monica laughed. "Are you going to be the new Nora Bing?"

"Maybe."

"What is it about?"

Rachel put the end of the pen between her lips and smiled. "Well, Nora gave me an idea. She really helped me figure out what to do. It is about Chester and Marcia. Two best friends who are actually in love with each other, but they don't know, so they dance around it until one of them finally realizes what's going on and does something about it."

Monica wrinkled her brow. "That doesn't sound very erotic."

"Well, I guess it is more of a romantic comedy than an erotic sexcapade."

Monica flashed her a confused look but then stretched and let out a yawn. "Well, I'm off to bed." Monica got up and walked to her room. "And Rach, I'd think twice before I settled on the name Chester. It's weird. And not sexy." Monica closed the door behind her and Rachel looked back down at her pad and laughed.

* * *

A/N - I need to apologize for how long this chapter is. It really got away from me, but I wanted to try and cover a lot and keep with the pattern of one chapter per episode. If it is too long I can find a spot to split it up to make it easier to read. Please let me know. Thanks.


	12. The Twelfth Lasagna

**The Twelfth Lasagna**

Chandler stood by his door and watched as Monica disappeared into her apartment. He looked down at his feet and smiled as he swung his keys around on his index finger. He took his other hand and slowly rubbed the back of his neck, the lingering smirk on his face betraying some sort of compromise that he made with himself during his walk home with Monica; an accord of sorts, one which he was unaware had even existed. A bargain he had unconsciously agreed to, one that said as long as he and Monica were together, he would forgo dwelling on his inner turmoil and discontent; forget all about his mother and Ross, and let the world shrink down and disappear out of view. Every bad thing in the world blurred in the background and swallowed up whole by her illuminated presence.

He shook his head as he turned to face his own door and slid his key into the lock. He paused before turning it and entering his apartment as he reflected on his uneven night of highs and lows. Anger, frustration, bewilderment and despair juxtaposed with laughter, warmth, comradery and tenderness. As he dissected his mood swings, he realized that every time his spirits were lifted, Monica was there. Every time he smiled; she was smiling back. He felt good when he was with her. He felt like he was safe. He felt like he was home.

He looked back over his shoulder one more time and wondered if he should walk across the hall, slip inside and continue their night together. Breathe in deep her companionship, fill his veins with her presence, and perhaps vanquish any other demons that might still be crawling around in his head, born from seeing his best friend kiss his mother. He shuddered at that image for a moment and then shrugged his shoulders. He was tired. Still drunk from tequila, it's scent still pungent on his breath. It's flavor still sharp on his lips. He dismissed his impulse almost as quickly as he entertained it. He knew that she was no doubt already slipping under her sheets; halfway to dreamland herself.

Sleep.

That's what he needed.

That was his plan. A good night's sleep and then maybe a few cups of strong coffee in the morning to scratch away at the cotton that would no doubt cloud his mind tomorrow as he recovered from a night of boozy regret.

He turned the key and quietly entered his apartment. Mindlessly, he emptied his pockets onto the counter before looking up. When he did focus his eyes on the living room, he scowled at its occupant.

"What are you doing here?"

Ross stood up quickly from the recliner and popped over to the counter. "Dude. We have to talk about what happened."

Chandler shook his head and started to move around the counter as he made his way past Ross. "No. We really don't. I actually think no one should ever talk about what happened tonight ever again."

Ross grabbed Chandler's arm and spun him around so that they were facing each other. "Come on Chandler. You have to let me apologize. I feel terrible about this."

"You should feel terrible."

"I do. Please. Can you just listen to me for one minute?"

Chandler folded his arms and smirked. "Okay. I'll listen. What are you apologizing for?"

Ross's brow wrinkled as he began to stammer, tripping over his own tongue as he tried to think of the right words to say. "For, you know, uh, accidentally, me, and uh, your mom, well, truthfully…uh…there was a little nothing of a peck of a kiss. You could hardly even call it that. I mean, it was like kissing an aunt."

"Oh yeah? And what kind of aunt kisses on the lips?"

Ross put his hand on his stomach and his face twisted up as he looked like he had fallen ill. "Aunt Millie."

Chandler huffed as he shook his head and turned around to walk to his room.

"Come on Chandler. I'm sorry for kissing your mom."

Chandler turned to look back at him and arched his eyebrow. "And?"

Ross looked over towards the bathroom. "And, I also might have thrown up in your sink."

Chandler groaned and then collapsed onto the reclining chair.

"Look, I wish I could take it back. I do. I was really drunk and really stupid and I guess I just wanted to feel good about myself. I know that sounds dumb, but your mom said all these nice things about me."

"Well, you could have tried saying 'thank you'. That always works. You know, the classics."

"I know. I didn't mean to do that. I wasn't thinking clearly, and I got carried away. I promise. It didn't mean anything. I'm not into your mom."

Chandler eyed Ross for a few moments, he tried to hold onto his indignation, but he simply could not find it within himself to be angry anymore. His time with Monica wringing the discontent from his psyche. He settled back into the chair and weakly nodded his head.

"All right."

"Really?"

"Yes. If it really didn't mean anything."

"No. I mean, obviously your mom is super sexy and so hot. She looked so good tonight."

Chandler gestured his revulsion with his hands. "Eww!"

Ross slumped down and leaned back onto the counter. "I'm really drunk."

Chandler rolled his eyes and shook his head in defeat. "All right. Let me get you a pillow and a blanket. You can sleep it off here."

* * *

Monica turned off the faucet once she finished cleaning and rinsing the breakfast dishes. She hummed as she started to dry them before putting them away. There was a bounce in her step as she glided back and forth between the sink and the cabinets. Almost as if she were performing a choreographed dance where one foot spoke and the other answered. She ended with a spin as she turned to take off her apron, a smile of unknown origin plastered on her face.

Phoebe eyed her suspiciously from the kitchen table until her eyes went wide with discovery.

"Oh my god! You had sex!"

Monica lifted her gaze towards her friend and raised an inquisitive eyebrow; confusion riddled across her face. "What?"

"You had sex last night!"

Monica opened her mouth wide with shock and shook her head in disbelief. "Phoebe, I did not have sex last night."

Phoebe began to gesture mockingly with her arms. "Then what's with all this Mary Poppins stuff going on here?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're all like," Phoebe stood up and mimed drying a dish as she began to hum a jaunty tune. "La-la-la-la-la-la!"

Monica finished folding her apron and placed it on the counter. "I don't know what you are talking about. The only one around here getting any sex is you."

Phoebe smiled smugly as she sat back down. "I know."

Monica leaned back against the counter and smiled. "So, are you and Paolo getting serious?"

"Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, on one hand, Paolo is great, and he helped me remember that I know how to speak Italian."

"You speak Italian?"

"Well, back in the 1930s I lived in Sicily." Phoebe paused for a moment and looked off to the side contemplatively. "Wait. No, that wasn't me. That was my grandmother's lover Sergio who lived with us for a few months back in eighty-nine."

Monica shook her head as if it would steer the derailed conversation back to its original topic. She squeezed the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger and sighed. "Do you see a future with you two?"

"I'm not sure. Every time I think about stuff like that, and I imagine my life; you know, settling down, I keep seeing David."

"Who's David?"

"You remember, the scientist guy."

"Oh, right. David."

"I don't know what to do. I like Paolo, really, but he isn't David."

"Really? The scientist guy?"

Phoebe changed her inflection to mock Monica's tone. "Really, the, uh….who are you dating now?"

"No one!" Monica huffed in frustration.

Phoebe allowed a smug chuckle to roll under her breath. "It's just, when I was with David, he was so sweet. But Paolo has this, raw sexuality." Phoebe held out one hand. "Sweetness." Then held out the other. "Sex. It's a hard decision to make."

Monica rolled her eyes and turned back towards the sink.

Phoebe shook her head and stood up. "Okay, I have to go. My grandmother needs a ride to the taxidermist this morning and I promised I would take her there."

"Wait!" Monica reached into her freezer and took out a wrapped tin foil tray. "Please, take this lasagna home."

"Okay." Phoebe looked down at the tray and eyed it suspiciously. "This is vegetarian, right?"

Monica shrugged her shoulders. "Sure."

Phoebe nodded and smiled as she bounced her head side-to-side. She grabbed her purse, and before she could approach the door, it swung open wildly as Chandler, Joey and Ross bounded in. Each one quickly making themselves comfortable at the kitchen table.

Joey looked over at the stove. "Hey Mon, what's for breakfast?"

Monica reached into the freezer once more and dropped a second tin foil tray in front of Joey.

"How about a lasagna?"

Ross clutched at his stomach and looked as if he were about to turn green. "Ooo, that does not sound good. Maybe some black coffee?"

Monica raised an aggrieved eyebrow, admonishing her brother with her tone at his perceived insinuation that she would serve him at his leisure. She jabbed her thumb behind her. "You know where the coffee machine is."

Ross groaned and shook his head as he walked over to the counter and started to prepare a pot of coffee.

Joey grabbed a fork from a place setting and smiled. "Lasagna for breakfast sounds good to me." He yanked off the cover and jabbed his fork at the dish, only to find it frozen solid. "Hey, uh, Mon, I think your lasagna is broken."

Chandler looked over at Joey with incredulous eyes. "You have to cook it first."

"Oh." Joey sat back and smiled sheepishly. "I knew that."

Monica looked over at Chandler and then at Ross. "So, I take it you two made up?"

Ross and Chandler looked at each other and quietly nodded in agreement. Ross reached into the kitchen cabinet and began pulling out mugs.

"I just made a stupid mistake."

Joey, still eyeing the lasagna, crooked his neck and arched an eyebrow. "What was a mistake?"

Chandler shook his head and huffed. "Ross kissed my mom."

Joey looked up; his eyes went wide. 'Dude; we're allowed to kiss your mom? Because I gotta say…"

"No." Chandler cut him off as he gestured with his hands. "No, no. You don't gotta say. There will be no mother kissing."

"So, why'd you let Ross do it?"

"I didn't let Ross do it! You know what, just eat your lasagna-cicle."

Before Joey could respond, Rachel's bedroom door swung open with a loud crash as she charged into the living room, her worried, nervous eyes darted around the apartment.

"Is Phoebe here still here?"

Monica shook her head. "You just missed her."

"Oh thank god. I have to talk to you guys. It's about Paolo."

Rachel rushed into the kitchen and sat down. She looked around at everyone nervously and then brought her hands together as she focused her eyes on her entwined fingers. Monica stepped behind her and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Honey, you look awful. What is it?"

Rachel took a deep breath and looked up. "Last night after we got home, Sarah called, from the Central Perk. She said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to know if I could come down and close up for her so she could go home. When I got there, there were a couple of customers left, and one of them was Paolo. So, I made some small talk with him, which he did not understand, and slowly, everyone left until it was just the two of us, and then, he, uh, well, he made a move on me."

Monica covered her mouth as her eyes went wide. "Noooo!"

Rachel looked up at her and nodded. "I know!"

Joey wrinkled his brow. "Are you sure? I mean, the guy hardly speaks any English. You don't think maybe you misunderstood him?"

"Well, his handprint is still on my ass. So, no, I don't think I misunderstood."

Ross leaned over and looked down at Rachel's backside, almost as if he were trying to inspect it for any lingering evidence of Paolo's transgression. Monica glanced at her brother with a pair of incredulous eyes and he quickly returned his focus to the coffee machine.

"What do I do?"

Chandler looked at Monica and they shared a glance, both nodding in agreement. Monica sighed and flashed Rachel a sympathetic look.

"Honey, I think you have to tell Phoebe."

"Okay, but how do I do that, without actually telling her?"

Monica looked around the table and Joey looked down at his lasagna. "Oh man, I better go back to our place and heat this thing up."

Chandler stood up quickly and gestured wildly. "Oh, well, I probably should help you out there, buddy. You know how tricky our oven is."

Ross nodded. "I'll join you guys."

He stopped in his tracks as he became caught under the oppressive weight of his sister's steely glare.

"I have to go because, uh…" he looked between Rachel and Monica and charged towards the door, following Chandler and Joey as they evacuated the apartment.

Monica let out a growl of frustration. "Ugh! Men! Here for the gossip, gone for the hard part."

"Oh, wow. Don't even get me started on Paolo's hard parts."

* * *

Monica slowly opened the door to Chandler and Joey's apartment and looked around as she deposited a frozen lasagna onto the kitchen counter. She glanced over at the foosball table and smiled as she let her fingers glide across the edges until her hand fell to the pommel for the three-man rod. She spun it a few times and then nervously glanced at the livingroom to ensure no one was watching her.

"Chandler? Joey?"

She craned her neck as she waited for an answer to her call, but there was no reply. She reached down and grabbed the plastic ball, dropping it through the serving hole and down and began to twist the poles, spinning the tiny wooden players around, kicking the ball back and forth between two rows. She spun the handles quickly as she batted the ball, playing offense and defense almost simultaneously.

"Okay Geller, this is what you've been preparing for your whole life. You're greatest competition. You."

She continued to furiously volley the small white plastic ball back and forth, feverishly charting its course with her eyes. She seemed determined to play this out, trying to discover some weakness she may have, so she could ensure no one else could exploit it. As the ball stayed within the playing field, she smiled at her efforts.

"I am good!"

Suddenly, the apartment door opened, causing her to jump back, the pole of players continued to spin wildly, and the ball was kicked hard. It struck the frame near the far side goal and bounced back, making its way to the end closest to her until the ball sunk into the goal. Monica pumped her fist.

"Yes! Monica Geller one, Monica Geller, zero."

Chandler stared at her in bewilderment as he wrinkled his brow, his confused eyes then fixating on the table.

"What, uh…are you playing yourself?"

Monica began to protest, gesturing wildly with her arms. "What? Nooooo." She then stopped her motions and sheepishly dropped her head into her shoulders. "Okay, maybe."

Chandler dropped his keys onto the counter and chuckled. "Oh my god. You have a sickness. An actual sickness."

Monica gestured towards the frozen tin sitting on the counter. "I brought a lasagna."

"Please, no. No more lasagna."

Monica stepped over and turned the oven on. "Well, I didn't know what else to do. Rachel is over there telling Phoebe about Paolo, and I figured they needed some privacy."

Chandler craned his neck, as if he were trying to eavesdrop on his friends from the other side of his apartment door.

"Anyway, this is my last lasagna. We can eat and play some foosball."

Chandler waved his hand to dismiss her. "Oh, no. I am not going to enable your sickness."

"Sickness? Pfft. You're just scared. What's the matter, afraid to lose to a girl?"

Chandler nodded. "Yes."

"Oh, look, I'll play with one hand behind my back."

Chandler looked up, as if contemplating her offer. He then snapped back and shook his head.

"No. No thanks.!"

"Chandler!" Monica glanced at the table once more and then over at the lasagna on the counter. "But, I specifically saved this lasagna for you."

"Really?"

"Sure. I thought, we could eat it, play some foosball, maybe watch a movie. Really take this time to strengthen our friendship."

"Oh yeah?"

"Sure."

Chandler nods and smiles as he stepped towards the table. "Okay. Wow." He gestured with his hand between the two of them. "I had no idea our friendship meant tat much to you."

"Of course it does."

Chandler gave her a sweet smile and then dropped the ball through the serving hole. He grabbed at one of the handles, but before he could focus on the playing table, Monica had already spun a row of players fast and sent the ball down through Chandler's goal.

"Ha! One zip." She pointed triumphantly at Chandler. "You suck!"

Chandler dropped his hands from the pommels and gestured towards his door. "Get out."


	13. Tit for Tat

**Tit for Tat**

Clutching the blanket that she had snatched from the couch tightly to her chest, Rachel slammed her bedroom door shut behind her. She could not tell if the steam rising from her body was due to the hot shower she had just taken, or her righteous rage at Chandler for stumbling into the apartment and catching her half-naked.

She found that she was now frozen in place. Almost driven into a catatonic state of shock as she tried to process which emotion to feel first; embarrassment, shame, indignation, or just blind fury. Every possible and justifiable reaction was tightly wound up into a ball of unmanifested energy; building up inside her, ready to rip itself from her chest.

She seethed and glared in the direction of the wall she shared with her roommate.

Monica.

This was all her fault.

How could she let these boys come and go as they please into her apartment, into _**their**_ apartment, for all these years without any repercussions. They eat their food. They drink their Diet Cokes. They stink up their bathroom. They steal their newspaper. They are two sex-crazed, testosterone filled, public menaces.

They are always here. Rachel can barely get a moment to herself without someone intruding on the peaceful tranquility of her perfect apartment. Walking in like they own the place as they turn the television on or raid the fridge. It's a wonder it had taken this long for one of them to barge in on her in some state of undress as she walked from the bathroom to her bedroom.

And for it to be Chandler? Of all the luck.

Chandler.

That socially awkward, tongue-tied, man-child had to be the one to walk in on her? At least if it was Joey, he wouldn't have been so uncomfortably apologetic, squirming in his shoes as he tried to avoid making eye contact; compelling Rachel to feel guilty as if she were somehow at fault.

No. Joey would have made it clear who the guilty party was. He would have looked her up and down, leered at her, perhaps allowed some lecherous double entendre to fall from his lips, and in doing so, he would have given her license to unleash a string of obscenities his way as she banished him from the apartment.

Instead, thanks to Chandler, mixed with her anger are these twinges of sympathy for him at how terrible he probably felt. He flustered as he stood there, appearing like a wounded child, who lost his innocence.

Unbelievable!

As if it was her transgression, as if she, for some reason, should feel responsible. Making her second-guess every decision that led to her, standing before him, wrapped in that loose weave.

She looked up at the ceiling, chuckled to herself, and then shook her head as her mind began replaying what had happened; conjuring up different scenarios that may have been much more preferable than giving Chandler an eyeful of the "girls".

Of course, if it was Monica he walked in on, maybe then, at least, her efforts in trying to bring them together would bear some fruit. Perhaps, if the two of them stumbled onto each other in various stages of nakedness, it would finally pop that obvious bubble of sexual tension that is lodged between them. Monica would finally see Chandler as a sexual being, Chandler would realize how crazy he is about her. It would have been perfect.

God knows, nothing else she has tried has worked. Not even when she showed everyone the first draft from her Nora Bing inspired erotic novel about Chester and Marsha, long-time friends who fell into each other's arms and surrendered themselves to a night of passion at a relative's wedding. She was certain that the two of them would notice the similarities between the characters and themselves. She wasn't exactly subtle about it. Not when the dialogue included several of their anecdotes and recurring phrases.

Chester with his "could I _**be**_ anymore turned on."

Marsha, obsessed with the cleanliness of the bedroom, screaming "I know!" when she climaxed.

Somehow, even that wasn't clear enough. Even when Ross appeared to raise a suspicious eyebrow, and Joey, knowing all about her plans, shot her a nervous look, those two obtuse idiots she wrote the damn thing about could only focus on her lousy typing and terrible spelling. They were simply hopeless. Perhaps even seeing each other naked would not be enough to lift the fog from their eyes.

* * *

Monica followed Roger with a pair of incredulous eyes as he walked over to the couch. She was beside herself at the realization that Phoebe was already in a relationship so soon after her break-up with Paolo. Monica had always had a hard time understanding Phoebe's taste in men, but her latest string of lovers has left her speechless. Phoebe seemed to be alternating between sweaty nerds and thickheaded beefcake. Not that Monica thought there was anything wrong with beefcake, she wouldn't mind having a slice of it for herself. But like a sweet treat filled with empty calories and regret, the occasional beefcake usually left Monica unfulfilled and wanting more. Even though she was never one to shy away from a one-night stand, she was much more interested in finding someone she could make a real connection with and share in a lasting, deep, meaningful relationship.

"_Good luck with that Geller. At this rate, Phoebe will have gone out with all of the eligible bachelors in Manhattan before you get another first date."_

She chuckled to herself at that thought, and then returned her attention to Roger, ensuring he was out of earshot before leaning over to sternly whisper as the girls huddled up to gossip about Phoebe's latest paramour.

"Phoebe? How are you with this Roger guy already? You just broke up with Paolo like a minute ago!"

Phoebe looked nervously between Monica and Rachel. "I know, but then I saw Roger and he was so cute and smart I just had to snatch him up! Oh, and wait until you talk to him. I promise you guys will find him just as interesting as I do."

Monica lifted her eyebrows as a skeptical look fell across her face, but she quickly shrugged her shoulders and nodded as she resigned herself to accept yet another thing about her friend that she simply did not understand. Phoebe's ability to bounce back quickly after a break-up. She never seemed bogged down by the weight of expectations and the frustration of failed romances. She always got right back out there to find someone new.

Monica on the other hand, would obsess for days after just one bad date. She had always thought she was waiting for the right guy. The perfect guy. Her soulmate. That her trials and tribulations with dating and men was just the price she had to pay for maintaining her standards and finally ending up with the "one". Yet, every disappointment when it came to men ate away at her confidence. She wondered if perhaps she should be more like Phoebe, a wild leaf caught in a strong breeze. Rolling through the air without a care as to where it landed. Letting chance and chaos be its guide.

Just the thought of giving up that much control sent a shiver through her body. No. Monica knew she had to stay the path. Wait for her prince.

While this Roger seemed fine for Phoebe and her superficial view of love, there was no way he could be someone Monica would be interested in. First, his hair was much too long for her taste and that beard stubble would drive her crazy.

"_Have a beard or don't have a beard. Don't stop halfway!'_

There was also this smug way he carried himself. He was too much like her brother, who always knew when he was the smartest person in the room. An annoying quality that looked bad on anyone, but especially on men.

Monica then looked over her shoulder and observed Chandler as she bit her lip. She couldn't help but think that intelligent men should carry themselves more like he does. He never showed off or made anyone else feel bad if they did not know what some obscure word meant. Unlike Ross who would no doubt chuckle as he found someone else's ignorance amusing or Roger who looked to be the type to use that information to judge someone's worth.

Not Chandler. He was much more understated. Really, if he wasn't the only one wearing a suit right now, you would assume he was just like any other twenty-six-year-old man. Stuck between adolescence and something else that he was going to become. Yet, he had a stable job, was thoughtful, handsome, smart. Sure, he might make a joke at your expense, but he always made sure you were in on it with him.

If he did become too overbearing, fate would usually step in to humble him. Like right now, as he squirmed in his seat under the rueful eye of Rachel as she still held her grudge and the painfully sharp observations from Phoebe's new boyfriend.

She smirked for a moment, but her enjoyment at his discomfort faded as she noticed he looked particularly wounded by something Roger said. She could not help herself as it appeared he needed a lifeline. She reached out to touch him on the arm, as if to soothe his bruised ego. She almost felt bad for him. Almost.

* * *

Chandler groaned loudly and made sure to demonstratively express his dismay the minute Roger's name was uttered over Monica's intercom. His impending descent upon this evening's festivities left Chandler with an uncomfortable sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. He could only anxiously dance around on the tips of his toes as he waited for yet another series of surgical strikes at the most vulnerable spots of his psyche. What new and harrowing truths would Phoebe's boyfriend subject him to? He did not know. The only thing he was sure of was that he was not interested in having his soft, tender bits left out on display for everyone to see.

Although, much to his pleasant surprise, as the night went on, Roger used his keen skills to assail the others and their hard shells of phycological defense. It didn't take long for Chandler to relax as everyone else took their turn through the ringer. He almost felt giddy as his friends now had to endure the same uncomfortably revealing emotional vulnerability that he had experienced earlier in the coffee house. Misery, and psychological torture, must love company.

He could see it on everyone's face. Especially Monica and Ross, who looked ready to join forces and heave Roger off the balcony. A feat Chandler found himself very interested in watching play out. Every groan and guttural reply were music to Chandler's ears. Each of his friends now being brought down to his level. He wasn't sure if the night could get any better.

The only one smart enough to avoid Roger's debilitating analysis seemed to be Joey, who kept his distance as he stewed over the discovery of his father's infidelity. Chandler got a chuckle out of that irony. Joey, outwitting everyone for once, and the source of his own malcontent being his Lothario dad. Really, all he needed now was for it to come out that Rachel's father also dressed in drag and he would be in schadenfreude heaven.

"Look, all I am saying is that you will never find love until you come to terms with the fact that no man will ever be able to completely fill the void left inside you from your parent's lack of emotional availability and attention. No man could live up to those expectations of making up what they lacked to provide. It is much easier to build a bridge than try to fill a chasm Monica. But instead, you created this search for perfection so that you can reject men who don't live up to your standards before they can reject you. It's really textbook."

Monica stared dead-eyed at the kitchen table, barely able to lift the cookie in front of her that she had assumed would be her sweet reward for the ninety-minute gym class she had sweat through this afternoon. But now she sees it is only a poor substitute for love, and it will never sate her hunger.

Roger looked around the room and then, once finding Chandler, pointed at him. "You know, in a way, you and Chandler are a lot alike, he no doubt fixates on small imperfections in order to avoid getting close to anyone because of his abandonment issue stemming from his own parent's."

Roger looked back at Monica.

"That's probably why the two of you are so close. This unspoken shared experience of parental neglect. You're practically kindred spirits."

Chandler looked at Monica, and as the two of them made eye contact, they shared the same incredulous expression. Then, each one of them narrowed their eyes, as if they were studying each other, looking for some sign that maybe Roger was right.

Almost simultaneously, both shook their heads and began to stammer and scoff.

"No."

"Nononono."

"No way."

"nuh-uh."

"Nope."

They shared one more glance and then each quickly turned away from each other.

* * *

Rachel watched Ronnie make her way to the bathroom and waited until she heard the click of the lock bolt. She then turned back to the door and allowed a devilish look to flash over her face as a roguish smile spread across her lips.

"Mr. Bing, it is time you see your thing."

Monica chuckled and held the door open as Rachel appeared ready to exact her revenge. She took three determined steps towards the door but stopped and looked back at her roommate. She noticed that Monica's cheeks seemed flush with color. She kept her eyes down, and the smirk on her face gave way to a sheepish smile.

Rachel's eyes opened wide as she wondered to herself, if maybe, she was finally getting through to Monica. Could she be caught in a momentary fantasy where she was the one about to see Chandler Bing in all his naked glory?

Rachel's smile intensified and became more mischievous. She may be able to kill two birds with one stone.

"Monica. You should come with me."

Monica scoffed and shook her head. "What? Why? He didn't see my boobies."

Rachel, still stung from her own inadvertent flashing of their neighbor, bathed her with an indignant stare.

Monica shrunk a bit in her shoulders and smiled demurely. "I mean, breasts."

Rachel shook her head and closed her eye as she attempted to focus on the task at hand.

"I know he didn't see you this time, but with these two guys coming and going as they please, it's only a matter of time before one of your boobs comes flying out all over the place."

Monica's brow wrinkled at the odd images that flashed in her head. "I'm sorry? My what would be doing what now?"

Rachel gestured dismissively. "You know what I mean. Come on Monica. It'll be twice as humiliating if we both go and see it. Remember Thanksgiving? 1988? We'll finally get your revenge, and no one will have to lose a toe!"

Monica spun around, and even though she knew no one else was in the room, she was still worried about being overheard. "Rachel! Shh!"

"And, if you think about it, he saw both my breasts, but he only has one thing. So, one person sees two boobies, then two people should see one, uh, pee-pee. That's just math."

Monica eyed her roommate suspiciously. "Didn't you flunk math?"

Rachel balled up her fists, gave her best pout, and stomped her foot on the ground. "Oh, come on Monica! Come see Chandler's penis with me!"

Monica raised her hands up in defeat. "Fine, fine. But I'm only doing this for you."

Rachel gleefully spun around as she clapped her hands. She led Monica quickly across the hall, into the boys' apartment, and past Joey's father. He looked up from his newspaper, confused by what was happening, but Rachel quickly dispatched of him with a singsong lift to her voice.

"Hey Mr. Tribbs."

The two of the slid quietly across the floor as they rounded the turn past the kitchen and found themselves at the bathroom door. Rachel tilted her head to listen and nodded as her eyes shined with mischief once she heard the rushing water of the shower. She reached down and slowly squeezed the doorknob, opening the door slowly until there was enough space for them both to slip inside.

As they approached the shower, Rachel smirked as she looked over at Monica. She gestured with her head at the curtain.

Monica, knowing full well Rachel wanted her to pull it back, shook her head "no" with adamant resolve.

Rachel let her eyes bulge as she doubled her efforts. Insisting with every hair on her head that Monica pull the curtain aside.

Monica shook her head in defeat and angrily mouthed "all right" as she reached over and yanked hard on the curtain, pulling it back and smiling with wicked intent.

"Tit for tat Bing!"

Once the figure in the shower became clear behind the steam, both women dropped their jaws and leapt back as they came face-to-thing with Joey.

Joey began to wave his arms about as he attempted to cover himself.

"Woah, what is going on in here….wait…"

He looked over at both Monica and Rachel and then counted to two with his fingers. He allowed a lascivious smile to curl up the corners of his lips.

"Oh man! Who said porno movies don't come true!"

He stood back to make room and gestured for them to join him.

"Okay, who wants to be first. I think we all can probably fit in here but be careful because the tub gets slippery. Mon, you'll probably want to start taking Rachel's shirt off now."

Both Monica and Rachel shuddered as their faces twisted in disgust. Quickly, they stormed out of the bathroom, forcibly pulling the door shut tight behind them.

Monica waved an accusatory finger in Rachel's face. "What the hell was that Green!"

"What! It's not my fault. Ronni said it Chandler was in there!'

They started to bicker over each other, almost unintelligibly as Chandler strolled out of the bedroom in a robe.

"What, uh, what's going on out here?"

* * *

Monica looked up as she heard a rapid series of knocks before her door opened. Chandler poked his head through the door with his eyes covered.

"Hello? Is it safe in here?"

Monica rolled her eyes as she tried to stifle a smile. "Yes. Come in."

Chandler chuckled and looked around. "Where is everyone?"

"I don't know. I think Rachel might be working."

"Ah." He nodded as he walked towards the table to join her but stopped when he noticed the crestfallen look on her face. "Hey? Is everything okay?"

Monica straightened up and tried to put on a brave face. "What? Yeah. Well….no. I don't know."

"That clears things up."

Monica shook her head and rolled her eyes once more. "What is the deal with Joey's mom and dad? I mean, isn't that crazy?"

"Don't you think you should be asking Roger that?"

Monica quickly scowled. "I hate that guy."

Chandler quickly nodded in agreement.

"I just...how could she be okay with that?"

"I don't know. Different generation I guess."

"Chandler, when you're from a different generation, you can't use a VCR. You don't want your husband to have a mistress."

Chandler chuckled and nodded. "Well, maybe, I don't know, maybe he is in love with the mistress, but he is still too close with the wife."

"What?"

"Hear me out. The mistress is the one who does it for him, right? But his wife, well, she is like his best friend."

Monica nodded but then quickly shook her head. "Yeah, but, still….ew."

Chandler laughed. "If that turns you off, never ask me about Fourth of July 1978 at the Bing family barbecue."

Monica squinted her eyes at Chandler and shook her head. "I couldn't do that. Could you?"

"What? Have two wives? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Come on Chandler, you know what I mean."

Chandler stammered a bit on his words, fumbling through a series of half-started sentences, until he finally slumped his shoulders and looked across at Monica with a pair of earnest eyes.

"I'd like to think that whoever I ended up with, well, that I'd be in love with them, and they'd be my best friend."

Monica smiled at that. For some reason his words gave her hope, and her heart felt warmed by his sentiment. She looked back at him from across the table.

"You know, I think I want the same thing."

They sat in silence for a moment as they continued nodding. They shared a pair of sheepish grins until Monica's face became still. She let herself sink into his blue eyes and felt something rising inside her. She was not certain what this feeling was, but it compelled her to stretch her hand across the table, almost beckoning him to reach down and clasp her hand in his own.

Chandler became quiet, and he no longer had the smile of a man who was uncomfortable or awkwardly trying to fit inside his own skin. There was a sense of unassuming confidence in his face. He looked down at Monica's hand, and for a moment, it felt as if they were the only two people left in the world. The same feeling he had the night they walked home from the restaurant.

He began to reach for her, unsure if the spell he felt like they were under would be broken the moment they touched, or, perhaps, it would be the final ingredient.

Monica licked her lips, she did not know why, but suddenly, she was feeling a familiar sense of need coming from deep inside her. Unconsciously, she leaned her head towards the middle of the table.

Chandler's eyes went wide, but before he could properly process what was happening, the door to Monica's apartment swung open wildly, pulling them from their trance as they sat back into their chairs.

Phoebe began to stomp around the apartment, waving her arms frantically as words fell from her mouth at such a rapid pace, that neither Monica, nor Chandler could understand her. They both looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

Monica turned around in her chair and chuckled.

"Phoebe?"

"Pheebs, you okay?"

Phoebe stopped her incessant pacing and sat down, her form practically deflated as she sunk deeper into the chair.

"It's Roger…I just…you know…well...I HATE THAT GUY!"


	14. Oh! My! God!

**Oh My God**

The apartment was unusually still for this time of morning. In fact, it was so quiet outside Rachel's bedroom door, that she half-expected to find the place empty when she stepped out of her room to start her day.

Normally, as she got herself dressed for work, she would have a few minutes alone in her bedroom where she would listen to the cacophony of noise coming from the other side of the door. Random, out of context words that punctured their way into her room over the din of overlapping morning conversations. Familiar sounds that informed her of who was there and what they were doing as they surrounded the kitchen table. Hearing the routine clamor of apartment twenty prepared her for what she would encounter once she left the privacy of her room and joined her friends in the real world. Before even stepping out into the living room, she could stand there with eyes closed at her door and paint a mental picture of what would be there to greet her. The usual suspects in their usual positions as they shared a quick breakfast before going about their day.

Joey, shoveling cereal into his mouth as he stared at the back of the box, giggling at some conversation he imaged he was having with a cartoon tiger. Chandler, leg crossed over his lap, casually drinking a mug of coffee while reading the paper. Ross, no doubt meticulously spreading butter on a second piece of toast as he bored everyone with some random work anecdote. Phoebe, thanking the grapefruit she was about to eat for letting her slice it open and peel the fruit from its skin. Monica, bouncing around between all of them like she was stuck in a pinball machine, with an extra spoon or napkin, ready to hand it out to one of her friends in need.

Rachel had grown quite accustomed to the mayhem that weekday mornings in her home provided. The bustling apartment gave her a sense of normalcy and offered reliability after all the upheaval of the last few months from the drastic changes she had made in her life. There was a comfort in knowing that everyone who cared about her was right outside her door, day or night. Friends who, at a moment's notice, were ready to listen to her complain, offer her advice, or simply provide companionship that was purer than any she had known before. A level of friendship and devotion that no one else had ever been able to deliver. It helped keep her head up as she built her new life.

But not today.

Today she heard nothing.

No dishes clanging in the sink. No beeping of the coffee pot. No sizzle of bacon. No loud, overlapping voices. No laughter. No chairs being moved. No apartment door opening and closing. Nothing. Just silence.

When she finally stepped from her room, she looked around the apartment and saw that only Chandler and Monica were seated at the table. Her eyes darted around once more, checking for any of the others, but no one else was there. She returned her gaze to the kitchen and noted that the two of them appeared as if they were avoiding each other. Chandler had the paper held up high in a white knuckled grip, practically covering his entire head with it, looking like a boarded up and abandoned storefront. Monica seemed to be deliberately casting her eyes down as she pushed her spoon around in circles in a cup of yogurt. A mindless unthinking machine, blending fruit and crunchy granola in a small plastic cup that she apparently was uninterested in consuming.

Rachel was used to a different kind atmosphere when she came across these two as they sat alone in the apartment. She would feel like a third wheel whenever she joined Monica and Chandler at the kitchen table as they usually looked the part of an old married couple. Chatting like two people who knew each other inside and out yet were also still genuinely excited to spend time together. There was always this energy between them which would further embolden her folly as she tried to bring them together. Knowing glances, shared smiles, intimate touches. It was as if they were performing some courtship ballet, where everything was still hidden inside of them, all the things that they were too blind to see for themselves, were always clearly on display for Rachel. She was an audience of one to their clumsy, unknowing flirtations.

But this morning, things felt different. There was no ease in their body language. There were no smiles. No brief looks of affection. No inside jokes that could set them both off into laughter without either of them saying a word. No soft hand on a shoulder. There was nothing between them that she was accustomed to witnessing when they were together. Instead, there was awkward silence, stiff necks, and what seemed to be a conscious effort to pretend that they weren't even in the same room.

Chandler noticed Rachel first, and he turned to face her as he quickly dropped his paper down onto the table. He stood up and enthusiastically gestured for her to come over and join them, which caused Rachel to stop in her tracks as she tried to process his wild motions.

"Hey! Look! It's Rachel! We can talk to Rachel!"

Monica looked up momentarily, almost appearing as relieved as Chandler to have someone else in the room.

Rachel, still taken aback by the awkward energy in the room, slowly walked towards the kitchen and shook her head. "Oh, uh, I don't know if I have time to talk. I have to open up this morning at the coffee shop."

"I'll give you one thousand dollars to talk to us."

Rachel let a suspicious smile spread across her lips and narrowed her eyes as she tried to figure out the punchline from what she could only assume was another one of Chandler's odd jokes.

"No, I only have time for a quick cup of coffee."

"Wait. You need coffee, before you go to work at a coffee house?"

Rachel stopped at the counter and looked at him with an unamused expression from over her shoulder.

"That's interesting. Don't you think that's interesting Monica? She needs coffee before going to work where they have coffee. We could talk about that."

Monica looked over at Rachel nervously and offered her an unconvincing smile.

Rachel turned around and folded her arms. "Okay. What's going on with you two? Why are you acting so weird?"

Feeling as though Rachel was challenging her, Monica finally showed some signs of life and scoffed. "Weird? We're not weird. If anything, you're being weird."

"I'm not being weird." Rachel looked around the apartment once again. "Where is everyone?"

"Ross was going to meet Carol and Susan at the doctor, Phoebe had to take her grandmother shopping and Joey is still asleep."

Chandler slapped the surface of the table with his hand. "Those rat bastards!"

Rachel eyed him once more as Monica shrugged her shoulders.

* * *

Chandler nervously shivered as he took a step towards the door. He felt as if every hair on his body was standing straight up. He stammered a bit and his tongue became unwieldly in his mouth, blocking him from forming any kind of coherent sentence. He finally found the wherewithal to blurt out a few words he had hoped made sense.

"Well, you know, off to work, early worm and birds and noses and grindstones and all that. Good talk Rach! Let me know how that coffee turns out."

He quickly stepped outside, closed the door behind him, and then leaned on it for support. He demonstratively blew air from his mouth as if he had been holding his breath for hours. He looked at his watch and winced at the thought of going to the office this early, but he resigned himself to doing just that as he acknowledged that it would probably be better than staying in the girl's apartment with the awkward fog that laid thick in the kitchen.

Math, spreadsheets, ridiculous acronyms, green numbers and a cursor blinking on a computer screen would surely be enough to distract him from thinking about last night. From trying to process what it was he felt in the pit of his stomach for a split-second as he and Monica sat alone in her shadowy kitchen less than ten hours earlier.

At first, he thought that by just getting back into their routine, it would be enough to squash down any lingering misconceptions his overanxious brain had conjured up, clouding his better judgment with nonsensical fantasies. Yet, when he came over to the apartment this morning, and found only Monica readying herself for breakfast, he immediately felt the strain of his contortions as he tried to act normal while also fighting the urge to address what he was certain was a moment they had between them last night. It had to be a moment because he felt this magnetic pull that was unmistakable.

But was it real? Did he imagine it? It wouldn't be the first time he was alone with an attractive woman for more than three minutes and he thought that she wanted to sleep with him. Misconstruing the intentions of the opposite sex was his specialty, and every time he ended up being horribly, embarrassingly wrong.

Was he wrong this time as well? Everything seemed to signal that something was happening between them. He's seen the films, watched the TV shows, read the books. All the signs that they had taught him to look for were there. What would have happened if Phoebe had not shown up at that exact moment? Was Monica leaning in? Did he want her to?

Chandler shook his head. Thoughts like these could only lead to trouble. They would spin his wheels until they broke off their axles and sputtered out of control, bouncing out of his head and down the street, into the real world for everyone to see.

He shook his head vehemently before making his way to the staircase. This was Monica. He was Chandler. There was no moment.

* * *

Rachel gestured towards the door. "Jeez. Just when you thought that guy couldn't get any weirder."

Monica shrugged her shoulders and walked over to the kitchen counter.

"What was that all about?"

Another uninspired shrug.

"Come on Mon, you were with him…"

"What? I'm not with Chandler."

"What?"

"You know, sometimes, I don't even like Chandler."

Rachel looked back at the door, dumbfounded and confused. "Okay."

Monica rolled her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Okay." She bit her lip, as if contemplating one last times what her words should be. "Maybe...well…you see…the thing is…last night…"

Before another word could be spoken, Joey bounded into the apartment, opening the door wildly as he swung his body over to the kitchen table. Rachel, her eyes still fixated on Monica, could swear she saw a sigh of relief escape from her roommate's lips.

Joey let his eyes track the contents of the table as he looked for something to eat. "Hey, Chandler here?"

Rachel lifted her mug to her lips and shook her head. "You just missed him Joe."

Joey groaned and then reached down to snatch a cold piece of toast from a plate in the center of the table. He took a quick bite. "Dammit. I really needed to talk to him. You know that Lorraine chick I've been seeing. Well, she wants me to bring someone for a friend of hers so we could double-date tonight. I figured I'd set her up with Chandler."

Monica perked up and tilted her head, as if she was having trouble understanding what Joey was saying. "Oh, you guys are going on dates?"

Rachel eyed Monica as she seemed unnerved and fidgety. She watched as Monica tugged at her sleeve and scoffed in a display of false bravado. Her lip flared up and her eyebrow arched. Her cheeks became red and one eye seemed to bulge as she appeared to try and hold back some fractious reaction. As Rachel observed Monica's body language, she saw something she hadn't seen since high school. Displayed for all to see.

Monica was jealous.

Rachel quickly grabbed Joey's arm and pulled him forcibly from his chair and towards the door.

"Hey Joe, can I talk to you?"

"Ow!" Joey stumbled backwards as Rachel dragged him out of the apartment and across the hall.

He tugged his arm from her tight grip as they barreled through his apartment door and he rubbed it while staring indignantly at her.

"Why do you keep hurting me!"

"You can't take Chandler on that date."

'What?"

"Joey, there's something going on, and I need some time to figure it out, but you cannot take Chandler on that date!"

"But Lorraine does stuff with food. Like, sex stuff."

"What?"

Joey nodded as a lascivious smile spread across his lips. "Oh yeah, one time, we had this pastrami and…"

Rachel twisted her face up in disgust and frantically waved her arms about. "Just find somebody else!"

"I don't know anyone else." Joey spun around and snatched a small black address book from the top of the kitchen counter. "Look. There are no guys in here."

"Joey!"

Joey shook his head in defeat. "Fine. Fine. I'll see if I can find someone else." He then snapped his fingers. "Ross. He needs to get back on the horse. I'll take Ross"

Rachel folded her arms as her brow wrinkled. "Ross?"

"Yeah. I bet I can catch him before work at the coffee house."

"You're uh, you're gonna take Ross?"

"What. Is there a problem with that?"

Rachel felt flush, like she was getting hot under her collar. Her shirt started to feel tight, itchy and uncomfortable. She tugged lightly at her blouse. "No. I just thought, well, maybe it's too soon?"

"What? Soon shmoon. This guy has to get laid."

Rachel shuddered at his crudeness but relented with a nod of her head. "Fine. Just don't take Chandler. I need him and Monica to be alone tonight."

* * *

Rachel watched from the other side of the counter as Ross and Joey leaned in and discussed this evening's double-date. She did not know why it bothered her to see Ross get wrapped up in Joey's plans, or why the idea of Ross having a blind date irked her so much. She felt silly and wondered if maybe she was being a bit too overprotective of her friend. Apart from Monica, she had grown the closest with Ross, bonding over their failed marriages, even if her nuptials never reached completion. It made her feel as if he was the only one who could relate to what she was going through. Like Rachel, Ross was trying to build a new life. Both trying to navigate a world in which all their previous plans had crumbled to dust, and now, they had to figure out not only what they wanted, but who they were going to be.

There were many late-night talks over a glass of wine, long after Monica had gone to bed, where they commiserated in their misery. Nights where he would stick around Central Perk long after his last cup of coffee and help her clean up at closing time so she could go home a little earlier. He was a good friend, and the idea of him out there dating, probably meant that he would have less time for her.

She turned her attention to Phoebe and Monica, both of them chuckling and lost in their own conversation, seemingly unaware that Ross and Joey were even there. Rachel cleared her throat and stepped around the counter to join them on the couch.

"Hey ladies, what's going on?"

Monica chuckled again and looked up at Rachel. "Phoebe has this idea to get us out of the cycle of dating creepy guys."

Rachel nodded. "Oh yeah?"

"Yes. I have this friend, Abby, who shaves her head. She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual."

"What? What kind of ritual?"

"Well, you burn all their stuff that they gave you."

"Oh. Sounds a little out there."

"What? No way. I was thinking about coming over tonight with all my stuff."

Rachel's eyes went wide. "Oh, well, we can't do that tonight."

"Why not."

"Well, because, I need you to go on a double-date with me."

Monica shot Rachel a wounded look. "What? You're taking Phoebe on a double-date and not me?"

"Huh?"

"Why would you take Phoebe and not me! If anyone deserves to be set up on a date it's me."

Phoebe turned to look at Monica and gasped.

"Oh stop. You've dated three guys in the last four weeks!"

Rachel shook her head. "Well, uh, Mon, uh, you remember Joey Fischer, right? From school?"

"Oh I hate that guy."

"Well, it's with him and his brother."

"Joey Fischer doesn't have a brother."

"Right. I mean, uh, fraternity brother."

Phoebe shook her head as her lips twisted up. "Oh, I don't know. I don't like frat boys."

"Phoebe, they aren't frat boys anymore. Come on. I really could use your help. I'd ask Monica, but she still has a grudge from that time Joey Fischer took the last pizza bagel at lunch."

Monica folded her arms and huffed. "Well I called it. Does calling it not mean anything anymore!"

Phoebe nodded as a sign of capitulation. "Fine. I'll go on this date. But he better be cute."

"What about our ritual."

Phoebe turned back to Monica. "Maybe tomorrow night, if this guy turns out to be a creep, I'll steal his wallet and we can burn that too!"

* * *

Monica sat at the kitchen table and stared at the bottle of grappa that Phoebe had dropped off earlier this evening, along with a box full of stuff that her litany of exes had left behind. While Phoebe assured her that they would all still go through with the ritual tomorrow night as she and Rachel left for their dates, Monica could not help but feel as if it were an empty promise. The comradery the three of them seemed to share over being saddled with terrible men throughout their romantic history faded as she watched Rachel get ready. When Phoebe showed up, barely able to contain her exuberance at the chance to meet some new mystery man on her blind date, Monica's mood soured, and she went from jealous to despondent. Her two friends, dressed up, looking pretty and caught up in the giddy, nervous anticipation that you can only feel on a first date. Meanwhile, Monica was going to be here, alone, in sweatpants.

She wondered what was wrong with her and why she always seemed to attract members of the opposite sex that resided in bottom of the barrel. Liars, cheats, bores, drunks. Her list of exes seemed to resemble more of a cautionary tale rather than a scintillating black book. She used to wonder if she was just a magnet for scum. That her personality warded off the more preferred suitors and left her with the wretched womanizing leeches. Perhaps she simply made bad decisions. Choosing men who show the slightest interest in her work. She recognized that she had a bad habit of becoming enamored with any man that paid attention to anything other than her looks. Someone who noticed what book she was reading, or could overhear the music from her headphones, and use it to strike up a conversation that would catch her off-guard, and before she knew what was happening, she was at dinner being bored to tears about the intricacies of being a stock broker.

It was a vicious cycle of bad choices and terrible instincts. Like the instinct she had last night. The one that had her staring into his blue eyes as she wondered what his hair would feel like between her fingers. Another in a long line of disasters that was thankfully avoided when Phoebe showed up and brought the real world crashing down onto her brief and ill-advised fantasy.

That's all it was.

Just a momentary lapse of reason.

As she focused her eyes on that bottle of grappa, she couldn't help but let her mind play a lonely woman's trick on her as it tried to entice her with that fantasy once more.

* * *

Ross straightened his tie and cleared his throat as he stood by the table. He was uncomfortable with the idea of going out on a date, but seeing Rachel planning her own night out, strengthened his resolve. For a few weeks, he had toyed with the idea of asking Rachel out. He thought to himself, why not? What did he have to lose? It was the night before Valentine's Day, and sometimes that meant throwing caution to the wind. He was all set to let Joey down easy, but when he heard Rachel's excited pitch, and saw the smile she had as she convinced Phoebe to go on a double-date, he realized that she simply did not see him as anything other than Monica's nerdy older brother.

Before Ross could fall back into the quicksand trap of his feelings for Rachel, Joey excitedly elbowed him in the ribs and stirred him from his reverie.

"Hey, that's Lorraine. Isn't she hot!"

Ross rubbed at his side and glared at Joey, but quickly turned his attention back to Lorraine and smiled as she approached the table.

"Well hello Joey." She looked Ross up and down from head to toe and smirked. "Wow. Look what you brought. Very nice."

Ross nodded as he was beginning to feel slightly exasperated and forced another uncomfortable smile.

"And what did you bring?"

"Don't worry tall dark and handsome, she's checking the coats." Lorraine lifted her hands to smell them and then turned to Joey. "I'm going to go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel and a glass of red for Janice."

Joey nodded as he tilted her head to watch her backside as she walked away. He let a salacious smile spread across his lips, but then slowly, his smile led way to a confused expression as he turned to look at Ross. "Janice. That's a funny coincidence, huh."

Ross chuckled. "Yeah. I bet Chandler would get a kick out of it. Imagine you took him instead of me and how he would freak out when he heard the name."

Before Joey could respond, his entire body appeared to shrivel and shudder as a familiar, shrill, Queens accent bellowed through the restaurant.

"Oh! My! Gawd!"

* * *

When he got home from work, Chandler locked himself in his apartment. He eschewed his usual routine of checking in across the hall for people and food, and instead, ate a can of soup for dinner and resigned himself to watching reruns on television all night from the comfort of his chair. It seemed like a good plan, a solid distraction from his busy mind. And yet, every now and then, he would swing his chair around in a circle and stop as he looked at his door.

He thought that he would be relieved to spend his evening home alone. No one to pepper him with questions or idle conversation enticing him to crack open and spill out everything he had been thinking about all day. Chandler always found himself better off with thoughts unuttered and feelings unexpressed. Yet, as he stared at his door, all he could think about was marching across the hall and finding out if what he had played out over and over in his mind had really happened. The only person who could end his torture and sate his obsessive curiosity was right there, no more than fifty feet away from him through two steel New York City apartment doors.

Monica.

He did not want to go over there and have some awkward conversation that might end with his humiliation, but his brain would not let him rest. No matter how hard he tried. Even this afternoon, as he buried his head in the sand and used work to distract himself, all he thought about was last night. He piled a weeks' worth of projects onto his desk with the intent to finish them by the end of the day, and still, he could not shake it. He even stopped at the local bar to have a beer and watch some of the Knicks game as a last ditch effort to delay the inevitable. Yet, no matter what he did, he could not get the image of Monica from last night out of his head. Her eyes like half-moons as she tilted her head and leaned forward over the kitchen table.

He spun around in the recliner in a circle until he faced the door again. How long could he hide here? How long could he avoid going across the hall without looking suspicious? How long could he resist this urge to walk over there and find out exactly what was going on.

The answer it seemed, was not long at all.

Almost without conscious thought, he got up from the chair, walked out his door and found himself a breath away from walking into apartment twenty. He wasn't even sure how he got here so fast without stopping himself a half-dozen times first. He turned the knob and stepped inside, not sure what he would find.

A drunk Monica was the last thing he would have guessed.

"Heeeey! You got the door open!"

"Hey, uh, are you drunk?"

Monica cradles an empty shot glass and shook her head, laughing as if what Chandler had just said was absurd. "Pfft. Noooooo." She used her other hand to support herself and tried to stand up, only to fall back down onto the chair. She laughed and started to nod. "Okay. Yeah."

"What happened?"

"Well, there was this bottle here and I thought, hey, maybe I should drink some of the stuff in this bottle."

Chandler lifted the bottle up and looked at it. "Is this grappa? Isn't this stuff like pure alcohol?"

Monica shrugged her shoulder and giggled as she slid her glass onto the table. "It's a good thing you're here. I need to pour myself another drink but I can't find my glass. Can you help me?"

"The glass you just put down?"

Monica looked at the glass and laughed. "Oh, there you are." She lifted it up and held it out. "Fill'er up pardner."

* * *

Phoebe folded her arms and practically snorted steam from her nostrils like a cartoon bull. "Rachel? Where are these guys? They're an hour late!"

Rachel looked nervously around the room. There were no guys coming. No Joey Fischer and his frat brother. No blind date. It was simply a ruse to ensure that Monica and Chandler would be alone and forced them to spend the night together. Tomorrow was Valentine's Day, and the idea that maybe, those two would commiserate in their loneliness on the eve of the most romantic day of the year, was too perfect an opportunity for Rachel to pass up. Perhaps, they would stumble onto some spark between them that could only happen to characters in a movie. She knew it was a fools gambit, but she was okay playing the fool. Something happened that caused the awkwardness between them this morning, and maybe, that's what they needed for the final push.

Now, Rachel had to figure out what to tell Phoebe about their dates. She wanted pretend that they got stood up, but only an hour in, Phoebe was already getting restless. Rachel smiled and poured some more sangria from the pitcher into their glasses and forced out a laugh.

"Well, they'll be here soon. It's probably, you know, a frat prank or something, show up late, make the girls nervous. You know how it is."

Phoebe shook her head. "What?"

"You know, the games men play."

"What kind of men have you been dating?"

"Ray-ray Green?"

Rachel's shoulders stiffened as she recognized the familiar voice that rang through the restaurant.

"Oh no."

"What?"

"It's Melissa Warburton. I do not have the energy for this."

Rachel turned her head and nodded towards a slender brunette who was giddily approaching their table.

"Ray-ray? That is you!"

Rachel plastered a phony smile on her face as she turned and tried to express some measure of excitement. "Melissa!"

"Wow. It has been too long. Oh and you're married now? Right?" Melissa grabbed Rachel's hand and yanked it towards her. Her smile faded when she noticed Rachel was not wearing a ring and she bathed Rachel in a pair of sympathetic eyes. "Oh, poor Ray-ray."

"No, it's good. It's good. Dodged a bullet."

"Okay, if you say so." Melissa looked over at Phoebe and flashed her an envious look. "And who is, your, uh, friend?"

"Oh, this is Phoebe."

Melissa looked over the table, and noticing the pitcher of sangria, she nodded slowly. "Sangria. Oh, I see. I didn't realize you were on a date. I'm sorry."

Rachel tilted her head and chuckled nervously. "What?"

"I just, well, let's just say I didn't know you had an M.O. is all. I don't want to interrupt you and your date."

Phoebe's eyes went wide. "What!"

"Okay, well, here." Melissa took out a folded up business card. "Call me Ray-ray. You can use the number here. We should really catch up."

Melissa skipped away and Rachel kept her eyes down, trying to avoid Phoebe's punishing gaze.

"Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"Who was that?"

"Oh, that was just a friend from college. We were sorority sisters."

Phoebe looked around the table once more.

"Why did she think we were on a date?"

"What? Oh, I don't know."

"Rachel Karen Green!"

"Okay, okay, shush! Look, one night, we were at a party, and we got a little drunk on sangria, and we kissed a little. She must have the wrong idea about me now."

Phoebe's eyes went wide as she stared at the bottle of sangria. "Oh no. Is that what this is? Is this why our dates never showed up. You want me."

Rachel snapped her head up and stared incredulously at Phoebe. "Eh!"

"It so obvious. Night before Valentine's Day. Sangria. Fake dates. Oh, Rachel, I am so sorry, but I just don't feel that way about you."

Rachel's eyes began bulge. "Eh!"

"Look, you're a lovely girl but I will not be seduced."

"Phoebe, I am not trying to seduce you. I don't like women."

Phoebe nodded. "Oh, all right, okay, that makes sense. I mean, I don't see you as the type of girl to make out with other women."

"Eh!"

"I mean, you aren't that adventurous."

Rachel scoffed and folded her arms. "I'm adventurous."

"Rachel, going to a discount department store instead of Bloomingdales is not an adventure."

Rachel started to gesticulate angrily and looked around the room. "You know what! I am going to prove it to you. I am going to bring Melissa back and she will tell you what happened!"

"Oh, okay." Phoebe looked back at the pitcher of sangria. "But I have to tell you, either way, this does not reflect well on you."

* * *

Joey leaned over the table towards Ross and whispered into his shoulder. "We might be leaving now."

"Wait, where are you going?"

Joey looked over at Lorraine to ensure she could not overhear him. "Didn't you hear what she said? She wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I don't even know what slather means."

Ross's eyes went wide as his voice started to sound panicky. "You can't leave me here alone with Janice."

Joey's shoulders slumped and he slowly began to nod in acquiescence.

Lorraine lifted her chin to signal to a server walking towards their table. "Waiter, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?"

"I'm outta here." Joey reached into his pocket and dumped a plastic card on the table. "Here's my credit card. Dinner is on me."

Before Ross could protest, Joey and Lorraine scurried out of the restaurant. He sat back down with a look of defeat on his face and glanced over at Janice.

"So…"

"Just us then, huh. What do we do now."

Ross looked down at the table. "Well, we can call it a night." He picked up joey's credit card and let a devilish smile for on his lips. "Or we can order two of everything."

* * *

Monica rested her head on the table as she closed her eyes. "Do you think we will ever find someone? Look how quick all the others were able to get dates tonight and the two of us are stuck here alone. Are we pathetic?"

Chandler held his glass up to his eye and tried to squint through it. "What? No way. The others, they are the pathetic one."

Monica lifted her head and stared at him in disbelief. "What?"

Chandler poured himself another drink and slugged it down. He let out a pained gasp as the liquor burned its way down his throat. "They are on blind dates. What? They needed to be set up? With people who don't even know them. Losers."

"Bigger losers that the two of us sitting her alone drinking Paolo's grappa?"

"Yeah, because we're doing this by choice."

* * *

Joey's eyes opened as he looked up at the ceiling. He turned his head and glanced over at Lorraine who appeared to still be asleep. He smiled as he let the sexual activities from last night replay in his mind. He then stretched his arm across her body to reach a box on the bedside table. He opened it and removed a donut.

"Food and sex. This is the best day ever."

Lorraine turned over and eyed Joey. "Hey, what are you doing with that donut in bed."

"Uh."

"There are rules about that mister." Lorraine took the donut and slipped under the covers, leaving Joey to groan in ecstasy. "Oh! My! God!"

* * *

Ross tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable as he stirred. He flopped out of bed and fell onto the floor with a thud.

"Ow!"

He lifted himself up and held his head, which was already throbbing from the nightmare hangover that was settling into his brain. He tried to put last night's events into focus, but everything was fuzzy and out of order. He decided to ignore his urge to forge order out of the chaos in his mind and instead, thought about taking a hot shower and drinking copious amounts of coffee to scratch the cotton from his head and snap himself out of this post binge-drinking haze.

He brought himself to his feet and started to walk around the bed, only to stop suddenly at the stationary bike set up over in the corner of the room.

"This is not my bedroom."

He looked around the room once more, and had no idea where he was until a nasally, familiar voice filled the room.

"Happy Valentine's day lover!"

"Oh! My! God!"

* * *

Rachel felt constricted under the blanket. It was pulled tight against her and wrapped under her body, creating almost a cocoon. She did not like to be so snug and she became frustrated as she tried to pull her arm out from under the covers. She struggled and huffed until she could finally free one hand and she immediately placed it on her forehead.

Her head ached and her vision was blurry. Too much sangria was the culprit. Always her weakness.

She started to untangle herself from the covers, pulling her legs out, surprised to see she was still wearing most of her clothes from the previous night. She tried to piece together the jigsaw puzzle that was her memory, but stopped suddenly as she heard a soft moan of protest coming from someone laying beside her.

She sat up quickly and clutched the sheet to her chest as she looked over and found Melissa and Phoebe, sound asleep, entangled in each other's arms.

"Oh! My! God!"

* * *

Chandler rolled over and opened his eyes. His head had a dull ache, but it was not the worst hangover he had ever had. He thought perhaps he got off easy after a night of drinking something as strong as grappa. He turned his head and saw Monica laying next to him and smiled at her as her eyes opened.

"Morning."

"Morning."

Monica smiled back at him and the two of them slowly closed their eyes again, only to snap them up like roller blinds as they both gasped from realization that they were in the same bed together. The two of them sat straight up and covered their mouths, both pointing a confused yet accusatory finger at each other. Not knowing what to do or say, they both simultaneously expressed their disbelief with an incredulous shout that sounded like a chorus they had been practicing to perfect.

"Oh! My! God!"


End file.
